Dancing With the Demons
by redsrule1
Summary: Ensemble humor story with most characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel. Nine couples, One winner. Who will be the champions of the Demon world?
1. Episode 1, Pt 1

Tonight on **redsrule1**:

Nine couples:  
Spike/Faith  
Glory/Ben  
Harmony/Giles  
Clem/Buffy  
Gunn/Cordelia  
Lilah/Angel  
Darla/Lindsey  
Xander/Anya  
Sebassis/Willow

**One** winner.  
Who will be the champions of the Demon world? **_YOU_** will help to decide.  
It's the premiere of:

**Dancing With The Demons**

**Episode One, Part One**

Music strikes a low, dramatic chord which is held throughout the opening announcements.

**ANNOUNCER VOICE-OVER**  
First, nine contestants did a week of intensive training at Teachers' Dance Camp!

A montage of quick cuts taking place in a ballroom dance studio  
with wooden floors and mirrored walls:  
ANGEL dancing with a professional ballroom dance instructor.  
GILES and BUFFY chatting and laughing.  
LINDSEY standing with an instructor, listening as she explains a dance move to him.  
CORDELIA plopping into a plush chair, exhausted.  
BEN standing alone on dance floor, then GLORY, then BEN.  
ANYA practicing moves by herself as she watches in the dance studio mirror.  
FAITH does a spin, then grabs the instructor she's dancing with by the shoulders  
and eyes him sexily—he swallows uncomfortably.  
WILLOW watches incredulously, eyes wide, as an instructor shows her a move.

**ANNOUNCER VOICE-OVER cont.**  
Then, a demon's spell enhances their abilities to make them experienced ballroom dance instructors!

SWEET does a little "soft shoe" and a spin, stopping abruptly and thrusting his arms out toward the nine contestants. Little balls of light fly from his hands to the contestants' feet, engulfing them in an eerie, multicolored glow. The contestants begin dancing complicated routines with each other.

**ANNOUNCER VOICE-OVER cont.**  
Finally, the newly trained teachers met their students and spent the next four weeks preparing for this night. Now they begin their quest to become the top dancers of the demon world.  
Who will emerge victorious? This is _Dancing With The Demons_!

Cue lively Theme music which continues throughout the following dance pose sequence.

Pre-recorded shots of each couple in turn striking dance poses as follows,  
with dancer's names superimposed:

**Ben --? and Her Most Magnificent Glorificus**  
BEN, wearing a sharp gunmetal grey suit, strikes a GQ pose and flashes a confident smile at the camera. He morphs into GLORY, who rips off the tux with a flourish to reveal a sexy, sparkly red dress and strikes a very convincing pinup pose

**William The Bloody and Faith Lehane**  
SPIKE, in a sparkly black Latin shirt, puts his arm around FAITH's waist. She is wearing a sequined green leotard and short red skirt. He pulls her in tight and they gaze into each other's eyes before turning their heads ever so slightly to look at the camera out of the corner of their eyes with a confident smirk.

**Clem and Buffy Summers**  
BUFFY is wearing a long yellow dress, and CLEM wears a white, billowy Latin shirt. She tries to do a high leg kick to place her ankle on his shoulder, but CLEM is ignoring her and smiles and waves cordially at the camera. BUFFY falls, disappearing from view. CLEM looks after her, not quite sure what just happened

**Charles Gunn and Cordelia Chase**  
GUNN, in a black tuxedo, twirls the silver-gowned CORDELIA out to the side then back to him, wrapping her into his arms. CORDELIA flashes an Oscar-winning smile, and GUNN nearly matches it.

**Xander Harris and Anyanka**  
XANDER, looking somewhat less than at home in a standard tuxedo, and ANYA, wearing a sparkly lavender gown, strike a simple pose in standard dance hold. She has a serious "I'm going to grind our opponents into the dust' look on her face. XANDER is grinning as if he just told a wholly inappropriate joke at one of Giles' explanatory sessions

**Harmony Kendall and Rupert Giles**  
GILES, in tux with top hat, takes HARMONY into an elegant dance hold.  
HARMONY starts to giggle. GILES rolls his eyes.

**Lindsey McDonald and Darla**  
LINDSEY wears a stylish black pinstripe suit while DARLA faces him, wearing a slinky silver dress. LINDSEY's smile is a confident sneer as he deftly rolls DARLA down into a back bend, around, and up into a hugging pose. DARLA's smiling face suggests that she's still trying to decide whether to eat Lindsey and the audience or play the seductress

**Lilah Morgan and Angel**  
ANGEL, wearing a tux, sways LILAH, wearing an attractive red ballgown, left and right,  
then snaps her sharply to his left side where she puts her arms around him and blows in his ear before giving the camera a seductive smile. ANGEL, although smiling for the camera, looks somewhat uncertain.

**Archduke Sebassis and Willow Rosenberg**  
SEBASSIS, wearing a dark suit with red cape, lowers WILLOW, who wears a white evening gown, sideways into a dip. WILLOW has a broad smile on her face, but her widened eyes and raised eyebrows suggest that the spell may not have entirely worked on her.

**ANNOUNCER VOICE-OVER**  
Live, from Hollywood, this is _Dancing With The Demons_!

Theme music ends

**LORNE**  
Wearing a salmon-pink tuxedo, and speaking into a hand-held microphone.  
Hello, and welcome to the premiere of _Dancing With The Demons_! I'm Lorne, your host!

**ILLYRIA**  
Standing next to LORNE, also speaking into a hand-held mic,  
and wearing an elegant blue evening gown with black leather trim.  
And I am Illyria, God-King Of The Primordium.

**LORNE**  
Heh. You certainly are! Tonight, nine couples will begin a journey to see who are the hottest dancers of the human and demon worlds! Each couple must consist of one human, and one non-human. Partners, songs, and dances have all been assigned by the Watchers' Council, in association with the law firm of Wolfram & Hart, who will also tabulate and verify the scoring results. Illyria, how does that scoring work?

**ILLYRIA**  
You are host of the ceremony yet you do not know its function?

**LORNE**  
Forces a smile at the camera and points at the teleprompter.  
Tell our viewers, Blueberry Muffin.

**ILLYRIA**  
Blue--?  
Looks at LORNE and sees him pointing,  
then cocks her head slightly and stares intently at the teleprompter and camera  
Each couple will be required to dance one of two dances tonight. The Judges will critique their performance and assign them a score from one to ten. After all nine couples have danced, you, the viewer, shall vote for the couples whom you believe should continue. The judges' scores and viewers' votes will be combined, and the couple with the lowest combined score will be _eliminated_ in our "Results" show.  
Eyes brightening, turns to look at Lorne This will be more interesting than I thought.

**LORNE**  
smiling weakly  
Be that as it may, our first couple tonight has a history! But then, don't they all?  
Let's meet Xander Harris and Anyanka!

Cut to montage of clips from private interviews interspersed with clips from rehearsals.  
--------------------------------------------------------------

**XANDER**  
interview  
Well, she walked out on me when she first saw that I was going to be her partner.  
--------------------------------------------------------------

XANDER standing alone in a dance studio.  
This studio, like all of the studios in the show, has a large wooden floor surrounded by carpet and a mirrored wall. The camera crew is against the wall opposite the mirrors, situated to the side so that they do not pick up their reflection on camera.  
ANYA enters the room.

**XANDER**  
spreading his arms wide and walking toward ANYA to hug her.  
Anya! You're my partner! Cool!

ANYA whirls sharply on her heels and leaves the room.  
XANDER raises his hands palms up in a "what did I do?" gesture.

**XANDER**  
Looks directly at the camera and grins sheepishly.  
Well, you gotta admit, if she comes back, that turn thing she just did on her heels will be a killer move.  
---------------------------------------------------------------

**ANYA**  
interview  
Well, when I got to the studio and found out who my partner was, I turned around and walked out. But then I thought it over for a while and decided that I needed to get over my anger so that I could grow as a person. I mean demon.  
------------------------------------------------------------------

ANYA sits in an office with the PRODUCER of the show and his LAWYER

**ANYA**  
I won't do it. I'm not doing this if he's my partner.

**PRODUCER**  
But Anya, baby, it'll be fun! You'll have a great time!

**ANYA**  
Absolutely not! Not with him!

**LAWYER**  
Let me remind you, Anyanka, that we have a contract. It says we can pair you with whomever we see fit. If you don't participate, you'll be in breach of contract.

**ANYA**  
So what?

**LAWYER**  
So you forfeit all monies already paid to you and any future salary or prize money.

**PRODUCER**  
And that's a lot.

**ANYA**  
Is he still at the dance studio?  
----------------------------------------------------------------

**XANDER**  
interview  
But then she came back. Couldn't resist the Xan man, I guess.  
------------------------------------------------------------------

**ANYA**  
interview  
I decided to let bygones be bygones, isn't that what you humans do? I am not holding a grudge.  
------------------------------------------------------------------

Rehearsal Clip  
XANDER and ANYA stand together in the dance studio wearing casual clothes.  
ANYA faces XANDER.

**ANYA**  
You're actually gonna show up for the performance, right? Not gonna leave just before we go on?  
Maybe we should ask to go first so you don't change your mind.

XANDER rolls his eye.  
---------------------------------------------------------------------

**XANDER**  
interview  
The dancing's all right, but sometimes I have trouble with the whole depth perception thing.  
I mean a creep like Warren could build a whole girl, why couldn't I get a bionic eye or something?  
I mean, it could have X-ray vision. grins Or you know, laser beams. Or? --Or? --Oh, yeah! Laser x-rays. How cool would that be, huh?  
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rehearsal Clip  
XANDER and ANYA stand in dance poses facing each other. Music begins.  
XANDER dance-runs toward ANYA, arms outstretched to catch her.  
He misses, running right past her. ANYA looks after him, puzzled.  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

**XANDER**  
interview  
I mean, I'm just sayin. Maybe that could be stealthy hand swoop slipped into the budget?  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rehearsal Clip  
XANDER and ANYA dancing. They release their hold and do a series of twirls down the floor.  
They stop, and XANDER reaches out to catch ANYA's hand but pokes her in the face instead.

**ANYA**  
Ow!  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rehearsal Clip  
XANDER and ANYA stand in dance poses facing each other. Music begins.  
XANDER dance-runs toward ANYA, arms outstretched to catch her.  
He runs into her, knocking her down.

**ANYA**  
Ow!  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rehearsal Clip  
XANDER and ANYA dancing, XANDER leading, ANYA dancing backward in standard hold. They dance closer and closer toward the camera, finally crashing into it. The camera falls over with a loud clatter, and we now see a sideways picture of XANDER sitting on the floor, rubbing his head.

**ANYA**  
From offscreen.  
Ow!  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

**ANYA**  
interview  
It's a good thing lifts are illegal.  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

**XANDER**  
interview  
And I don't know who picked the music, but that, and the choreography,  
I think she's trying to do a vengeance thing.  
Pause I _know_ this is a vengeance thing.  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

**ANYA**  
interview  
I have not allowed our past history to affect our dancing in any way. I want to win this competition.   
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Montage ends.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Dancing the Waltz: Xander Harris and Anyanka!

ANYA stands at the top of the stage which sits three stairs up from the dance floor.  
She is wearing a long, white ballgown and a bridal veil.  
She holds a bouquet of flowers, and her back is to the dance floor.

XANDER, wearing a traditional black tuxedo, white shirt with black bow tie and cummerbund, stands at the foot of the stairs. He has a fake smile plastered onto his face, but his overall expression is one of "I can't believe I let her talk me into this."

"Anniversary Song" by Pat Boone begins to play.

ANYA tosses her bouquet over her head and behind her back. It lands at the far end of the dance floor.  
She turns and descends the stairs, then dance-runs to XANDER, who takes her into dance position.

The begin to dance, doing standard Waltz moves,  
turning left and right as they progress around the floor.

They release their dance hold and both do a series of twirls down the dance floor.  
They stop, and ANYA reaches out to catch XANDER's hand.  
They return to dance position and continue dancing.

As the music swells to its final climax, they stop dancing at the foot of the stairs.  
They release dance position and ANYA turns and runs away from XANDER.  
She runs to the bouquet of flowers and kneels down on the floor to pick them up, cradling them in her arms as the music stops.

The CROWD cheers wildly. XANDER walks up behind ANYA and helps her to her feet,  
and they walk to the side of the dance floor where LORNE now stands alone.

**LORNE**  
Well, that was a pretty dance! Let's take a moment to meet our three judges.  
First of all, representing the human world, all the way from the afterlife, our head judge, Mr. Wesley Wyndham-Price!

WESLEY, dressed in a suit, sits at the center of a long table just in front of where LORNE now stands. To WESLEY's right sits DRUSILLA, dressed in a black dress, and to his left sits OZ, wearing a suit jacket over a T-shirt.

**WESLEY**  
Thank you, Lorne. It's an honor to be here.

**LORNE**  
And representing the demon world, the lovely Drusilla!

**DRUSILLA**  
swaying side to side Make them dance all pretty for us, Lorne.

**LORNE**  
I'm not a miracle worker, Pumpkin.  
Last but not least, bridging the gap between the human and demon worlds, our third judge, the talented Daniel Osbourne.

**OZ**  
Hey.

**LORNE**  
Welcome, judges. Wesley, tell us, just what are we looking for in a Waltz?

**WESLEY**  
Well, Lorne, we're looking for smooth motion, turns, long steps, and lots of movement.

**LORNE**  
And did we get that from Xander and Anya?

**WESLEY**  
Not entirely, I'm afraid. CROWD boos. WESLEY looks at the audience, startled, then shakes them off and returns his attention to LORNE. Xander's movements, although adequate, were somewhat stiff. And Anya actually appeared to be doing most of the work.  
CROWD boos again. WESLEY frowns at them.

**LORNE**  
Drusilla, what did you think?

**DRUSILLA**  
The bouquet wilts with tears. There is sadness.  
Also, they will not score well enough to place first this week.

**LORNE**  
Um, okay. Oz?

**OZ**  
It was fine.

Pause.

**LORNE**  
Okay. You two go on backstage and meet with Illyria while the judges consider their scores.

Cut to backstage room where ILLYRIA stands staring at the camera.  
BEN, already dressed in his dance tuxedo, sits on a couch behind her.  
XANDER and ANYA walk up beside ILLYRIA, who looks at them quizzically for a moment.

**ANYA**  
You're supposed to engage in banter with us now, to build up the tension as we wait for the scores.

**ILLYRIA**  
That seems artificial and pointless.

ANYA shrugs and nods in agreement.

**ILLYRIA**  
Very well. To XANDER Wesley the Judge pronounced your movements merely adequate,  
and accused you of forcing your partner to carry you through the routine. Why do you dance so lazily?  
Do you not have the self-discipline to do the work necessary to excel?

**XANDER**  
Sputtering Um, uh, well… He looks at ANYA for support, but she stares at him as she waits for the answer to that question, as well. Um, well, I uh-- grins broadly and uncomfortably. Heh heh.  
points to his eyepatch. Bionic. Would be cool.

**ILLYRIA**  
I believe I have raised the tension level significantly.  
Does anyone know if the judges have prepared their scores yet?

Cut to shot of JUDGES table.

**ANNOUNCER**  
The judges are ready to reveal their scores. Drusilla?

**DRUSILLA**  
Seven.

DRUSILLA Holds up a paddle with the corresponding number printed on it,  
as each judge will do when announcing their scores.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Wesley Wyndam-Price?

**WESLEY**  
Seven.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Daniel Osbourne?

**OZ**  
Seven.

Cut to ILLYRIA, XANDER, and ANYA backstage.

**ANYA**  
Glaring at XANDER. Three sevens.

**ILLYRIA**  
To XANDER The judges have deemed you worthy of no more than a score of twenty-one.  
Leave my sight. I am no longer interested in anything you have to say.  
To ANYA You must take charge of your burden.

ANYA sighs and nods as she and XANDER exit. ILLYRIA follows them off screen.

BEN, still sitting on the couch, smiles uncomfortably as the camera remains on for a moment.

Cut to LORNE

**LORNE**  
Okay, we'll have to brief her on the art of tossing back to the host.  
Next up, an interesting couple, to say the least. Let's meet Ben-- uh, what _is_ his last name, anyway? --and Her Magnificent Glorificus!

Cut to montage of clips.  
--------------------------------------------------------------

**BEN**  
interview  
Glory's not the easiest partner to work with. For one, thing, it's kind of hard to get ideas together when you can't be in the same place at the same time. She takes advantage of this. She keeps changing the choreography while I'm gone.  
---------------------------------------------------------------

rehearsal clip  
BEN dancing alone in a dance studio. Some of GLORY's MINIONS watch.

BEN does some steps, a spin, and strikes a pose with right arm and left leg outstretched.

**GRONX**  
That's quite nice, sir, but I'm afraid that's no longer how the routine goes.

**BEN**  
What?

**GRONX**  
The most "Shiny Special One" and I felt that these moves will be better.

GRONX begins to dance

**BEN**  
No, no, no. I'm the teacher. You tell Glory that we're going to do it like this.  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**BEN**  
interview  
The only way I can communicate with her is through those minions of hers. Oh. they're driving me crazy! It's "her most beauteous this," and "I'm not worthy to clean the sole of her wonderfulness' shoes," yadda yadda yadda. I know they don't tell her half of what I ask them to.  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

rehearsal clip  
GLORY stands in dance studio with her MINIONS.

**GLORY**  
So what did ol' Ben think of the changes we made to the routine.

**DREG**  
Uh, he loved them, your Most Choreographical One.

GRONX and JINX look quizzically at DREG over that name. DREG shrugs.  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**GLORY**  
interview  
Finally my minions did something right. Jinx actually took it upon himself to set this whole thing up, bringing Ben and me back from the afterlife to do this. If we win, I might let him clean my dance shoes. Oh, you can't imagine how _boring_ it is spending the afterlife with nothing to do but be Ben. Even if we don't win, the break from eternal Ben-ness will be worth it. But I'll win. I'm gonna grind those other couples into the spiked heel of my extremely sexy and stylish dance shoes.  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**BEN**  
interview  
I think we've got a pretty good routine if she'll just stick to it,  
and not make any more last minute changes.  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

rehearsal clip  
GLORY steps and twirls, then stops dancing. She turns to her MINIONS.

**GLORY**  
Did you get that, Jinx? Tell Ben about those changes.

**JINX**  
Of coruse, your Most Graceful One. But, he won't be happy.

**GLORY**  
Why not? He's liked all the other changes.

**JINX**  
Um, well, uh, he may feel that this is too close to the competition to be changing anything.

**GLORY**  
He's got three hours before we have to be there. Tell him to stop whining and suck it up.  
Is he a teacher or not?  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Montage ends

**ANNOUNCER**  
Dancing the Waltz, Her Most Magnificent Glorificus, and her partner, Ben!

BEN, dressed in a tuxedo with tailcoat and holding a longstemmed red rose, walks out from behind the curtain and strikes an opening pose, as if sniffing the flower.

GLORY, dressed in a beautiful, flowing red dress, holds the rose as she walks over to LORNE, who takes her to the JUDGES' table.

**LORNE**  
Wow! I gotta say that took my breath away! Who would'a thought a Hell-god was capable of that much heaven? Judges, whaddaya say? Dru?

**DRUSILLA**  
tears in her eyes  
Oh, my. The sky sang to me. It-- it was lovely. So very lovely.

**GLORY**  
Well, of course it was!

**LORNE**  
I couldn't agree more. Wesley, how about you?

**WESLEY**  
looks at Oz with a bewildered expression. Oz shrugs, just as confused.  
I-- I-- is this a joke? You're having us on, right, Lorne? I'm-- where did Ben go?

**LORNE**  
chuckles nervously Um, okay, Wesley seems a bit confused there.

**GLORY**  
Wow, I shoulda' brain-sucked him. Nobody would've noticed.

**LORNE**  
How about you, Oz?

**OZ**  
Uh, was that a routine?

**LORNE**  
"Was that a routine!" You said it, brother. All right, Kitten, you head on backstage and talk to Illyria while the judges prepare their marks. And again, wonderful job!

GLORY exits, and the camera cuts backstage to her and ILLYRIA.  
SPIKE and FAITH sit on the couch behind.

**ILLYRIA**  
Your Most Magnificent Glorificus, welcome.

**GLORY**  
Illyria, God-King Of The Primordium. You're looking well. Smaller than I remember.

**ILLYRIA**  
This body was not my choice.

**GLORY**  
I hear ya'.

**ILLYRIA**  
I must admit, I was quite moved by that dance. It was sublime. The counterpoint between the depiction of birth and death, and indeed the universe itself, in all of its many dimensions, was brilliant.

**GLORY**  
See, and you're the only one who would get that.  
Even that idiot partner of mine couldn't understand what I was saying with that routine.

**ILLYRIA**  
scoffs.   
Fools. They know nothing of our pain and anguish. Yet they presume to pass judgement.  
Which they will now do.

Cut to Judges' Table.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Will the judges please reveal their scores? Drusilla?

**DRUSILLA**  
Ten. mixed boos and cheers from the CROWD

**WESLEY**  
Ten? Are you mad? -- I mean, more so than usual...

**ANNOUNCER**  
Wesley Wyndam-Price?

**WESLEY**  
One. But only because I don't have a paddle for "zero." mixed boos and cheers from the CROWD

**ANNOUNCER**  
Daniel Osbourne?

**OZ**  
Five. everyone in the crowd boos

**WESLEY**  
looks incredulously at OZ Five? What on Earth for?

**OZ**  
shrugs his shoulders They might have been going for surreal. Gutsy move. I like it.

Cut backstage to ILLYRIA and GLORY.

**GLORY**  
Sixteen? The little creeps gave me sixteen?

**ILLYRIA**  
Do not trouble yourself with trying to fathom their small minds.  
It was an honor for me to witness your dance.

**GLORY**  
Yeah, well it will be my honor to wring those judges' necks.

GLORY storms off screen, and ILLYRIA stays this time.  
She looks at the camera/teleprompter for a moment, then turns and throws her microphone through  
the wall of the set. SPIKE and FAITH jump, startled.

Cut to LORNE, rubbing his left horn with his hand.

**LORNE**  
Ow. Looks off camera at DIRECTOR More briefing.  
To camera What happens when a vampire and a Slayer join forces for a Cha Cha?  
We'll find out, when _Dancing With The Demons_ returns!

Short, four-bar theme music plays to the break.


	2. Episode 1, Pt 2

Title: Dancing With the Demons, Ep. 1 (Part 2)Author: **redsrule1**  
Fandoms: Buffy, Angel, Dancing With the Stars  
Rating: Teen  
Disclaimer: I did not make up the characters, shows, the Waltz, or the Cha Cha. I just borrow them. However, I _can_ teach you any of the moves portrayed in the show.  
Pairings (if applicable): Gen  
Character(s) (if applicable): Just about everyone  
Summary: Nine couples, ONE winner, and _you_ decide who will be the champion!

We now return to:

**Dancing With The Demons  
Episode One, Part Two**

Short, four-bar version of the show's theme music plays as we return from the break.

**LORNE**  
Welcome back to _Dancing With The Demons_! Two couples have danced already, and there are seven more to go! Remember, after all nine couples have danced, _you_ will help decide who stays in our competition and who goes home. Next up, a Slayer and a vampire join forces. It's William The Bloody and Faith Lahane!

Cut to montage of clips.  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**FAITH**  
Interview  
I told the producers they better not gimme somebody lame. So there I am waiting at the studio for my partner to show up, an' he was like, twenty minutes late. Then finally in walks Spike, of all people. So I was like, "Okay, where's my _real_ partner," 'cause I figured there's no way they've talked Spike into doing this thing, and also 'cause I said that, I knew they were gonna stick me with the biggest lame-o they could find.  
--------------------------------------------------

Rehearsal clip  
FAITH paces in a dance studio, alone except for the camera crew.  
She looks at the clock on the wall above the mirrors.

The door opens and SPIKE enters the studio.

**FAITH**  
Spike? No way! You're here to tell me my real partner can't make it, right?

**SPIKE**  
Faith? They gave me you? Not quite who I was hopin' for, but a'right.  
Walks up to FAITH and they do a hand-slap/fist bump exchange. We'll kick some ass.

**FAITH**  
This is cool. I can work with this. But you do know you're like, twenty minutes late, right? Not the best way to start. Get here on time tomorrow or I'll kick _your_ ass.

**SPIKE**  
Turns and walks toward a closed kitchenette door. What's in 'ere? Opens door and disappears inside.

**FAITH**  
Walks to the middle of the dance floor and looks around. Nice.  
Points at the wall to the camera's right. Nice music system. Walks toward it.

**SPIKE**  
Returning from the other room: There's chairs and a telly in there. And there's a microwave and fridge, too. Looks directly into the camera. You blokes s'pose you can tell the boss to cater in some o' them Bloomin' Onions?

FAITH turns around to look at SPIKE,  
then her jaw drops in shock and she covers her mouth with her hands

**SPIKE**  
Who stepped on _your_ tail, luv?

**FAITH**  
Pointing at the mirrored wall behind SPIKE. Look...

**SPIKE**  
Turns to look at himself in the mirror. Oh. Cocks his head to one side. Huh. Wha'd'ya know 'bout that? Walks toward the mirror and looks at his reflection for a moment, then shrugs and walks back to FAITH.

**FAITH**  
Aren't you the least bit--

**SPIKE**  
What? 'S'no big deal. If the producers can bring back all those folks from the dead, I expect they can have a vampire see his reflection. 'Sides, I knew I was hot already. Takes FAITH in a dance hold and looks at their reflection in the mirror. Yep. What's important is now I got a partner who's almost as hot as me. We're definitely gonna kick some ass.

FAITH smacks SPIKE on the back of his head.  
---------------------------------------------------------

**SPIKE**  
Interview  
Well, I was hoping I'd get Buffy for a partner. But it's prob'ly just as well. If _Faith_ thinks she's the boss of me, I don't even wanna think about what it would be like with Buffy. When I showed up at the studio that first day, she was all in my face about not bein' on time and "that's not the way to start off an' I'm the Slayer an' I'll kick your ass if you're not on time." An' it's not like I was really late or anything. But just to make 'er happy I made sure I was there at nine o'clock every day for practice, but she was still all huffy about it.  
------------------------------------------------------------

Rehearsal Clip  
FAITH stands alone in an empty ballroom, on a different day. Her arms are crossed and she taps her foot impatiently as the clock behind her clearly reads "9:35".  
---------------------------------------------------------

**SPIKE**  
Interview  
We got a good Cha Cha routine, except for this one spin that she's bein' _real_ picky about how I do it for some reason.  
----------------------------------------------------------

Rehearsal Clip  
SPIKE and FAITH in the studio, dancing

**FAITH**  
Chanting the rhythm. ...two, three, cha, cha, cha, two, three, spin and stop!

Both do a spin, and SPIKE intuitively kicks as he does so, nearly taking off FAITH's head as she barely ducks out of the way

**FAITH**  
Sitting on the floor This isn't a roundhouse kick, Spike!  
-------------------------------------------------------------

**SPIKE**  
Interview  
I had a little trouble with it, but I got it now. I think she taught it wrong.  
------------------------------------------------------------

Rehearsal Clip  
SPIKE and FAITH in the studio, dancing

**FAITH**  
Chanting the rhythm ...two, three, cha, cha, cha, two, three, spin and stop!

Both repeat the spin and SPIKE jerks awkwardly, then loses his balance and falls on his butt.

**FAITH**  
Hard to resist that kick, isn't it?

**SPIKE**  
You shut up!  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

**SPIKE**  
Interview  
But I guess I can take her attitude. She wants to win. So do I. Plus, she's into me. Wants me to be all sexy for her. Lucky for her I'm into somebody else, 'cause she can't resist me.  
---------------------------------------------------------------------

Rehearsal Clip  
SPIKE and FAITH dancing

**FAITH**  
Chanting the rhythm ...two, three, cha, cha, cha, two, three, spin and stop!

BOTH do a spin and stop to face one another on FAITH's count.

**FAITH (con't)**  
That's it. Now look at me. Straight into my eyes! Look! Now move closer! That's it. Closer! SPIKE's face is mere inches from FAITH's. That's it. Hold it. Keep looking. Give me your best, sexiest look!

SPIKE obliges. FAITH swallows hard, and starts to melt. SPIKE hisses through his teeth in a suggestive manner. FAITH turns away, coughing

**SPIKE**  
What?

**FAITH**  
Looking into camera No more onions for Halitosis Boy, all right?  
--------------------------------------------

**FAITH**  
Interview  
I'm jazzed, 'cause even though I don't know Spike very well, I know that we're kinda on the same page-- we're not afraid to get down and dirty and mix it up. He pisses me off sometimes, but there's some chemistry there, an' I think that'll come through in our dancing.  
-------------------------------------------

Rehearsal Clip  
SPIKE and FAITH dancing

**FAITH**  
Chanting the rhythm ...two, three, cha, cha, cha, two, three, spin and stop!

BOTH do a spin and stop to face one another on FAITH's count. SPIKE gives the melty look, FAITH returns a look just as sultry.

**SPIKE**  
Through unmoving lips so as not to break the look That what you wanted?

**FAITH**  
Also not moving her lips, in a sultry voice Five by five.  
--------------------------------------------

**SPIKE**  
Interview  
It wasn't easy learning Cha Cha, 'cause that dance wasn't around yet when Dru and I learned to dance. Wait 'till we get to the Viennese Waltz. _Then_ I'll show you how Dru and I used to do it. Looks off camera at someone telling him something. Oh, right. No killing allowed. Looks back to camera. A'right, I'll show you _almost_ how Dru and I used to do it.  
--------------------------------------------

Rehearsal Clip  
Both practicing in a starting pose, with SPIKE several feet in front of FAITH, his back to her. He has a cigarette in his mouth as a prop. FAITH dances up to him from behind, then slithers in front to face him. In the process she accidentally knocks the cigarette from his mouth.

**FAITH**  
OW!

**SPIKE**  
Bends over and picks up the cigarette, puts it back in his mouth and takes a draw.  
You all right, there?

**FAITH**  
I burned myself! The cigarette is a prop, it's not supposed to be lit! This is not a smoke break! God, I thought the smoke I was seeing and smelling was from that last break you took only _five minutes ago!_ How many cigarettes do you need to smoke? In SPIKE'S face: And don't you DARE light that cigarette at the performance! Walks away.

SPIKE rocks his head mockingly from side to side and mouths the words "don't you dare light that cigarette at the performance."  
----------------------------------------------------

Montage ends

**ANNOUNCER**  
Dancing the Cha Cha, William The Bloody and Faith Lahane!

SPIKE and FAITH step out from behind the curtain and take their starting poses on the dance floor.  
SPIKE stands with his back to FAITH with an unlit cigarette in his mouth, several feet in front of her. SPIKE is wearing a tight white T-shirt and faded blue jeans. His hair is slicked back and he looks like something out of "West Side Story." FAITH is wearing a flattering but simple light pink dress with a skirt that will flare out when she turns. She looks much like Natalie Wood as Maria. Her hair is done up in a bun in back, but some curls fall free to either side of her face.

"Smooth" by Santana plays.

FAITH dances up to SPIKE, putting an arm around him from behind. She slithers down and up his body, but he is disinterested. Maintaining contact with him, FAITH rolls around him until she is face to face with him. She grabs the back of his head, and backs up in Cha Cha rhythm, pulling him forward.  
Now interested, he whips the cigarette out of his mouth and flicks it away. He follows her in rhythm, and they both break into Cha Cha moves.

SPIKE leads FAITH into a series of sharp, quick spins. At the end of the last spin, FAITH stops inches from SPIKE's face and with a suggestive tick of the head they both blow each other a kiss. The CROWD squees and applauds.

As the music swells toward the final chorus, SPIKE rolls his hips in time with the music as FAITH does a series of body ripples, one hand on the back of her head, elbow out to the side

SPIKE spins and does a quick roundhouse kick as FAITH drops into a sharp crouch spin. Spike's kick whizzes by over FAITH's head, and he lands with his back to FAITH, feet spread wide. He reaches between his legs and grabs FAITH's wrists as she kicks her legs out straight in front of her and slides between his legs. At the last moment she springs to her feet and twists around to face SPIKE, grabbing the back of his head, and pulling their faces close. Glaring into each others' eyes, they each cock their heads to one side as if about to kiss and freeze the pose there.

CROWD bursts into squees and applause, and FAITH and SPIKE make their way over to LORNE, who takes them to stand in front of the Judges' Table.

**LORNE**  
Hoo-wee! If that was any hotter, kiddies, you'd have set off the sprinkler system! That was Cha Cha with a capital "CHA." And it looks like you made the most of that spin you were havin' so much trouble with! Wes, how about you tell us what we're looking for here in the Cha Cha?

**WESLEY**  
Well, being a Latin dance, what we're looking for here is rhythm, body movement especially in the hips, and sharpness.

**LORNE**  
And is that what we got from Spike and Faith? Oz, what do you say? And, give us a little more to go on this time.

**OZ**  
'Kay. That was pretty good. CROWD cheers But, Spike, you kinda looked more like Bruce Lee than Ricky Martin with your arms. CROWD boos Too choppy.

**LORNE**  
Thank you, Oz! Drusilla, how about you?

**DRUSILLA**  
That was lovely. You made all the fireworks go off in my head. CROWD cheers. But it didn't flow as well as it might have done. I'm looking forward to seeing you dance next week, even though you won't do as well.

**LORNE**  
Hey, hey now, Dru! Let's not be giving away spoilers! Okay, and finally, Wes?

**WESLEY**  
Spike, that was an excellent first routine, although you need to work on making your hips sharper for the Latin dances. Smattering of boos from the CROWD, and a lone squee. Faith, although I got the "West Side Story" connection, I think you should have chosen to base your costume more on Rita Moreno instead of Natalie Wood. You dance nicely and move well, but frankly I think the plain-ness of your costume distracted from the overall look. CROWD boos. Be more bold next time. You're an attractive young woman. You've got it, flaunt it. A sizzling costume would have been the capstone to what was otherwise a sizzling dance, but I'm afraid your costume just fizzled instead.

**FAITH**  
Oh, sure, _now_ you're full of good advice and helpful suggestions! Where was that when you-- mmmph! SPIKE covers FAITH's mouth with his hand.

**SPIKE**  
Right. Got it. Tart it up more. Will do. Leads FAITH backstage, off camera.

**LORNE**  
There we have the judges' opinons. Will they be enough to put Spike and Faith into the lead? We'll find out in a moment. Meanwhile, Illyria is backstage with our couple. Illyria?

Cut to backstage, where HARMONY and GILES sit on the couch in the background. SPIKE and FAITH walk up to ILLYRIA, standing in the foreground.

**ILLYRIA**  
Faith, you were becoming hostile to Judge Wesley just now. Do you plan to slay him?

**FAITH**  
What? No, I--

**SPIKE**  
Let's try not to piss off-- or kill-- the judges in the very first week, right?

**ILLYRIA**  
I noticed that the video clip of your rehearsals suggested you planned to eliminate the roundhouse kick, yet you used it in the performance tonight, even though he continued to miss your head. Perhaps if you had not ducked--

**FAITH**  
What? No, it's-- he was _supposed_ to miss.

**ILLYRIA**  
That is not very stimulating. Why did you not then just eliminate the kick and use a spin instead?

**FAITH**  
Well, I guess sometimes you just have to go with what you've got and make the most of it. It was either use it, or risk Spike falling on his ass.

**SPIKE**  
'Ere, now, nobody's fallin' on anybody's ass. An' I paid the sodding cameraman not to use that footage. Looks directly into camera I want my fiver back!

**ILLYRIA**  
Pointing menacingly to cameraman Perhaps we will take it from him.

HARMONY smiles and begins to stand up to join in, and GILES' eyes widen.  
Abrupt cut to Judges' Table.

**ANNOUNCER**  
The judges are ready to reveal their scores. Drusilla?

**DRUSILLA**  
Nine. CROWD cheers

**ANNOUNCER**  
Wesley Wyndam-Price?

**WESLEY**  
Eight. CROWD boos

**ANNOUNCER**  
Daniel Osbourne?

**OZ**  
Eight. CROWD groans

Cut to backstage, where, behind ILLYRIA, SPIKE, and FAITH, GILES is holding HARMONY's arm behind her to keep her seated on the couch.

**ILLYRIA**  
Judge Wesley has rated you lower than the others. _Now_ do you plan to slay him?

**FAITH**  
No!

**ILLYRIA**  
Perhaps you would like to slay the cameraman.

**SPIKE**  
No-- well, yeah, mayb-- No, s' alright. Twenty-five puts us in the lead. We're good.  
Takes FAITH off camera.

**ILLYRIA**  
Staring at camera. They have left and I have nothing further to say.  
Turns and walks off camera.

Cut to LORNE

**LORNE**  
Okay, next up, we just had a Slayer and a vam--

ILLYRIA walks up to LORNE and hands him her microphone, then turns around and walks backstage.

**LORNE**  
To DIRECTOR, off camera Well, we're getting closer. To camera We just had a Slayer and a vampire surge to the top of the leaderboard. Can the pairing of a Watcher and a vampire do just as well? Let's meet Harmony Kendall and her teacher, Rupert Giles!

Cut to montage of clips.  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**HARMONY**  
Interview  
Squeals with excitement. Omigod, this is so much fun! I always liked to dance, I mean, y'know, _real_ dancing. Like you do at parties, or at the Bronze. Not like this. This is "Old-People-Dancing." But who knew it would be so much fun?  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**GILES**  
Interview  
Takes off his glasses and begins wiping them with a cloth. Harmony. Yes. Well. She's very enthusiastic, isn't she? Forces a smile, puts glasses back on. She has lots of energy, and is very bouncy, which will come in quite handy when we do the jive. Unfortunately, this week we're doing the Waltz.  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rehearsal Clip

HARMONY and GILES rehearsing in a studio. They stand several feet apart, facing one another, waiting for the music to begin. GILES stands tall and elegant, HARMONY fidgets excitedly, barely able to wait

As the music begins, GILES extends a hand toward HARMONY. She responds with a high squeak. GILES maintains his pose but cringes at the sound. HARMONY half-trots, half-bounces up to GILES and grins widely as she takes dance position.

**GILES**  
Harmony, you must maintain your composure. This is the Waltz. It is not the "Fish-Slapping Dance."  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**GILES**  
Interview  
"Where's my stake?" was actually my first thought when I saw that she was going to be my partner. I was definitely having second thoughts as to the wisdom of agreeing to this, but Harmony was so enthusiastic about the whole thing, going on about how much fun it was going to be and how excited she was to have, as she put it, such "a hot partner." Grins, somewhat pleased with himself. Between you and me, I think she has a little crush on me. But that's not unusual, for students to have crushes on their teachers, especially when we're working on something inherently romantic like dancing.  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**HARMONY**  
Interview  
When I said I would do this, and I found out my Blondie Bear was gonna be in it, I said "that's perfect, give me him." But they said I had to dance with a human, so then I said "how about that hunky lawyer guy?" I asked them to at least give me somebody hot, but they gave me Mr. Giles. At first I thought they'd sent Mr. Giles to introduce me to somebody cute who was going to be my partner, but then it turned out he was it.  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rehearsal Clip

HARMONY stands alone in a dance studio. GILES enters.

**HARMONY**  
Excitedly Mr. Giles! I didn't expect to see you here! Are you in the dance competition, too?

**GILES**  
Er, ah, no.

**HARMONY**  
Relieved Oh, that's great! I just _knew_ they were going to give me a hot partner! Gives GILES a friendly hug, but is looking over his shoulder and out the door the whole time. It's been so long since I've seen you! How've you been?

**GILES**  
Grinning "H-Hot partner?" Well, it's nice to see you too, Harmony. Actually, I suppose I _could_ be in this competition, after all.

**HARMONY**  
Really? Who's your partner?

**GILES**  
Chuckles as they release their embrace. Yes, funny, Harmony. Well, I suppose we should get to work.

**HARMONY**  
Her smile fades instantly into a look of fear and disappointment. She looks wistfully at the studio door. What? Work? With you? Where's _my_ partner?

**GILES**  
All right, joke's over now. Let's get busy.  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**HARMONY**  
Interview  
We're having lots of fun, which is surprising, especially... she leans toward the camera and her voice drops to a whisper considering his age. Normal voice We have this beginning that makes me _sooo_ dizzy. He said it should be easy for me but it's not . Then he gets kinda grumpy when I don't do something exactly the way that Staircase guy would do it. You know, that guy in the old movies before they knew what color was. There's dance studios named after him. Staircase... Fred... Arthur... MacMurray-- Oh! Oh! That's it! Fred MacMurray! Fred MacMurray and Ginger Spice! So I like dancing with Mr. Giles except when he gets grumpy with me. Or when he says my name. I hate the way he says my name. He, like, rolls his eyes and he's all like "HAW- mony."  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Quick series of Rehearsal Clips spliced together

HARMONY and GILES dancing in studio, HARMONY stumbles, they stop.

**GILES**  
Impatiently Harmony!  
---------------------

In dance studio, HARMONY staring at herself in the mirror,  
GILES waiting, arms folded across his chest

**GILES**  
Impatiently Harmony!  
------------------

Different day, HARMONY and GILES practicing. HARMONY stumbles, they stop.

**GILES**  
Impatiently Harmony!  
-----------------

HARMONY and GILES dancing. From off camera, a cell phone begins to ring. HARMONY rushes off to answer it, leaving GILES in mid- dance step

**GILES**  
Impatiently Harmony!  
------------------

HARMONY and GILES dancing in studio, GILES stumbles, they stop.

**GILES**  
Impatiently Harmony!

**HARMONY**  
Defensively What?

**GILES**  
Oh. That was _my_ fault. So sorry. Force of habit.  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Montage ends

**ANNOUNCER**  
Dancing the Waltz: Harmony Kendall and Rupert Giles!

HARMONY and GILES take their opening poses on the dance floor, facing one another, about twelve feet apart. HARMONY is wearing a long, flowing silver ballgown, sleek but with a skirt full enough to billow out a bit during a twirl. She wears elegant silver pump dance shoes. GILES is dressed smartly in a black tuxedo with tail coat, white tux shirt, white vest, and white tie, with black patent leather shoes.

"Three Times A Lady" by the Commodores plays

HARMONY and GILES dance-run toward each other, and catch one another's waist with their right arms as they continue to run while holding on to each other, creating a pinwheel effect. After a couple of quick revolutions, they shift into dance position and begin to travel down the floor, still rotating in the same clockwise direction. GILES stops and releases his hold, and HARMONY rolls out a few more steps and catches GILES' outstretched hand, and they hold a pose for a moment: GILES lunging forward on one foot, one arm stretched behind and the other toward HARMONY, who clutches his hand and leans backward away from him, one leg bent in front of her with her foot at her knee.

They float back into dance position, remaining there for the remainder of the dance, as they begin doing more standard Waltz moves and turns.

GILES leads HARMONY into a series of spins, but HARMONY trips herself on one of them and hops noticeably. Her face does not betray her mistake, however, even though GILES' eyes widen noticeably.

As the song aproaches its climax, GILES leads HARMONY into a series of traveling turns in dance position. They release dance hold and return to the pinwheel movement for a couple of rotations, then twirl back into their starting poses as the music ends.

CROWD cheers. GILES offers his arm to HARMONY who takes it and they walk over to LORNE, who takes them to the Judges' Table.

**LORNE**  
Well, kids, that was just plain pretty, wasn't it? Let's see what the judges thought. Wesley?

**WESLEY**  
Waltz is supposed to be smooth and flowing, and, while we might say you looked sharp, and at times graceful, I'm afraid I can't really say that it was smooth or flowing. CROWD boos. Harmony, although you maintained excellent poise, your footwork was clumsy and needs to be worked on. CROWD boos You show lots of promise but there's still a ways to go. Put your trust in Mr. Giles and I'm sure he'll get you there.

**LORNE**  
Okay. Oz?

**OZ**  
I agree with him.

**LORNE**  
Back to succinct again, huh? Okay, how about you, Drusilla?

**DRUSILLA**  
You shouldn't trip yourself, Dear, it throws things off. From the waist up I was watching birds soaring gracefully. But underneath it was stamp stamp stamp stamp stamp. I don't like stamp. Don't do it.  
Let it soar.

**LORNE**  
All right. You two go on backstage and have a little chat with the Not-At-All-Unsettling Illyria, all right?

Cut to ILLYRIA backstage, with GUNN and CORDELIA sitting on the sofa in the background. HARMONY and GILES walk up to stand beside ILLYRIA.

**ILLYRIA**  
Your Waltz did not please the judges. Why did you not train better?

**HARMONY**  
What? Listen, honey--

**GILES**  
Cutting HARMONY off, and flashing a diplomatic smile at ILLYRIA  
Well, given the limited time to prepare, and taking into account the inherent natural abilities of both dancers, one can't always expect to display a top-notch performance. We'll simply have to redouble our efforts for next week.

**ILLYRIA**  
_If_ you are still in the competition next week. I am not interested in your excuses. Are the judges prepared to pass judgement on them now?

Cut to Judges' Table.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Will the judges please reveal their scores? Drusilla?

**DRUSILLA**  
Six. CROWD groans.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Wesley Wyndam-Price?

**WESLEY**  
Six. CROWD boos.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Daniel Osbourne?

**OZ**  
Seven. A small smattering of applause.

**ILLYRIA**  
The judges have deemed your Waltz unworthy and given it a score of nineteen. I wish to speak with you no more. I hereby "toss" back to The Host.

**LORNE**  
Smiling Who says you can't teach an old god new tricks? And speaking of which, she gave birth to a god, but can she create a winner out of a lawyer? We'll find out, when _Dancing With The Demons_ continues!

Short, four-bar theme music plays to the break.


	3. Episode 1, Pt 3

Title: Dancing With the Demons, Ep. 1 (Part 3)  
Author: **redsrule1**  
Fandoms: Buffy, Angel, Dancing With the Stars  
Rating: PG  
Disclaimer: I did not make up the characters, shows, the Waltz, or the Cha Cha. I just borrow them. However, I _can_ teach you any of the moves portrayed in the show.  
Pairings: Gen  
Characters: Just about everyone  
Author's Notes: Thanks as always to **yourlibrarian** for beta-ing above and beyond the call  
Summary: Nine couples, ONE winner, and _you_ decide who will be the champion!

And now, back to

**Dancing With The Demons  
Episode One, Part Three**

Short, four-bar version of the show's theme music plays as we return from the break.

**LORNE**  
And we're back, to _Dancing With The Demons_, the show where _you_ will help decide the winners! Four couples have gone already and now we're ready for couple number five! They are a lawyer and a godmother, and we're gonna see if they can Cha Cha! It's Charles Gunn and Cordelia Chase!

Cut to montage of clips.  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**GUNN**  
Interview  
Well, I was glad to see Cordy again, and she was glad to see me.  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rehearsal Clip  
GUNN enters a dance studio where CORDELIA is waiting for him.

**CORDELIA**  
Smiling broadly, and rushing up and giving him a hug.  
Gunn! Oh my gawd! I can't believe it! Are you my partner?

**GUNN**  
Looks like. You're the real Cordelia, right? You're not some demon gonna give birth to a hell-goddess or something--

CORDELIA gives GUNN a quick smack on the back of his head, then breaks the embrace and turns to lead him onto the dance floor.

**CORDELIA**  
Okay, let's get busy. We've got lots of work to do if we're gonna win this thing. Turns to face GUNN, eyes him disapprovingly up and down. Went back to that street wardrobe, did you? Well, we'll have to fix that.

**GUNN**  
Walks to the camera and sticks his face in the lens, taking up the whole screen.  
It's really her.

**CORDELIA**  
From off screen  
I heard that!  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**GUNN**  
Interview  
I don't know what it is about this competition, but it hasn't even started yet and Cordy is in full bitch mode.  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rehearsal Clip  
CORDELIA and GUNN practicing in a dance studio.

**CORDELIA**  
No. Watch me. You have to walk sexy like this.  
CORDELIA takes a few steps away from GUNN, swinging her hips sharply in a Latin fashion with a sexy pout on her face.

**GUNN**  
I'm not poutin' like that.

**CORDELIA**  
So I've noticed. Now shut up. Here's you.  
CORDELIA thrusts her crotch forward and walks with her legs wide, arms swinging limply at her sides with a mock sneer on her face.

**GUNN**  
I don't walk like that.

**CORDELIA**  
If only it were that good! Now do it sexy like I showed you first.

**GUNN**  
I was walkin' just fine when I came in here.  
------------------------------------------------------------------------

**CORDELIA**  
Interview  
I'm thrilled that Gunn is my partner. I mean, I could have gotten stuck with somebody lame like -- like -- _Wesley_. Turns her head to look off camera. He is? Oh. You're gonna edit that out, right? Anyway, Gunn's great, but we have a lot of work to do. _A lot_ of work.  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rehearsal Clip  
CORDELIA and GUNN practicing in dance studio.

**CORDELIA**  
Cha Cha is a sexy Latin dance. You gotta move your hips.

**GUNN**  
I _am_ moving my hips!

**CORDELIA**  
Rolling her eyes I pity your girlfriends if you think _that_ was moving your hips.

**GUNN**  
Ain't had no complaints yet.

**CORDELIA**  
Yeah, well I'm complaining, macho boy. Now move! Shake your booty!

**GUNN**  
Skinny-ass white girl wants me to shake _my_ booty. You ain't even got nothin' to shake!

**CORDELIA**  
Oh, Mr. "I think Fred's hot" thinks _my_ ass isn't curvy enough!  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

**CORDELIA**  
Interview  
I mean, he's great and all, but Gunn couldn't even _spell_ the word "Fashion." I mean, Wolfram & Hart put him in some nice suits, but instead of all that opera, maybe they coulda put a little more _GQ_ sense in his brain. This show is all about style, and if there's anything I'm all about, it's style! I'm not "Queen C" for nothing!  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rehearsal Clip  
CORDELIA and GUNN looking over a rack of dance costumes. CORDELIA pulls a black sequined dance shirt off the rack and holds it up to GUNN.

**GUNN**  
I'm not wearin' that.

**CORDELIA**  
You sing Gilbert and Sullivan but you're too good to wear a sequined dance shirt? Besides, you'll wear what I tell you to wear, mister. But you're right. You're not wearin' this. It's too gaudy. Maybe you _can_ be taught.  
------------------------------------------------------------------------

**CORDELIA**  
Interview  
I am going to be queen of the ballroom, too. And if any of those other girls thinks differently, well, she's in for a rude awakening.  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

**GUNN**  
Interview  
Me-_ow_.  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

montage ends

**ANNOUNCER**  
Dancing the Cha Cha: Charles Gunn and Cordelia Chase!

CORDELIA, wearing a revealing two-piece gold Latin dress with a long, sheer slitted skirt, and GUNN, wearing a sleek black latin shirt and pants, stand back to back in the middle of the dance floor, striking similar poses with hands on hips. GUNN's pose is very macho, standing tall with feet wide and chest out. CORDELIA's pose is more "come hither," with knee bent to show plenty of leg through the slit in her skirt and head turned to look over her shoulder.

"I Like It Like That" by the Blackout Allstars begins to play.

GUNN and CORDELIA walk away from one another, CORDELIA with a sexier Latin walk and GUNN with more of a strut. They clap their hands along with the claps in the music, encouraging the audience to do the same. GUNN and CORDELIA continue to walk in opposite circles around the floor until they meet in the middle, where, without stopping, they grasp each other's forearms and CORDELIA does a backbend into a roll, swings down and around and ends standing, where GUNN snaps her into a standard dance hold

They move into a series of standard Cha Cha steps. CORDELIA does lots of turns, while GUNN strikes lots of macho poses.

As the song nears the end, GUNN spins CORDELIA around and she stops with her back to him. She slithers down his body until she reaches a crouched position, where GUNN takes her raised hand and spins her as he walks around her. Then he gives her a sharp pull to snap her back up to her feet to face him, and they look deep into each other's eyes as the song ends.

The CROWD cheers as GUNN and CORDELIA walk over to LORNE, who is standing in front of the Judges' Table.

**LORNE**  
Woo! All right, kiddies, I like it like that, too! But I don't get a vote, so let's see how the judges liked it! Drusilla?

**DRUSILLA**  
You were a bad boy, Charles. You made your partner do all the hard work while you just stood there reciting your lessons. Shame, shame! In the corner! In the corner!

**LORNE**  
Lucid as ever, Dru. Okay, Wes? Maybe you can shed some light on what your associate just said.

**WESLEY**  
Gladly, Lorne. --And I'll try not to be _lame_.

CORDELIA flashes her best "I'm-too-cute-for-you-to-hate" smile. GUNN glares at her pointedly.

**WESLEY cont.**  
Yes, well. I believe that Drusilla is referring to the fact that, although he performed admirably, Gunn was obviously having some difficulty remembering the routine, forcing Cordelia to pull him through several of the moves. CROWD boos. WESLEY looks at them, then back at LORNE. Why do they always boo me? She said it, too!

**LORNE**  
Yeah, but they could understand you, Wes. Oz, what say you?

**OZ**  
_I_ understood her. CROWD boos. Hey! I'm just sayin'. But she's right. And you need to move your hips more.

**CORDELIA**  
Smacks GUNN's chest. See? I told you!

**LORNE**  
LORNE motions GUNN and CORDELIA off screen. As they leave, GUNN rubs his chest and mouths "ow". You two head on backstage and see Illyria while these three see if they can come up with some crowd-friendly scores, okay?

**WESLEY**  
I'm simply judging them according to the rules. I'm not here to win any popularity contests.

**LORNE**  
And that's a good thing. Illyria?

Cut to backstage, where DARLA and LINDSEY sit on the couch in the background.  
GUNN and CORDELIA stand beside ILLYRIA in the foreground.

**ILLYRIA**  
Charles Gunn, you seem changed. I knew you to be a strong warrior who made his foes show their fear. Why can you not attack this dance the way I have seen you attack many demons?

**CORDELIA**  
Yeah! See? I like her.

**ILLYRIA**  
There is no honor in holding back and forcing those weaker than you to sacrifice themselves.

**CORDELIA**  
Yeah-- wait a minute, sister, who says I'm weak? I was a higher being!

**ILLYRIA**  
That which is a step up from a spore is still little greater than the slime from whence it came.

**CORDELIA**  
Oh, I'll show you slime--

**GUNN**  
Stepping in between ILLYRIA and CORDELIA Okay, hold on now. I thought we were discussing how lowly _I_ am.

**ILLYRIA**  
It will be for the three judges to determine how lowly you are now.

Cut to Judges' Table.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Will the judges please reveal their scores? Drusilla?

**DRUSILLA**  
Seven. CROWD groans.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Wesley Wyndam-Price?

**WESLEY**  
Seven. Smattering of groans and boos.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Daniel Osbourne?

**OZ**  
Seven. CROWD boos.

Cut to backstage.

**ILLYRIA**  
You have received a score of twenty-one, which ties you for second place with the other male who could not hold his own. And with Glorificus at the bottom, this scoring puzzles and annoys me. What makes you believe that you deserve to fare better than a god?

**CORDELIA**  
Smiling. 'Cause I'm a queen.

**GUNN**  
And a bitch.

CORDELIA glares at GUNN.

**GUNN cont.**  
Hey, you're the one who takes pride in that.

**CORDELIA**  
Leading GUNN off camera. Don't press your luck, Lowly Slime Boy.

**ILLYRIA**  
I now give you leave to return your attention to Lorne.

Cut to LORNE

**LORNE**  
To DIRECTOR, off camera I think that's about the best we're gonna get. To camera Coming up next, she's been around many a block and danced many a dance. But _he's_ the teacher. Can he show this vampire royalty some new steps, or will she be the one to take _him_ to new places? It's Darla and Lindsey MacDonald!

Cut to montage of clips.  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**LINDSEY**  
Interview  
Oh, Darla's a great partner. Very dramatic. She can certainly play the part that the character of the dance demands. We just had to overcome some -- bad habits.  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rehearsal Clip  
DARLA and LINDSEY practicing in a dance studio. They stop.

**LINDSEY**  
Okay. That was pretty good. Let's try it again, but this time, use your heels to--

**DARLA**  
Eying the cameraman.  
Let's take a break. I'm hungry.

**LINDSEY**  
Let's go one more ti--

**DARLA**  
Approaching the camera with a sexy look on her face.  
Hey, handsome. Let's go for a walk.

A cross, held up by the cameraman, appears at the bottom of the screen.

**DARLA**  
Oh, sh--  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**LINDSEY**  
Interview  
Not to mention some poor dance technique.  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rehearsal Clip  
DARLA and LINDSEY practicing in a dance studio. They stop.

**LINDSEY**  
Like I said before, you need to step with the heel of your foot, not the toe.

**DARLA**  
Okay, Junior, when I learned to Waltz, that's how it was done.

**LINDSEY**  
That's not how it's done any more.

**DARLA**  
Who the hell changed it?

**LINDSEY**  
I don't know. Maybe Arthur Murray. Maybe Fred Astaire.

**DARLA**  
I knew I should have eaten him when I had the chance. I guess that explains why he picked Ginger Rogers that day.  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**DARLA**  
Interview  
What do I think of Lindsey? He's quaint. He keeps trying not to insult me by pointing out my age.  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rehearsal Clip  
DARLA and LINDSEY in a dance studio.

**LINDSEY**  
Waltz is the only dance you learned? Weren't you around when all the other ones were inven-- uh, popular?  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**DARLA**  
Interview  
I have to admit that I'm still disoriented. It's rather disconcerting to be resurrected… _twice_. But at least the last time they brought me back, things still made some sense. This time, I come back and what do I find? TV producers entering me in a dance competition --which, by the way, I never agreed to do. And not only am I in this competition, so is Angelus. Don't know how they managed to convince him to participate. --But then, they didn't, did they? That's a shame, because Angelus would have been a _much_ more interesting competitor than _Angel_. Even paired with that lawyer, _he's_ not going to have what it takes to win. Then they tell me Spike has a soul now, _too_, and he's dancing with a Slayer. What is it with souls and Slayers? Of course, I understand they'll have plenty of ditzy, self-righteous, "Chosen ones" to choose from these days. Shakes head and sighs sadly. What is this world coming to? And I thought Drusilla was supposed to be the lunatic fringe of _this_ group flicks her hair back. And now she's a dance judge? That's _some_ inspired selection on the part of the producers. Smiles mysteriously at the camera.  
Me, Angel, Spike. Which one of us will she vote for, I wonder?  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

montage ends

**ANNOUNCER**  
Dancing the Waltz: Darla and Lindsey McDonald!

DARLA and LINDSEY stroll arm in arm onto the dance floor. DARLA is dressed in a light pink ruffled dress with hoop skirt, matching lace gloves, and carries a matching parasol. LINDSEY wears Morning Dress with a grey morning coat, vest, and ascot. He wears a matching pink carnation in his buttonhole.

"Fascination" by Nat King Cole plays.

LINDSEY releases DARLA from his arm and bows to her, inviting her to dance. DARLA curtsies, and places her right hand elegantly into his left. LINDSEY steps toward her to put his right arm around her back, but DARLA drops her parasol and puts her now-free hand to her mouth in shock and bats his arm away. He takes her right hand in both of his, and nods to her, assuring her that it's perfectly acceptable to dance in this manner nowadays. DARLA smiles broadly and grabs LINDSEY in dance position herself.

The begin to twirl around the floor in various standard Waltz moves.

LINDSEY rolls DARLA out into a series of quick turns, then catches her around the waist and leans in for a kiss. DARLA turns her head away coyly, and they return to Waltzing.

After a few more steps, LINDSEY repeats the roll-out and catch, but again DARLA turns away from his kiss.

As the music nears its final crescendo, LINDSEY repeats the roll-out again, but this time he dips DARLA, supporting her on his left arm. He strikes a nice line as he leans over her to find a trapped and now quite willing DARLA already puckered. He gives her a quick peck on the lips and starts to stand up, but DARLA reaches up, grabs his head, and pulls it back down for a better smooch.

They stand up, straighten their clothes, and LINDSEY picks up DARLA's parasol and hands it back to her. He offers her his right arm, she takes it, and they walk off the floor as the music ends.

The CROWD cheers as DARLA and LINDSEY walk over to LORNE in front of the Judges' Table.

**LORNE**  
Pretty as a picture, kids.

**DARLA**  
No one's called me a kid for a very long time.

**LINDSEY**  
She's hardly a--

**DARLA**  
_Thank_ you, Lindsey.

**DRUSILLA**  
Grandmama is very very old. Much older than you.

**DARLA**  
Yes, thank _you_ too, Drusilla.

**LINDSEY**  
I just meant that you should treat her with respect because she's a--

**DARLA**  
_Grand_mother!

**LINDSEY**  
A lady.

**DARLA**  
Don't defend me, Lindsey. I don't need it and you're not very good at it.

**LORNE**  
_Any_way, Oz, what can you tell us about their Waltz?

**OZ**  
I was kinda enjoying the previous discussion. The Waltz was fine. Darla needs to use a heel lead and move out more. CROWD groans.

**LORNE**  
Fair enough. Dru?

**DRUSILLA**  
Mummy dances so lovely. I remember when we wore clothes like that. And we had fun and munch munch munch all through Germany.

**LORNE**  
Heh. I'm just gonna assume you're talking about strudel. Wesley, how about you?

**WESLEY**  
That was indeed a lovely Waltz. CROWD cheers. WESLEY looks at them and smiles. But Oz is right. Your Waltz needs to move more and I don't think I saw more than a couple of heel leads. CROWD boos. WESLEY frowns.

**LORNE**  
Couldn't leave well enough alone, huh, Wes? Okay, you two go on backstage and see Illyria.

Cut to backstage, where CLEM and BUFFY sit on the couch behind ILLYRIA. DARLA and LINDSEY approach and stand beside her.

**ILLYRIA**  
Eyeing DARLA up and down, and nodding an acknowledgement. Half-breed.

**DARLA**  
Returning ILLYRIA's scope and nod. God-king.

**LINDSEY**  
Illyr--

**ILLYRIA**  
Snaps a hand up, palm out, to stop LINDSEY from speaking. It seems we have an understanding. Is the triumvirate prepared to pass judgement?

Cut to Judges' Table.

**ANNOUNCER**  
The judges have prepared their scores. Drusilla?

**DRUSILLA**  
Eight. CROWD applauds

**ANNOUNCER**  
Wesley Wyndam-Price?

**WESLEY**  
Seven. Smattering of groans and boos.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Daniel Osbourne?

**OZ**  
Seven. CROWD groans.

Cut to backstage.

**ILLYRIA**  
A score of twenty-two puts you into second place. This is acceptable to me. Perhaps next time you will improve upon your performance.

**DARLA**  
You can count on it.

**LINDSEY**  
Well, Illyria, I think we--

**ILLYRIA**  
Holding up the hand to stop LINDSEY again. You may take your leave now. To camera And you may take your leave, as well.

Cut to LORNE

**LORNE**  
At least we know the show's never gonna run long because of her. Next up, we have another Slayer. Can she teach Cha Cha to demons as well as she can slay them? Let's find out. It's Clem and his partner, Buffy Summers!

Cut to montage of clips.  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**CLEM**  
Interview  
When I saw that Buffy was going to be my partner, I was so excited! I never dreamed they'd give me such a great partner as Buffy!  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

BUFFY opens the door to enter a dance studio and sees the camera crew as well as CLEM inside The studio clock reads 9:00, and she checks her watch to make sure she has the correct time.

**CLEM**  
Waving excitedly to BUFFY  
Buffy! So good to see you! How are you? How's Dawn?  
Hurries over to her and starts shaking her hand.

**BUFFY**  
Um, we're good, Clem. It's good to see you, too. What are you doing here?

**CLEM**  
Oh, nothing, nothing. Waiting for my dance partner.

**BUFFY**  
Yeah, me too.

**CLEM**  
Really? Hey, that's, that's nifty. Did they tell you who your partner was?

**BUFFY**  
No. You?

**CLEM**  
No. Well, I guess we'll just wait for them. So what have you been up to?  
--------------------------------------------------------------

**BUFFY**  
Interview  
I have to admit that Clem wouldn't --um, we'll let's just say he wouldn't have been the first guy I'd ask to the Sadie Hawkins dance. Or the second… or the tenth.  
--------------------------------------------------------------

CLEM and BUFFY sitting at a table in the ballroom. The studio clock now reads 10:05.

**CLEM**  
Wow, they're awfully late. What time is it?

CLEM turns his back on BUFFY to look at the clock. BUFFY drops her head onto the table but quickly picks it up again with a just-a-little-too-enthusiastic smile on her face before CLEM turns to look back at her.

**CLEM cont.**  
Hey, you know what? I think that _we're_ partners! Wouldn't that be fun?

**BUFFY**  
That's…great, Clem!  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

**BUFFY**  
Interview  
What I hate about this whole thing is the the whole "who's gonna be my partner thing." It's like in 8th grade gym class when you do square dancing for a week and you're all like, "Ooh, I hope I get Ford for my partner." I'm _so_ past all that.  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rehearsal Clip  
CLEM and BUFFY walking through simple steps. They stop.

**CLEM**  
Walking away from BUFFY, towards a door to the kitchenette. I'm gonna grab a glass of water. Can I get you anything?

**BUFFY**  
To CLEM as he leaves the room. No, thanks, I'm fine. She walks to the camera and grabs it with both hands, as if grabbing someone by the shoulders. She sticks her face right in the lens and whispers. Why couldn't I get somebody just a little less-- less-- bulky? I mean, I have superstrength but it's still going to look really obvious if I'm hauling him around the dance floor.  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

**BUFFY**  
interview  
Don't get me wrong, I love him to death, but… he's not what I… expected. But then he kind of surprised me.  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rehearsal Clip  
BUFFY and CLEM stand in the dance studio.

**BUFFY**  
All right, now this step is called the "Alabama." --Or "Ali Baba." --Or something.

**CLEM**  
Do you mean the "Alemana?"

**BUFFY**  
Um, yeah. That's it. How did you know?

**CLEM**  
Oh, I watch that "Championship Ballroom Dancing" on PBS every year. I love it. It goes like this, right? Performs an intricate Cha Cha move flawlessly as BUFFY watches, mouth agape.  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

**CLEM**  
interview  
I love the dancing. I've never been formally trained before, but I always loved to dance at home. Don't tell Spike, but that's how I broke his television once. There was a dance show on and I got a little carried away.   
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

**BUFFY**  
interview  
I think we've got a shot at this!  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

montage ends

**ANNOUNCER**  
Dancing the Cha Cha: Clem and Buffy Summers!

BUFFY, wearing a short, yellow dress and looking like a teenager at a party sits on the stairs at the end of the dance floor.

"Sex Bomb" by Tom Jones plays.

CLEM, wearing tight leather pants and a vest, struts onto the floor a-la Mick Jagger. His ears flap rhythmically as he moves his head forward and back in time to the music and his own steps. Hands on hips like Mick, he struts up to stand, feet wide in a macho pose, in front of BUFFY.

BUFFY looks at CLEM and laughs, brushing him off with a wave of her hand. Undaunted, CLEM snaps his fingers and points at the floor in front of him, demanding that BUFFY dance with him.

BUFFY stops laughing and stands up to face CLEM. CLEM grabs her hands and shoves her backward, pitching her onto her heels, off balance. BUFFY slides between CLEM's legs and CLEM, not letting go, picks one foot up and lets the force of BUFFY's slide swivel him around. At the end of her slide, BUFFY pops up and, since CLEM is still holding her hands, whirls around and they end up standing face to face.

CLEM leads BUFFY into various Cha Cha moves, both his hips and ears swaying in time to the music. There are lots of good Cha Cha spins and poses.

As the song crescendos toward its end, CLEM skillfully dances BUFFY back to the stairs and sits her back down. He struts off the floor again and BUFFY looks longingly after him, fanning herself with her hand as the music ends.

CROWD erupts into cheers and squees. CLEM trots back onto the dance floor with a big grin on his face, takes BUFFY's hand to help her up, and, placing her on his right arm, escorts her to stand beside LORNE.

**LORNE**  
Hoo-wee!

CROWD continues applauding, and CLEM acknowledges them with lots of quick nods and thank-yous. BUFFY looks at the CROWD and smiles, nodding her own thank-you.

**LORNE cont.**  
I don't think I need to add anything to that. Wes, how about you?

**WESLEY**  
Clem, Buffy, that was the best dance I've seen tonight. CROWD cheers.

**CLEM**  
Licking his lips nervously and nodding earnestly Thank you. Thank you.

**LORNE**  
High praise indeed. Don't say anything more. Oz?

**OZ**  
Ditto.

**CLEM**  
Still licking and nodding Thank you. Thank you.

**LORNE**  
You, Oz, you can say more. Oz shrugs. Nothing, huh? Okay, Dru?

**DRUSILLA**  
You're a little dog nipping at the goddess' heels. Woof! Take her for a run around the block, you might catch her!

**CLEM**  
Nodding Thank you, thank you. That's great. Thank you.

**LORNE**  
Looking quizzically at CLEM If you say so. Motioning them off camera You two go have yourselves a nice, surreal chat with Illyria. To camera The judges liked their Cha Cha. Did they like it enough to put Clem and Buffy in the lead? We'll find out, when _Dancing With The Demons_ returns!

Short, four-bar theme music plays to the break.


	4. Episode 1, Pt 4

Title: Dancing With the Demons, Ep. 1 (Part 4)  
Author: **redsrule1**  
Fandoms: Buffy, Angel, Dancing With the Stars  
Rating: PG  
Disclaimer: I did not make up the characters, shows, the Waltz, or the Cha Cha. I just borrow them. However, I _can_ teach you any of the moves portrayed in the show.  
Pairings: Gen  
Characters: Just about everyone  
Author's Notes: Thanks as always to **yourlibrarian** for beta-ing above and beyond the call  
Summary: Nine couples, ONE winner, and _you_ decide who will be the champion!

And now, back to

**Dancing With The Demons  
Episode One, Part Four**

Short, four-bar version of the show's theme music plays as we return from the break.

**LORNE**  
Welcome back once more to _Dancing With The Demons_! Only two more dancers remain, but first, just before the break, the judges gave Clem and Buffy lofty praise for their Cha Cha! Will their scores be just as pleasing? Let's find out right now!

**ANNOUNCER**  
The judges have their scores. Drusilla?

**DRUSILLA**  
Nine. CROWD cheers.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Wesley Wyndam-Price?

**WESLEY**  
Nine. CROWD cheers, some whistles.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Daniel Osbourne?

**OZ**  
Nine. CROWD cheers and whistles wildly.

Cut to backstage. In the background, WILLOW sits nervously on the couch, next to the ARCHDUKE SEBASSIS. In front, ILLYRIA stands beside CLEM and BUFFY. CLEM is bouncing excitedly. BUFFY is smiling, as much from pride as from amusement at CLEM's reaction. CLEM throws his arms around BUFFY, and she reciprocates happily, but somewhat less excitedly. WILLOW smiles, and there is a brief, almost imperceptible upturn in one corner of ILLYRIA's mouth.

**ILLYRIA**  
Three nines, giving you a score of twenty-seven. I am not displeased.

**CLEM**  
Thank you. Thank you.

**ILLYRIA**  
This score puts you into the lead. Do you think you deserve this honor?

**CLEM**  
What? No, I just-- I just, wow, did I really do it?

**ILLYRIA**  
Eyes narrowing, examining CLEM closely. Have you suffered damage? Can you not remember dancing just moments ago?

**CLEM**  
Looking at BUFFY. I did it! We did it!

**ILLYRIA**  
Of course you did it. That is why I'm talking with you n--

CLEM turns and rushes back to WILLOW and SEBASSIS, shaking their hands vigorously. WILLOW is amused, SEBASSIS endures this with quiet indulgence.

**CLEM**  
Good luck, you two, good luck. Don't worry, it's fun!

CLEM bounds off-camera. BUFFY looks at ILLYRIA, smiles, and shrugs her shoulders.

**ILLYRIA**  
Nods. I give you leave. BUFFY turns and leaves. ILLYRIA looks at the camera. I give you leave as well.

Cut to LORNE.

**LORNE**  
Was that a _smile_ I almost saw on her face? Chuckles. Okay, next up, can a Wicca work a magic dance spell on demon royalty? Let's meet the Archduke Sebassis and his partner, Willow Rosenberg!

Cut to montage of clips.  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**WILLOW**  
Interview  
I was... a little... _nervous_ when I saw who my partner was. When they said "Dancing With The Demons," I was expecting, like, Angel-- or Spike-- you know, the good kind-- or, well not_always_ good, but kind of you know, not entirely _evil_ demons. But then Sebassis shows up and he's all -- _real_ demony with the horns and everything. And minions.  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rehearsal Clip  
WILLOW enters a dance studio with wooden floors and mirrored walls. The Archduke SEBASSIS is seated at a small table to one side of the dance floor. He wears a cape with a hood over his head, and his back is to WILLOW. ARTODE stands imposingly beside him, and a SLAVE is tethered to SEBASSIS by a leash.

**WILLOW**  
Hello? Are you my partner?

**SEBASSIS**  
Rises from chair, removes the hood, and turns to face WILLOW. Miss Rosenberg. How very nice to meet you.

**WILLOW**  
Audibly gasps. She tentatively reaches a hand out to take the hand that SEBASSIS offers. Do-- do I know you?

**SEBASSIS**  
Bends at the waist to kiss WILLOW's hand, but stops short and actually just "air kisses" it.  
We have never met, but I have had my eye on you for some time. You are a powerful Wicca.

**WILLOW**  
Eyes wide. Heh. That's both flattering _and_ creepy.

**SEBASSIS**  
I understand. You have nothing to fear, my child. Now, where shall we begin?

**WILLOW**  
Smiling uneasily _Meep_!  
-------------------------------------------------------------------

**SEBASSIS**  
interview  
Ah, yes, the witch child. Do not let her oddly colorful appearance fool you. There is much power there. I respect that power, even if she does not.  
---------------------------------------------------------------------

Rehearsal Clip  
SEBASSIS and WILLOW stand at the far end of the dance floor from the camera with their backs to it. Their conversation is barely audible, as they speak in a conspiratorial tone.

**WILLOW**  
Um, no, I don't think I can.

**SEBASSIS**  
Are we not supposed to try to win?

**WILLOW**  
Well, of course we are, but--

**SEBASSIS**  
Are you not supposed to use all the means at your disposal?

**WILLOW**  
Well, yeah, I mean, within reason, you know.  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

**WILLOW**  
Interview  
But he's very respectful, and he works hard. He's actually a perfect gentleman. I think I'd like him except for-- you know-- _evil_. He does kinda give me the willies though, 'cause he doesn't say a lot, just kinda stands there and stares at me, waiting for me to teach him something like a good little student. I could see having a whole classroom full of little five year old Sebasses-es -- Sebassi?-- and teaching them math.  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rehearsal Clip  
SEBASSIS and WILLOW stand on the dance floor. ARTODE and the SLAVE stand nearby. SEBASSIS' gaze is unwavering as WILLOW speaks.

**WILLOW**  
Okay, so you know this Cha Cha is supposed to be, you know, um…

WILLOW smiles uncomfortably. SEBASSIS continues to stare at her, unblinking.

**WILLOW cont.**  
Um, you know.

SEBASSIS continues to stare.

**ARTODE**  
Leaning in toward SEBASSIS She's trying to tell you that the dance is supposed to be sexy.

**SEBASSIS**  
I know that. I'm just waiting for her to continue.  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**SEBASSIS**  
interview  
I have complete faith in her. I put myself entirely in her hands. I have seen what she is capable of. And one thing that she is capable of is enabling me to do the Cha Cha. If I can only convince her to use her abilities, we shall rule this competition.  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rehearsal Clip.  
Another clip from the earlier scene in which SEBASSIS and WILLOW are speaking quietly with their backs to the camera.

**SEBASSIS**  
It will be all right, my dear.

**WILLOW**  
I don't think I should.

**SEBASSIS**  
Do you suppose-- Turns toward the camera and addresses the camera crew.  
_Must_ we have our every move and conversation filmed? Are we not entitled to some privacy? Artode!

ARTODE appears from the side of the dance floor and walks directly to the camera to stand in front of it, completely blocking our view.  
We can still hear voices, however.

**SEBASSIS cont.**  
As I was saying, do you suppose that the other couples are not using every means at their disposal to win? If we are going to win, we will have to use all of our powers. All of _your_ powers.

**WILLOW**  
Sighs. Fine. I'll use my "feminine powers." I'll wear the skimpy costume.  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**WILLOW**  
Interview  
I'd feel more comfortable teaching math. Or witchcraft. But then, I guess, not a good idea teaching the evil dead guy witchcraft. So math. I'd feel more comfortable teaching math. 'Cause the Dance Instructor Spell from Dance Camp? They could'a added a couplet to the chant about the whole performing in front of everybody thing!  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

montage ends

**ANNOUNCER**  
Dancing the Cha Cha: The Archduke Sebassis and Willow Rosenberg!

SEBASSIS and WILLOW take their opening poses. SEBASSIS wears a long, flowing silvery-black cloak, and stands with his head down, arms extended and crossed low in front of him. In his left hand he holds one end of a long chain, the opposite end of which is attached to a thick black collar WILLOW wears around her neck. WILLOW stands also with arms crossed and head bowed, but her pose is a submissive one. She stands a couple of feet behind and to the left of SEBASSIS. WILLOW wears black bikini pants and bra, with gold trim, her hair pulled up and back in a bun, and sparkly gold high heel dance shoes. The effect is simutaneously reminiscent of SEBASSIS' slaves and Princess Leia.

"I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred plays

SEBASSIS looks up and starts to walk forward, pulling on the chain as he does. WILLOW follows lethargically, still looking down. SEBASSIS stops walking, and, using the chain, pulls WILLOW around to stop in front of him. She holds her left arm out to her side, as if offering to let him drink from her. SEBASSIS frowns disapprovingly, shakes his head "no," and smacks her arm away with his right hand. This causes WILLOW to spin, and she does three turns until she has completely wound the chain around her body and faces SEBASSIS. SEBASSIS turns his left cheek to her and points at it. WILLOW gives him a peck on the cheek and SEBASSIS smiles and tugs at the chain. While WILLOW spins out of the chain, SEBASSIS rips off his cloak and throws it aside. He is wearing a pair of black briefs with gold trim to match WILLOW's outfit, a low-cut black leather vest, and a large gold medallion on a heavy gold chain. Looking down his nose at WILLOW with the sexiest look he can muster, SEBASSIS reels in the chain until he and WILLOW are in dance position, and the collar chain is removed and dropped.

SEBASSIS and WILLOW break into some standard Cha Cha moves

As the music nears its end, SEBASSIS twirls WILLOW into a sit spin on the floor, but withdraws him hand suddenly, leaving WILLOW to crumple to the floor. He turns his back to her and begins to walk away. WILLOW crawls plaintively after him, finally clutching his leg as he stops, stares at the judges, licks his right thumb and, in a preening motion, uses it to "smooth back" his right horn as the music ends.

The CROWD cheers wildly as SEBASSIS breaks his pose and gallantly helps WILLOW to her feet. He picks up his discarded robe and drapes it around WILLOW's shoulders, then puts her on his right arm and escorts her to LORNE and the judges' table.

**LORNE**  
Laughing Whee-ooh! How fun was that! And you had the crowd eating out of your hand!

**SEBASSIS**  
An opportunity for _them_ to learn how it feels.

CROWD laughs.

**LORNE**  
Ha! Well, let's see if the judges are eating out of your hand. Drusilla?

**DRUSILLA**  
Still singing the song to herself You're too sexy, aren't you? It was delightful. CROWD cheers. But it was a chocolate bunny, all hollow in the middle. CROWD boos. Your body wants to _move_. Let it go! But not in the way that Daddy has.

**ANGEL**  
From offstage Hey!

**LORNE**  
All right, Wesley?

**WESLEY**  
Very entertaining, Archduke. You were a great sport and you played along with it. I enjoyed that. CROWD cheers However, I agree that the routine was somewhat lacking in the middle. CROWD boos. WESLEY turns and addresses the CROWD Well, it _was_! You captured the attitude well, and you moved rather well, but it was too "safe." To paraphrase Drusilla, you have some ability, and you shouldn't be afraid to show it. I want more out of your routines. That said, the overall theme, the beginning and ending, were _most_ clever! CROWD applauds.

WILLOW nods, accepting the critique of her choreography. SEBASSIS continues to eye the judges, head held high, unflinching.

**LORNE**  
And finally, Oz?

**OZ**  
Staring at WILLOW Whoa.

CROWD cheers, some wolf whistles. WILLOW is snapped out of her stage presence and now begins to shift uncomfortably. She tries to put her hands in her non-existent pockets, and finally just pulls the cloak tighter.

**LORNE**  
For once, Oz, you don't have to say anything more! You two crazy kids head on backstage and chat with Illyria.

SEBASSIS escorts WILLOW backstage to ILLYRIA.

**ILLYRIA**  
Your performance amused me. I am pleased.

**SEBASSIS**  
Coming from you, Eminent One, that is indeed a compliment. Nods his head in a token bow.

WILLOW is staring wide-eyed at ILLYRIA, not quite sure what to make of her.

**ILLYRIA**  
And the chain and collar has made me nostalgic.

WILLOW takes a tiny step away from ILLYRIA. SEBASSIS just smiles.

**SEBASSIS**  
So glad you enjoyed it, Eminence.

**ILLYRIA**  
Nods. This one knows respect. Looks at SEBASSIS' costume. If not shame. I trust that will not now be lost on the judges.  
Looks pointedly at camera.

Cut to Judges' Table.

**ANNOUNCER**  
The judges are ready with their scores. Drusilla?

**DRUSILLA**  
Seven. CROWD groans.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Wesley Wyndam-Price?

**WESLEY**  
Seven. CROWD boos.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Daniel Osbourne?

**OZ**  
Eight. CROWD cheers

**ILLYRIA**  
The judges have scored you twenty-two out of thirty. There is room for improvement. I trust you will try harder next week.

**SEBASSIS**  
Nods in acknowledgement. Eminence. Takes WILLOW's arm and escorts her off camera.

**ILLYRIA**  
Looks at camera/teleprompter for a moment. I do not wish to read that. Your manner of writing gives me headaches.

Cut to LORNE.

**LORNE**  
Looks toward the DIRECTOR and points to his ear. Maybe we could get her an earpiece for next week to suggest what to say for the toss. To camera Our final couple were once bitter enemies. Can they put that aside and work togther for the good of... the Waltz?  
It's Lilah Morgan and Angel!

Cut to montage of clips.  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**ANGEL**  
Interview. In all of the following interview clips, ANGEL wears a bandage on his right cheek.  
Well, when I first saw that Lilah was gonna be my partner, I was kind of relieved. I mean, at least this way I know I don't have to go up against her. It's better to have her workin' for me instead of against me for once.  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rehearsal Clip

LILAH and ANGEL practicing Waltz moves. Something goes wrong and they stop.

**ANGEL**  
No, no, no. It's turn, stop, forward with the left foot.

**LILAH**  
No, it should be the right foot.

**ANGEL**  
I'm the teacher. It's the left.

**LILAH**  
I'm doing the right. Get over it.  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**LILAH**  
Interview  
Angel. Hmm. On the one hand, I was glad to see that he was my partner, and not somebody-- less capable. On the other hand, that pesky soul could get in the way. I'm not sure he's got the blood lust-- he won't go in for the kill. But I do know he'll go in for the pain, so that's a start. Maybe I can bring out a little Angelus... if I can get him to stop looking in the mirror for five seconds.  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rehearsal Clip

LILAH and ANGEL practicing Waltz. As the couple circles the floor, ANGEL's eyes don't leave the mirror.  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**ANGEL**  
Interview  
I think we work okay together. She even came up with the idea for the theme of our routine and our costumes, once we found out what dance we'd be doing, so she's into it. She's thinkin' and plottin' and schemin'.  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rehearsal Clip

ANGEL standing alone in dance studio. LILAH enters sporting braids with glittery ball bands on either side of her head.

**LILAH**  
Here it is, big boy. What do you think?

**ANGEL**  
That's-- that's how your wearing your hair?

**LILAH**  
Like it?

**ANGEL**  
Uh... uh... yeah.  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**ANGEL**  
Interview  
If she puts half the effort into this that she put into trying to destroy Angel Investigations, I don't see how anybody could beat us.  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rehearsal Clip

LILAH and ANGEL dancing. ANGEL leads LILAH into a series of spins. Her braids windmill out, hitting ANGEL in the face with each revolution.

**ANGEL**  
Ow. Ow. Ow.   
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**ANGEL**  
Interview  
That's why I don't mind letting her come up with ideas, I can see her mind workin'. Just... there's not gonna be any more braids. Rubs bandage.  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

montage ends

**ANNOUNCER**  
Dancing the Waltz, Lilah Morgan and Angel!

LILAH and ANGEL stike their starting poses on the dance floor. LILAH sits on the stairs to the stage. She is dressed like a schoolgirl, with short navy skirt and blue button-down collared blouse with a navy sweater over top. She is wearing glasses with brown plastic frames and has her hair braided in a pigtail on either side, tied at the bottom with a short blue ribbon. Her shoes look more like Mary Janes than the standard high-heeled dance shoe. She sits with her knees drawn tightly together and her hands placed primly on top of them.

ANGEL stands on the stage dressed in a tuxedo with tailcoat, white tie, vest, and tux shirt, with shiny black, patent leather dance shoes. He stands tall and authoritatively with his hands holding the flaps of his tailcoat, much as a proud father at a wedding reception might.

"Daddy's Little Girl" by Eddy Arnold plays.

ANGEL descends the steps, still holding his tailcoat, until he reaches the bottom, chest still puffed out in a haughty manner. He extends his left hand to LILAH, as if asking for a dance. She grins shyly, then puts her right hand in ANGEL's extended hand, and stands up. ANGEL rolls LILAH into a cuddle position, then rolls her back out, then back in again into dance position. They begin dancing Waltz moves.

ANGEL twirls LILAH into a backward dip supported by his left arm, his face hovering just above hers. ANGEL's right hand caresses the back of her head, changing the tone of the routine from father-daughter dance to suitor romancing the proper schoolgirl.

After a few more Waltz moves, they repeat the dip. ANGEL repeats his caress of LILAH's head, and this time LILAH reaches up to return the gesture. ANGEL catches LILAH's wrist before she can touch his hair, and wags a finger "no". LILAH then starts to remove her glasses but ANGEL stops this move as well, returning the glasses to her face, changing the tone yet again and revealing that this routine was actually about acting out the schoolgirl kink.

As the music reaches its climax, ANGEL leads LILAH back to the stairs, where she sits down again while he climbs the stairs and resumes his starting pose. LILAH's seated pose this time, however, is more fitting with the kink fantasy, as she sits "sidesaddle" on the bottom of the three stairs, one leg extended behind her. She stretches seductively as she lays herself up the stairs and licks her lips in a seductive invitation to ANGEL as the music ends.

The CROWD cheers. ANGEL descends the stairs, takes LILAH by the hand and helps her up, and they walk over to LORNE, who takes them to stand in front of the JUDGES' table.

**LORNE**  
Well, that was a sexy little number! And aren't you just a cutie in that outfit? Let's see what the judges have to say. Drusilla?

**DRUSILLA**  
Still seducing innocent girls, aren't you, naughty Daddy? Slyly I like it. CROWD cheers  
There's about to be a problem, but you'll be here next week. CROWD cheers

**LORNE**  
Heh. Dru, honey, shh. You can't give it away. How about you, Wes?

**WESLEY**  
Takes off his glasses, and looks at them rather than the dancers. Your dancing was strong and fluid, and you moved well across the floor. It was well done. CROWD cheers. WESLEY puts his glasses back on and looks sternly at LILAH. However, if you invoke Fred again, I'll see to it that you're out of the competition.

A hush falls over the CROWD. ANGEL looks sharply at LILAH at the mention of Fred's name.  
LILAH stares at WESLEY defiantly, with a knowing smirk on her face.

**LORNE**  
Um, okay. Oz?

**OZ**  
Huh. Well, Angel, your arms were stiff but the dancing was smooth. You guys work out whatever these other issues are and keep us out of it.  
The CROWD remains silent, still stunned.

**LORNE**  
All right, uh, Angelcakes, take Lilah backstage while we wait for the judges' scores.

Still glaring at LILAH, ANGEL walks her backstage where they meet ILLYRIA.

**ILLYRIA**  
Very well. Come to me. The half-breed appears angered.

ANGEL does not speak, just continues to glare.

**LILAH**  
Keep that up, Angel. If you work on it, I think that broody look could be a trademark for you.

**ILLYRIA**  
He does not deign to speak with you. Do you not fear the half-breed's reprisals?

**LILAH**  
He can't hurt me. He's noble.

**ILLYRIA**  
Nobility is for those afraid to use their power. The triumvirate of judges is not noble, and will use their power now.

Cut to judges' table.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Ladies and gentlemen, the judges' scores: Drusilla?

**DRUSILLA**  
Nine. CROWD cheers.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Wesley Wyndam-Price?

**WESLEY**  
Eight. CROWD groans.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Daniel Osbourne?

**OZ**  
Eight. CROWD claps politely.

**ILLYRIA**  
The judges have given you twenty-five out of thirty. But more importantly, I have a sword in my dressing room. If you wait here, I shall retrieve it.

ANGEL turns and walks off-camera. LILAH grins a guilty, knowing grin and follows him.

**ILLYRIA**  
To the camera, disappointedly. There will be no need for the sword. I am therefore finished for this evening.  
Walks off camera.

Cut to LORNE.

**LORNE**  
There you have it, folks! Nine couples have danced and now it's time to take a quick look at the Leader Board!

Cut to graphic listing the names of the couples and their scores as follows:

Clem & Buffy...27  
Spike & Faith...25  
Lilah & Angel...25  
Darla & Lindsey...22  
Sebassis & Willow...22  
Gunn & Cordelia...21  
Xander & Anya...21  
Harmony & Giles...19  
Glory & Ben...16

Cut back to LORNE

**LORNE cont.**  
And now it's time for _you_ to vote! Voting begins immediately following this episode, and will continue for almost two weeks! There will be no episode next week, as we're being pre-empted for Spring Training Baseball. But we'll return in _two weeks_ with our Results Show, when we'll combine the results of the voting with the judges' scores to find out which couple will be eliminated from the competition! The rules for voting are next, and we'll see you in two weeks on _Dancing With The Demons_!

Theme music plays, credits roll.

For voting, visit my LJ at http://redsrule1. 


	5. Results Show 1

Title: Dancing With the Demons, Results Show 1  
Author: **redsrule1**  
Fandoms: Buffy, Angel, Dancing With the Stars  
Rating: PG  
Disclaimer: I did not make up the characters, shows, the Waltz, or the Cha Cha. I just borrow them. However, I _can_ teach you any of the moves portrayed in the show.  
Pairings: Gen  
Characters: Just about everyone  
Author's Notes: Thanks as always to **yourlibrarian** for beta-ing above and beyond the call  
Summary: Nine couples, ONE winner, and _you_ decide who will be the champion!

Music strikes a low, dramatic chord and sustains it throughout the opening.

**ANNOUNCER**  
After five weeks of training, our nine couples hit the floor, to the delight of the crowd!

Clip from the previous Episode  
SPIKE leads FAITH into a series of sharp, quick spins. At the end of the last spin, FAITH stops inches from SPIKE's face and with a suggestive tick of the head they both blow each other a kiss. The CROWD squees and applauds.

Clip ends.

**ANNOUNCER**  
But controversy struck in the very first episode!

Episode clip  
LILAH and ANGEL stand with LORNE in front of the Judges' Table.

**WESLEY**  
If you invoke Fred again, I'll see to it that you're out of the competition.

A hush falls over the CROWD. ANGEL looks sharply at LILAH at the mention of Fred's name. LILAH stares at WESLEY defiantly, with a knowing smirk on her face..

Clip ends.

**ANNOUNCER**  
And a surprise leader emerged from the pack!

Episode Clip.  
ILLYRIA stands beside CLEM and BUFFY. CLEM is bouncing excitedly. BUFFY is smiling, as much from pride as from amusement at CLEM's reaction. CLEM throws his arms around BUFFY as an edited audio clip of the judges' scores is superimposed.

**DRUSILLA**  
Nine.

**WESLEY**  
Nine.

**OZ**  
Nine.

Clip ends.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Were _your_ votes enough to keep the leaders on top? Or did you rescue the couples at the bottom? WHO will be eliminated? We'll find out as one couple goes home tonight on _DANCING WITH THE DEMONS_!

Cue theme music. The same video introductions which opened the first episode play, then the live camera pans across eight couples plus GLORY, all wearing their dance costumes, and standing on the stage.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Live, from Hollywood! This is _DANCING WITH THE DEMONS: THE RESULTS_!

Music ends. Cut to LORNE and ILLYRIA standing at the side of the dance floor.

**LORNE**  
Hello, and welcome to _Dancing With The Demons: The Results_! I'm Lorne, your host!

**ILLYRIA**  
Scowls at LORNE. Do they not already know who we are? Were they not paying attention?

**LORNE**  
Heh. And that's our Illyria.

**ILLYRIA**  
God-king of the Primordium.

LORNE raises an eyebrow at ILLYRIA.

**ILLYRIA cont. **  
They should remember the most important information.

**LORNE**  
Shaking his head, smiling. Your votes are in, and they've been combined with the Judges' scores. All that remains is to announce the results.

**ILLYRIA**  
That is correct, Lorne. And yet the producers will have us waste time on meaningless segments of duboius interest in order to fill up the broadcast time allotted to us.

**LORNE**  
And we're gonna go to one of those segments right now! While our couples were dancing and getting comments from the judges, we took our cameras and microphones out into the audience to see what _they_ thought! Let's listen!

Cut to montage of Audience Interview Clips.  
---------------------------------------------------------------

JOYCE SUMMERS and PRINCIPAL SNYDER stand facing the camera with the dance floor in the background.

**SNYDER**  
It's disgusting! Raising the dead and having them dance with these-- these-- delinquents. And raising _us_ from the dead to have us watch. We must be in hell.

**JOYCE**  
Well, _I_ think it's great. And my Buffy's in first place! Oh, if only she'd taken up dancing in ninth grade instead of Slaying! And Rupert did a nice job as well.

**SNYDER**  
You think so? I didn't.  
-----------------------------------------------------------------

GRONX, DREG, and JINX

**DREG**  
I think that her Most Holy Glorificus will crush the competition.

**JINX**  
Yes, but will she _dance_ better than the rest?

**DREG**  
Well, that's kind of what I meant.

**JINX**  
Her Most High Dancer will both crush and dance better than her opponents!

**DREG**  
That one didn't sound quite right. It sounds like she's been dipping into the ritual herbs.

**GRONX**  
Quietly. I like Spike.  
------------------------------------------------------------

MAYOR WILKINS and D'HOFFRYN

**MAYOR WILKINS**  
My Faith danced beautifully. And I disagree, I thought her costume was just fine. It was modest and pretty, just like her.

**D'HOFFRYN**  
It was indeed a nice costume. And Anyanka's costume was quite pretty as well.

**MAYOR WILKINS**  
See, that's the trouble with these kids nowadays. They can't appreciate beauty and understatement. Everything has to be _extreme_-- the dances have to be "bolder", the costumes have to be shorter.

**D'HOFFRYN**  
I agree. Either you can dance or you can't. There's no need for revealing costumes.

**MAYOR WILKINS**  
Precicely! Now, just look at that Witch's skimpy costume--

**D'HOFFRYN**  
I was.

**MAYOR WILKINS**  
--parading around like a harlot. I wouldn't want to see my Faith dressed like that.

**D'HOFFRYN**  
I would.  
------------------------------------------------

Montage ends.

**LORNE**  
But here comes the moment you've all been waiting for! We can now reveal, in no particular order, the results for three of our couples.

**ILLYRIA**  
Cocks her head as she reads the teleprompter. You are correct, Lorne. Scoffs. Except for the implication that we were unable to do so until now.

**LORNE**  
Gunn and Cordelia!

Cut to a close up of GUNN and CORDELIA as a spotlight hits them. CORDELIA flashes an Oscar-worthy smile.

**LORNE cont.**  
The judges thought you could have worked harder. But did you work hard enough for the audience?

LORNE pauses. After a couple seconds, ILLYRIA turns her head to look at LORNE, eyes narrowed, and examines him intently.

**ILLYRIA**  
To LORNE. You are supposed to continue reading the teleprompter.

**LORNE cont.**  
You did! You're going on to the next round!

CROWD cheers. CORDELIA gives GUNN a celebratory hug as the spotlight fades from them.

**ILLYRIA**  
Your most Magnificent Glorificus!

The spotlight hits GLORY, and she smiles, basking in it.

**ILLYRIA cont.**  
Waving her hand dismissively. And that unworthy human shell you inhabit. Reading teleprompter, but also embellishing a bit. Two of the three judges were incapable of appreciating your most sublime presentation. Was the audience any less ignorant? No they were not. You are in the bottom two.

**GLORY**  
As spotlight fades. WHAT! Those ungrateful-- Her microphone is cut.

**LORNE**  
Lilah and Angel!

Close up of LILAH and ANGEL as the spotlight hits them. ANGEL flinches at the sudden bright light, then catches himself. SPIKE laughs.

**LORNE cont.**  
Drusilla predicted that you would continue to the next round. Did the audience's votes prove her right?

**ILLYRIA**  
Of course they did. The female half-breed has the sight. What kind of question is that?

LORNE sighs and shrugs his shoulders.

**LORNE**  
They did. You are moving on to the next round.

CROWD cheers. LILAH throws her arms wide to give ANGEL a congratualtory hug, but he ignores her. She throws her arms around him anyway.

**LORNE**  
We'll announce some more results in a moment. But first, we have our "Slime-Feast Challenge!" As we've seen, ballroom dancing is good exercise and a great way to lose weight. And we all know that a good diet including Slim-Fast shakes is a delicious way for humans to lose weight. What we want to find out is will dancing and a Slim-Fast diet help demons lose weight? What do you think, Illyria?

**ILLYRIA**  
I think this is merely a contrived event for the purpose of enticing gullible humans to purchase our sponsor's product. It will give our sponsor a competitive advantage over the makers of similar products, and is therefore a worthy investment on the sponsor's part.

**LORNE**  
No more open-ended questions for you, Blueberry. And speaking of blueberries, Slim-Fast now comes in a delicious new "Blueberry" flavor! But she's right, it _is_ a worthy investment, and Slim-Fast is going to produce a new line of products for demons called "Slime-Feast"! To try it out, we're gonna give one lucky demon a Slime-Feast diet and ballroom dance lessons! Our cameras were there when the demon was selected.

Cut to film.  
-----------------------------------------------------------------

A dark sewage tunnel. A large YARBNIE demon lumbers along, sipping on the straw of a giant convenience store soft drink marked "The Chug." The sound of the YARBNIE slurping the drink is the only sound that can be heard until a metallic clank sounds.

**YARBNIE**  
Hello? Wh-who's there, please?

Receiving no answer, the YARBNIE turns and waddles hurriedly away. He is hit from behind by a barrage of bright lights, which illuminate the entire sewer.

**YARBNIE cont.**  
D-don't hurt me, please!

The YARBNIE tries to move faster, dropping "The Chug."

**VOICE**  
From off camera. Stop! Don't worry! We're not going to hurt you.

**YARBNIE**  
Stops, looks cautiously around toward the voice. Wh- what do you want? You made me drop my "Chug."

A hand extends into camera range, holding a "Slime-Feast" can out toward the demon.

**VOICE**  
We want you to try drinking this delicious Slime-Feast shake instead. We're going to help you lose weight with Slime-Feast and Ballroom Dancing!

Hands shove microphones toward the demon. The demon turns to flee.

**YARBNIE**  
Running away Yaaaaaah!  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Film ends. Cut to LORNE and ILLYRIA.

**ILLYRIA**  
Do not be alarmed. We have captured the demon and the promotion will continue as scheduled.

**LORNE**  
With the Yarbnie's consent, I might add! And we'll check back in next week as the ballroom training begins. Right now, we can reveal the results for three more couples! Spike and Faith!

A spotlight hits SPIKE and FAITH, and SPIKE is unable to resist flinching at the bright light. ANGEL chuckles, and SPIKE glares at him.

**LORNE cont.**  
The judges liked your routine but felt there was room for improvement. Was the audience vote enough to give you a chance to make those improvements?

**ILLYRIA**  
The half-breed predicted this result as well, and--

**LORNE**  
Shhhh!

ILLYRIA's eyes widen at the audacity of LORNE shushing her. LORNE grins a bit sheepishly and mouths "Sorry" to her.

**LORNE cont.**  
They-- they did. You're going to the second round!

CROWD cheers. SPIKE gives FAITH a high five as the spotlight fades.

**ILLYRIA**  
Clem and Buffy.

A spotlight hits CLEM and BUFFY. CLEM closes his eyes tight and crosses fingers on both hands.

**ILLYRIA cont.**  
Reading from teleprompter. You surprised the dancing world when you took the Leader Board by storm. But did you take the voters by storm as well? Yes, you did. You, too, will move on to the next round.

ILLYRIA looks pointedly at LORNE and motions toward the teleprompter as if to say "see? That's how you do it." CLEM squeals and jumps, then throws his arms around BUFFY. The spotlight fades.

**LORNE**  
You're supposed to pause before you announce the result.

**ILLYRIA**  
Why? The result is revealed plainly on the teleprompter.

**LORNE**  
Sighs. Xander and Anya!

A spotlight hits XANDER and ANYA. ANYA's eyes narrow as she looks threateningly at XANDER. XANDER grins nervously.

**LORNE cont.**  
The judges gave you lukewarm scores and said that your dancing was stiff, but adequate. Was it adequate enough to get you through to the next round?

LORNE pauses and looks at ILLYRIA. She eyes him, then the teleprompter. Then LORNE, then the teleprompter. She opens her mouth to speak, but LORNE beats her to it.

**LORNE cont.**  
It was! You will go on to the next round!

XANDER opens his arms to hug ANYA. Her eyes narrow as she glares at him with a look that says "You're lucky." XANDER grins, then wipes his brow. The spotlight fades.

**LORNE**  
That's five couples who've already made it to the second round, and one in the bottom two. We'll discover the fate of the remaining three couples in a moment. But first, there's something I've been wondering about. As you all know, our teachers spent a week at a training camp before they ever met their partners. Haven't you been wondering what happened during that week?

**ILLYIRA**  
I have not.

**LORNE**  
Ignoring her. I have, too! The journey began five weeks ago, when the eight contestants selected to be teachers left to attend a Dance Camp where they were given a week of intensive training, and a spell to give them the knowledge and ability of a professional dancer. Our cameras were there to capture the fun!

Cut to montage of scenes from the Teachers' Dance Camp.  
--------------------------------------------------------------------

**WILLOW**  
Sitting at a table at the side of a dance floor, speaking to BUFFY I'm really excited about this! I get to be a teacher again.

**BUFFY**  
Yeah, but look who you might have to teach. I mean, what if you end up with somebody like-- like-- well, have you seen who's in this thing?

**WILLOW**  
We're not thinking about that right now. We're just thinking about how much I liked to teach. Maybe after this is over I could become a witch teacher.

**ANYA**  
Sitting down at the table. Which teacher?  
-------------------------------------------------------------------

**GLORY**  
Speaking to DREG, a minion. Just tell him to let me out when they zap him with the spell. If we time it right, we'll both get hit with it and we'll both be pros.

**DREG**  
Bowing submissively. Of course, your most Holy Impatient Holiness. I will tell him.  
----------------------------------------------------------------

**FEMALE PROFESSIONAL DANCE INSTRUCTOR**  
Standing on the dance floor, talking to ANGEL I'm sorry, but shaking your hands like maracas does not constitute arm styling.  
--------------------------------------------------------------

**BEN**  
Shaking his head. No. Absolutely not. _I_ was chosen as the teacher, and I will accept the spell. She's not even supposed to be here.  
_You're_ not even supposed to be here.

**DREG**  
You put me in a most awkward position, sir. Her most supreme holiness will not be pleased.

**BEN**  
I'll be sure to do an extra-sad Rumba for her.  
------------------------------------------------------------

**WILLOW**  
No, _witch_ teacher.

**ANYA**  
That's what I said. "Which teacher?"

**WILLOW**  
Exasperated. Arrgh!

**BUFFY**  
Standing up from the table. I'm leaving.  
------------------------------------------------------

**GLORY**  
Why can't he ever think of anyone besides himself? It's always him, him, him. Doesn't he realize that _I_ need to win? I have to plan my comeback and I don't have four weeks to play "Dirty Dancing" and learn the Mambo!

**DREG**  
Begging your most blessed pardon your Great-- Pardony -- Benevolence. But I don't believe Mambo is one of the dances scheduled to –

DREG is hit on the side of the head by a a high heeled shoe, thrown by GLORY. DREG bows humbly.

**DREG cont.**  
Thank you, Oh Spikey-heeled One.  
--------------------------------------------------------

FAITH is dancing with a PRFESSIONAL INSTRUCTOR on one side of the floor while BUFFY practices with her INSTRUCTOR on the other side.

**FAITH**  
To BUFFY You're goin' down, B! I am the Cha Cha queen!

**BUFFY**  
Think so? Well, I'm the Samba Slayer!  
---------------------------------------------------------

**WILLOW**  
No, witch as in wicca. You know, casting spells.

**ANYA**  
Yes, I know. Which teacher is a wicca?  
--------------------------------------------------------

GILES, BUFFY, and CORDELIA stand near the edge of the dance floor, watching other couples dance.

**GILES**  
If they're going to simply perform a spell on us, why do we need a week of this horrid dance camp?

**BUFFY**  
That's what I was wondering. I could be spending my time in wardrobe picking out my costumes.

**CORDELIA**  
Hey! I already called dibs to be the first one to go to Costuming.

**BUFFY**  
Maybe it's to make sure we're all in shape. You know, like all that training you made me do even though I already knew that stake plus vampire equals Dust Buster.

**GILES**  
Yes, quite.

**CORDELIA**  
It's obvious that you guys know nothing about Hollywood. It's probably so that they can film us and do a montage for the show.

**GILES**  
Oh, good Lord. You don't suppose they caught that wretched "Chicken Dance" on film, do you?  
-------------------------------------------------------------

Montage ends.

**LORNE**  
A great time! I'm glad I wasn't there. But now, it is time to reveal the results for the rest of our couples! Darla and Lindsey!

A spotlight hits DARLA and LINDSEY. DARLA does not flinch, but maintains her confident smile and looks at ANGEL and SPIKE out of the corner of her eyes.

**LORNE cont.**  
The judges liked your Waltz but thought it should move more. Will _you_ be moving on to the second round?

LORNE pauses. ILLYRIA squints at the teleprompter, then looks quizzically at LORNE. LORNE smiles knowingly.

**LORNE cont.**  
You will! You're moving on!

CROWD cheers. DARLA smiles. LINDSEY gives her a hug as the spotlight fades.

**ILLYRIA**  
Harmony and Giles.

A spotlight hits HARMONY and GILES.

**ILLYRIA cont. **  
Sebassis and Willow.

A spotlight hits SEBASSIS and WILLOW.

**ILLYRIA cont.**  
One of you will continue to the next round, and one of you is in the bottom two. The couple continuing to the next round is-- my teleprompter has ceased to function.

LORNE smiles knowingly and points at the machine. ILLYRIA looks at him, then fixes her unblinking gaze upon the teleprompter.

**ILLYRIA cont.**  
Sebassis and Willow. The machine is working again now.

**LORNE**  
Glory and Ben. Harmony and Giles.

A red spotlight hits both couples, and we see both couples simultaneously in a split screen.

**LORNE cont.**  
You were the bottom two couples in our standings, and one of you will be eliminated tonight.

HARMONY bounces nervously. GILES rolls his eyes and mouths the word "me." GLORY stands steadfastly and stares at LORNE with narrowed eyes.

**LORNE cont.**  
Based on the judges' scores and the audience vote, the couple with the lowest score and therefore leaving the competition is--

LORNE pauses.

**LORNE cont.**  
Glory and Ben.

HARMONY jumps for joy and throws her arms around GILES, who rolls his eyes. BEN, dressed in GLORY's ballroom dress, walks up to LORNE.

**LORNE cont.**  
That's uh, an interesting choice of wardrobe there.

**BEN**  
Shaking his head. It's typical. She's there for the whole show, ready to accept the praise but the second it goes against her she takes off so fast I don't even have time to morph into my own clothes.

**ILLYRIA**  
It is only fitting that one as great as she should not have to stand by and endure the ignominy. You have made yourself useful. Do not taint yourself with your whining.

**BEN**  
Yeah, whatever. Can I go now?

**LORNE**  
Well, first you're supposed to have your last… uh, dance. So let's hear it now for Ben as he and his… partner have their last dance! And we'll be back next week for round two of _DANCING WITH THE DEMONS_!

BEN walks out into the center of the dance floor as "All By Myself" by Eric Carmen plays. With eyes rolled he sways back and forth a little bit, then the other contestants descend from the stage and mill around him, shaking his hand and giving him hugs. GILES remains conspicuously at the back of the pack, neither shaking BEN's hand nor even looking at him.

End credits.


	6. Episode 2, Pt 1

Title: Dancing With the Demons, Ep. 2 (Part 1)  
Author: **redsrule1**  
Fandoms: Buffy, Angel, Dancing With the Stars  
Rating: PG  
Disclaimer: I did not make up the characters, shows, the Rumba, or the Quickstep. I just teach how to do them.  
Pairings: Gen  
Characters: Just about everyone  
Author's Notes: Thanks to my super-beta, **yourlibrarian**.  
Summary: Nine couples, ONE winner, and you decide who will be the champion!

Music strikes a low chord. Clips from the previous episode are shown with the ANNOUNCER's voice over.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Last week had everything! There was romance!

DARLA and LINDSEY dancing in their nineteenth century costumes.

**ANNOUNCER cont.**  
Violence!

ILLYRIA throws microphone through the set wall.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Controversy!

ANGEL looks sternly at LILAH who is wearing a schoolgirl costume.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Sex appeal!

SEBASSIS licks his thumb and "smooths back" his horn.

**ANNOUNCER**  
And a surprise leader!

CLEM struts onto the dance floor like Mick Jagger.

**ANNOUNCER**  
And we're just getting started! What will happen next? Find out, on _DANCING WITH THE DEMONS_!

Cue theme song, video introductions of all nine couples. Then the camera pans live across the eight remaining couples standing on the stage.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Live, from Hollywood! This is _DANCING WITH THE DEMONS_!

Music ends. Close shot of LORNE and ILLYRIA.

**LORNE**  
Welcome back to _DANCING WITH THE DEMONS_! I'm Lorne!

**ILLYRIA**  
Again? Are they deficient? Do we-- cocks her head to one side and holds a hand up to her ear. There are voices.

**LORNE**  
And that's Illyria--

**ILLRYIA**  
Distractedly God-king of the Primordium.

**LORNE**  
--who is coming to grips with the new transmitter in her ear. Last week we said goodbye to our first couple, if they can be called that. After this episode we will say goodbye to another. Who will it be? No one can yet say.

**DRUSILLA**  
I can. It will be microphone cuts off.

**LORNE**  
Heh. Anyway, tonight, each couple will demonstrate why they think they should continue to the next round with their proficiency at either the Rumba or the Quickstep! And starting us off tonight with the Rumba is Darla and Lindsey!

Cut to montage.  
---------------------------------------------------

**ANNOUNCER**  
Last time, the judges liked Darla and Linsey's Waltz but felt there was something missing!  
-------------------------------------------------

Episode Clip  
DARLA and LINDSEY stand with LORNE in front of the the Judges' Table.

**OZ**  
The Waltz was fine. Darla needs to use a heel lead and move out more.  
--------------------------------------------------

**ANNOUNCER**  
But Darla vowed that this week would be different!  
-----------------------------------------------------

Episode Clip  
DARLA and LINDSEY stand backstage with ILLYRIA.

**ILLYRIA**  
Perhaps next time you will improve upon your performance.

**DARLA**  
You can count on it.  
--------------------------------------------------------

**LINDSEY**  
Darla seems a little more into it this week.  
----------------------------------------------------------

Rehearsal Clip  
DARLA and LINDSEY practicing in a dance studio. They stop. LINDSEY bends over, breathing hard, obviously tired.

**LINDSEY**  
Okay, that was good. Let's take five.

**DARLA**  
That _wasn't_ good! Let's do it again!  
------------------------------------------------------------

**DARLA**  
Interview  
I can't really say I gave it my all last week. And I think the results reflected that.  
---------------------------------------------------------------

Rehearsal Clip  
DARLA and LINDSEY stand in a dance studio.

**LINDSEY**  
We did fine last week. We got a 22 from the judges, and the voters kept us out of the bottom two.

**DARLA**  
We did _not_ do "fine." We were _fourth_!

**LINDSEY**  
Out of nine. As long as we're not ninth, we're good.

**DARLA**  
We are _not_ good. _Both_ of those trampy Slayers beat us. _Spike_ beat us, for god's sake. Angel beat us!

**LINDSEY**  
Yeah, but we beat five other couples.

**DARLA**  
Scoffs. Humans and demon wannabes. Did you hear me when I said that Angel beat us? _Angel_? Not _Angelus_? My god, he's not even a real vampire and he beat us.

**LINDSEY**  
We beat Harmony.

With vampiric speed, DARLA grabs LINDSEY's throat.  
----------------------------------------------------------------------

**LINDSEY**  
Interview  
We'll do all right this week. We know who to play to now.  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Rehearsal Clip  
DARLA and LINDSEY sitting at a table in the dance studio, looking at sheets of paper.

**DARLA**  
But it says right here.

**LINDSEY**  
It's a loophole. Trust me. I know loopholes. The crowd will love it, and Drusilla's not going to give you a bad score. Hell, she'll love it, too. Our scores from the other judges might suffer for a week, but we do this and we'll stand out from the rest of the pack for weeks.

**DARLA**  
You'd better be right.  
------------------

Montage ends.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Dancing the Rumba, Darla and Lindsey McDonald!

DARLA stands one end of the dance floor, wearing a suit jacket with tasteful dance leggings instead of pants or a skirt. Her hair is tied up in a bun in the back. She is studying a legal pad. LINDSEY, also wearing a sharp business suit, stands in the middle of the floor, eyeing DARLA intensely.

"Sign Your Name" by Terence Trent D'Arby plays.

DARLA walks to the opposite end of the floor, still studying the pad. LINDSEY begins to sway with the music, eyes never leaving DARLA as she continues to walk around the perimeter. LINDSEY begins to dance toward her, trying to catch her attention, but she doesn't notice him. Finally he catches her, palming the back of her head and pulling her close, staring into her eyes only inches from his. DARLA begins to sway her hips and body with his. He throws the legal pad away and takes her in dance position, and they begin dancing some Rumba moves.

LINDSEY holds his hands out to the side, and they begin to turn slowly in place. As they turn, DARLA arches her back. Grinding her hips into his, she does a backbend until her arms almost touch the floor. The CROWD applauds. She slowly returns to a standing position and locks her hands behind his head, forearms on his shoulders. Still turning, DARLA lifts one foot into an Arabesque, then, amazingly, the other. The CROWD cheers. Slower than humanly possible, she continues to raise her feet higher and higher until she is vertical above him, her forearms supporting herself on his shoulders. The CROWD squeals and cheers. Suddenly, she snaps her arms out straight to her sides, and drops. LINDSEY catches her ankles at the end of her free-fall, her head an inch from the floor as the CROWD gasps. She lowers her hands to the floor for support as LINDSEY releases first one, then the other ankle, and she stands upright. They go directly into more Rumba moves without missing a beat.

As the music ends, they break apart. DARLA retrieves her legal pad and resumes studying it as she returns to her starting spot on the floor, her back to LINDSEY. He returns to his own starting spot, and resumes looking at her as if the encounter had never really happened. The CROWD stands and cheers wildly.

DARLA and LINDSEY walk separately over to stand beside LORNE in front of the Judges' Table.

LORNE is forced to wait a moment for the CROWD to quiet down.

**LORNE**  
Oh, my. I am speechless. CROWD cheers. I'm assuming they're cheering because they agree with my reaction, and not because you've shut me up. But hopefully you haven't left Wesley speechless, because he's going to tell us what we're looking for in a Rumba.

**WESLEY**  
Of course. Well, the Rumba is a latin dance, so we're looking for the classic hip motion. But since Rumba is more romantic than Cha Cha, we're also looking for lots of style and a sensual connection between the partners.

**LORNE**  
And did we see that in Darla and Lindsey's routine?

**WESLEY**  
We did. CROWD cheers. But unfortunately we also saw an illegal lift. CROWD boos vehemently.

**LINDSEY**  
I didn't lift her. She lifted herself.

**WESLEY**  
None the less, you were supporting her in a move she could not have done by herself, and so it counts as a lift and is _illegal_. CROWD boos again.

**LORNE**  
Okay, Oz?

**OZ**  
You broke the rules. But still, whoa. CROWD cheers.

**LORNE**  
And Drusilla?

**DRUSILLA**  
Oh, Grandmama, my lovely daughter. The grumpy man wants to spank you but my heart is singing.

**LORNE**  
Okay, you two go on backstage.

**WESLEY**  
I'm not grumpy! Rules are rules!

**DRUSILLA**  
You're grumpy. Grumpy grumpy grum-py!

Cut to backstage where DARLA and LINDSEY stand with ILLYRIA. SEBASSIS and WILLOW sit on the couch behind them.

**ILLYRIA**  
Half-breed.

**DARLA**  
God-king.

ILLYRIA eyes LINDSEY for a moment, but he doesn't speak.

**ILLYRIA**  
Human.

**LINDSEY**  
God-king.

**ILLYRIA**  
You have broken the rules.

**LINDSEY**  
A calculated risk.

**ILLYRIA**  
They bade me not bring my sword from my dressing room or I would mete out-- grabs her ear --the voices have returned.

Cut to Judges' Table.

**ANNOUNCER**  
The Judges are ready with their scores. Drusilla?

**DRUSILLA**  
Eight. CROWD cheers.

**DARLA**  
From backstage "_Eight_"?!?

**ANNOUNCER**  
Wesley Wyndam-Price?

**WESLEY**  
Five. CROWD boos.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Daniel Osbourne?

**OZ**  
Six. CROWD groans.

Cut to backstage.

**ILLYRIA**  
The Judges have given you a score of nineteen. I consider that generous given your flagrant violation of the rules. Yet you smile, human. Are you not shamed?

**DARLA**  
Ha! He's a lawyer.

**LINDSEY**  
We did what we set out to do. To camera Vote for us! We need your votes!

DARLA and LINDSEY walk off-camera.

**ILLYRIA**  
The voices tell me to do things.

Cut to LORNE.

**LORNE**  
Shaking his head. Coming up next, he was "Too sexy" for the Cha Cha, but can he sex up the Rumba? It's Sebassis and Willow!

Cut to montage.  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

**ANNOUNCER**  
Last week, SEBASSIS and WILLOW caught everyone's attention with a revealing Cha Cha!

Episode Clip  
SEBASSIS and WILLOW stand with LORNE in front of the Judges' Table.

**OZ**  
Whoa.  
---------------------------------------------------------------

**ANNOUNCER**  
But can they turn mock sexiness into real Rumba sexiness?  
------------------------------------------------------------------

Rehearsal Clip  
SEBASSIS and WILLOW stand on the dance floor. ARTODE and the SLAVE stand nearby. SEBASSIS' gaze is unwavering as WILLOW speaks.

**WILLOW**  
This time we really have to _be_-- you know.

**ARTODE**  
She's trying to say "sexy" again.

**SEBASSIS**  
My child, if you can't bring yourself to say it, how are we ever going to _portray_ it on the dance floor?  
--------------------------------------------------------------------

**WILLOW**  
Interview  
I guess I'm just having trouble picturing-- the Archduke-- y'know. That's not-- an image I want-- oh, God, there it was.  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Rehearsal Clip  
The screen is black, but we have audio.

**SEBASSIS**  
Do I shake my hips like this?

**WILLOW**  
Um, no, not quite. Here, like this.

**SEBASSIS**  
I see. With more of a thrusting motion.

**CAMERAMAN**  
Voice starting quiet and growing louder, as if he is returning from somewhere.  
Hey, what the--? Who put this cloak over the lens?  
------------------------------------------------------------------------

**SEBASSIS**  
Interview  
The child is shy enough without her every movement being recorded.  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rehearsal Clip  
SEBASSIS stands in a dance studio facing the mirror, his back to the camera. WILLOW stands behind him, her hands on his hips.

**WILLOW**  
The hips move from side to side, like this. Do you feel that?

**SEBASSIS**  
A hint of impatience in his voice I do not.

SEBASSIS walks away from WILLOW, frustrated. As he walks toward the SLAVE, he sees the camera, and motions to ARTODE.

**SEBASSIS cont.**  
Artode!

ARTODE walks toward the camera until his body takes up the entire screen.  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

**WILLOW**  
Interview  
We had a little trouble getting the Latin hip motion right. --Or, actually, started. But we worked it out.  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

**SEBASSIS**  
Interview  
I had a little trouble convincing her to wear this week's costume, but I prevailed.  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Rehearsal Clip  
SEBASSIS and WILLOW talking in a dance studio.

WILLOW b  
I don't want to wear that. It's demeaning.

**SEBASSIS**  
My dear, it's just like we discussed last week. We must use every means at our disposal. Now do you want to win, or not?

**WILLOW**  
Sighing Fine, I'll wear it.  
-------------------------------------------------------------------

Montage Ends.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Dancing the Rumba, the Archduke Sebassis and Willow Rosenberg!

SEBASSIS and WILLOW stand facing each other in the middle of the dance floor with about two feet of space between them. He wears a hooded grey robe which is short enough to allow him to dance but full enough that we can't really see his figure. WILLOW wears a black pointed witch's hat and a long, sleek black dress, reminiscent of Morticia Addams. They begin to pantomime stirring a witch's cauldron.

"Black Magic Woman" by Santana plays.

As the music kicks in, their pantomime stirring becomes dancing. They begin to dance around the imaginary cauldron, WILLOW's hips moving with the music, SEBASSIS' hidden by his robe. They take each other in dance position and begin doing some Rumba moves.

Cut to backstage, where SPIKE and FAITH sit on the couch.

**FAITH**  
Looks like the performance anxiety issues are being resolved.

**SPIKE**  
Who told you about that?

**FAITH**  
Um, she did, in her interview last week. Where were you?

**SPIKE**  
Nowhere. I was never in her dorm room. An' besides, it was the chip.

**FAITH**  
What?

Cut to dance floor. WILLOW breaks from dance position and rolls out away from SEBASSIS. Facing him, she wiggles her fingers at him as if casting a spell, then pulls her hands toward herself, then reaches out and pulls in again, as if her wiggling fingers were a fishing line. With each of WILLOW's pulls, SEBASSIS takes a couple of halting steps forward, as if trying to resist being pulled in. He reaches her as the music ends, and collapses into her arms on the last chord. The CROWD cheers.

SEBASSIS stands up and offers an elbow to WILLOW and escorts her to LORNE and the Judges' Table.

**LORNE**  
Another engaging routine, guys. Let's see what the judges thought. Oz? Tell us what you thought, and pray, be brief.

**OZ**  
It was cute. CROWD cheers.

**LORNE**  
You need to learn about sarcasm, Cherry Pie. Dru?

**DRUSILLA**  
Ooh, the little witch is coming to steal the goodies in my basket for Grandmama and wants to eat them up. You'd better be cooking up a blindness spell 'coz I see what's coming. And the warlock keeps his secrets hidden under his robe.

**LORNE**  
Okay, Wes, you just _try_ and follow that act.

**WESLEY**  
I won't even attempt it. Chuckles from the CROWD. I can say, however, that on the whole, it was a solid routine, full of true Rumba steps which I like. CROWD applauds. However, as Dru pointed out in her own… inimitable way, Sebassis, your robe hid everything. We couldn't see you dance at all! WILLOW blushes. She bows her head and grins like the cat who ate the canary. The CROWD boos. WESLEY turns to look at them. Oh, and I suppose you're all demons with X-ray vision! CROWD laughs.

**LORNE**  
Zing! I think that makes the score this week Crowd 2, Wesley 1.

**WESLEY**  
I think that's already more than I scored the whole of last week, Lorne. CROWD laughs.

**LORNE**  
Oh, he shoots, he scores! Tie game! I think you're getting' the hang of this, Wesley! Sebassis and Willow have gone backstage with Illyria. Let's join them!

Cut to backstage, where ILLYRIA stands with SEBASSIS and WILLOW. SPIKE and FAITH sit on the couch.

**ILLYRIA**  
The robe was a subterfuge, meant to camouflage the Archduke's inability to properly move his hips.

**WILLOW**  
Sheepishly Y- you figured that out, huh?

**ILLYRIA**  
I did not need to "figure it out." Do you suppose that I am as feeble as these humans? I cannot be so easily fooled. I have seen all there is to see. I-- (ILLYRIA breaks off and a hand jerks to her ear).

**SEBASSIS**  
Apparently, however, her highness has not _heard_ all there is to hear.

Cut to Judges' Table.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Will the judges please reveal their scores? Drusilla?

**DRUSILLA**  
Seven. CROWD applauds.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Wesley Wyndam-Price?

**WESLEY**  
Seven. CROWD applauds.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Daniel Osbourne?

**OZ**  
Eight. CROWD cheers.

Cut to backstage.

**ILLYRIA**  
The voices tell me that you have scored a twenty-two. Apparently they think me incapable of math, yet I was adding the numbers of thousands of legions before they-- to SEBASSIS and WILLOW They wish you good fortune in the upcoming voting.

Cut to LORNE

**LORNE**  
Okay, our next couple wowed the judges and the audience last week with a hot Cha Cha! Can they heat up the Quickstep? It's Spike and Faith!

Cut to montage.  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

**ANNOUNCER**  
Last episode, SPIKE and FAITH dazzled with their sexy Cha Cha!

Episode Clip  
SPIKE and FAITH stand with LORNE in front of the Judges' Table.

**DRUSILLA**  
That was lovely. You made all the fireworks go off in my head.  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

**FAITH**  
Interview  
I think the Quickstep will be a little harder for us than the Cha Cha.  
--------------------------------------------------------------------

Rehearsal Clip.  
SPIKE and FAITH practicing in a dance studio. They attempt a quick promenade run. SPIKE trips and goes crashing into the small tables and chairs at the side of the dance floor.  
---------------------------------------------------------------------

**SPIKE**  
Rehearsal's goin' fine. Quickstep's easy.  
-------------------------------------------------------------------

Rehearsal Clip.  
SPIKE and FAITH practicing in a dance studio. They attempt a quick promenade run. SPIKE trips, and grabs FAITH for support. They both go crashing into the small tables and chairs at the side of the dance floor.  
----------------------------------------------------------------

**SPIKE**  
Interview  
She's a bit argumentative, tho'. _An'_ a hypocrite!  
------------------------------------------------------------------

Rehearsal Clip  
SPIKE stands outside the dance studio, leaning against a wall, smoking. FAITH joins him.

**FAITH**  
Gimme one.

**SPIKE**  
Shaking a cigarette out of his pack and offers it to her.

**FAITH**  
Grabbing the cigarette. Gimme a light.

**SPIKE**  
Sure you don't want that smoke smell hanging about?

**FAITH**  
Distractedly What?

**SPIKE**  
Singsong Someone's got a habit.

**FAITH**  
Puts the cigarette in her mouth and reaches into his pocket for a lighter.  
So?

**SPIKE**  
You gave me all that grief last week about smoking, but look who can't stay away now.

**FAITH**  
I gave you grief about _burning_ me and about smoking _while_ you're supposed to be dancing. Where the hell is that lighter?

**SPIKE**  
Just keep rootin' around in there till you find it.

**FAITH**  
Pulling the lighter out. Got it.

**SPIKE**  
Sure that's what you actually wanted?

**FAITH**  
Oh, when I want anything else in there, I'll take that, too. And if you don't watch your feet on the next promenade run, I might take all sorts of things.  
----------------------------------------------------------------

Montage ends.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Dancing the Quickstep, William The Bloody and Faith Lahane!

SPIKE stands at the top of the stage, dressed in tan tuxedo pants and a white tux shirt, covered with a leopard print tuxedo vest and matching bow tie. FAITH, standing on the opposite side of the stage, wears a short ball gown made of see-through leopard print material. The only opaque parts of the gown are the matching print bra and bikini areas.

"I Wanna Be Like You" from The Jungle Book plays.

SPIKE descends the stairs as FAITH walks to the center of the stage then leaps off. The CROWD squeals as SPIKE catches her under her shoulders and swings her, quite high, back and forth. At the top of one swing he releases her, and she flips over, landing in a crouched position and looking much like the cat her costume suggests. The CROWD cheers wildly.

They stalk each other, circling around, then meet in dance position for a promenade run.

SPIKE lifts FAITH and tosses her a couple of feet away and the CROWD cheers again. She lands and immediately does a little Charleston to fit the music. SPIKE mimics it. He does a similar step and she copies it. The CROWD cheers louder as they go back and forth, challenging each other with more and more intricate moves. Then they return to dance hold for a couple of Quickstep moves toward the stage. Once there, SPIKE tosses FAITH up onto the stage where she lands in that same crouch as the music ends. The CROWD stands and cheers.

SPIKE extends a hand to FAITH and escorts her down the stairs and over to LORNE, in front of the Judges' Table.

**LORNE**  
Wow, kids, that routine had everything in it but the kitchen sink. While you catch your breath, we'll have Wesley tell us what we're looking for in a Quickstep. Wes?

**WESLEY**  
Well, we're looking for fast footwork, quick hops and skips, and smooth movements.

**LORNE**  
And did we get that with Spike and Faith's Quickstep?

**WESLEY**  
We didn't get any _Quickstep_ in their Quickstep. CROWD boos loudly. You said it best yourself, Lorne, that routine had everything but the kitchen sink, including lifts, which as I've said before, are illegal! CROWD boos more loudly. What it _didn't_ have was very much Quickstep.

**SPIKE**  
Hey, it was a good routine! And she even wore a sexy outfit!

**WESLEY**  
It was a good acrobatic routine. It was not a _ballroom_ routine. And her costume was indeed quite fetching.

**FAITH**  
That routine was perfectly--

**WESLEY**  
Illegal.

**FAITH**  
He didn't _lift_ me! I can do all that on my own!

**WESLEY**  
Nevertheless, he _supported_ you. And regardless, both your feet left the floor for an extended period of time. Thus, it counts as a lift.

**LORNE**  
Okay, okay, how about you, Dru?

**DRUSILLA**  
Naughty, naughty Spike. Follow the rules. Shame, shame, throwing the bad Slayer around. CROWD boos. DRUSILLA shoots them a glare, and they quiet immediately. She looks at SPIKE and smiles. But I liked it. Cautious applause from some of the CROWD. I remember when you used to _be_ a bad dog. Sultry smile

**LORNE**  
Okay, and Oz?

**OZ**  
Dude, you gotta read the rules, man. CROWD moans.

SPIKE and FAITH turn to go backstage, fuming.

**LORNE**  
Their acrobatics were a joy to watch, but will they take all the joy out of the judges' scores? We'll find out, when _Dancing With The Demons_ continues!

Short, four-bar theme music plays to the break.


	7. Episode 2, Pt 2

Title: Dancing With the Demons, Ep. 2 (Part 2)  
Author: **redsrule1**  
Fandoms: Buffy, Angel, Dancing With the Stars  
Rating: PG  
Disclaimer: I did not make up the characters, shows, the Rumba, or the Quickstep. I just teach how to do them.  
Pairings: Gen  
Characters: Just about everyone  
Author's Notes: Thanks to my super-beta, **yourlibrarian**.  
Summary: Nine couples, ONE winner, and you decide who will be the champion!

(Short, four-bar version of the show's theme music plays as we return from the break).

**LORNE**  
Welcome back, to "_Dancing With The Demons_," the show where _you_ will pick the winners! We've already seen three couples dance and now we're ready to hear the scores for Spike and Faith's Quickstep.

**ANNOUNCER**  
The judges have their scores. Drusilla?

**DRUSILLA**  
Seven. (Some applause from the CROWD.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Wesley Wyndam-Price?

**WESLEY**  
Five. (CROWD boos.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Daniel Osbourne?

**OZ**  
Six. (CROWD groans.

(Cut to backstage, where ILLYRIA stands with SPIKE and FAITH. GUNN and CORDELIA sit on the couch in the background.

**ILLYRIA**  
You have received a score of eighteen and are in last place. It is just punishment for your transgressions. Have you anything to say in your defense?

**SPIKE**  
Hey, that was a perfectly good routine. Percy's just got a burr up his arse.

**ILLYRIA**  
Ah, yes, "Percy." Your term of endearment for Wesley.

**SPIKE**  
S'not meant as an endearment.

**ILLYRIA**  
Of course it is. To show affection for one human by another, it is customary to refer to that person by a special name assigned by the speaker. You once called me "Blue."

**SPIKE**  
That's 'cause you are.

**ILLYRIA**  
The contents of the judge's digestive tract have no bearing on the worthiness of your routine. The fact remains that you have violated the rules.

**FAITH**  
Those rules are a grey area. Wesley's just being a tight ass-- big surprise there!

**ILLYRIA**  
(Cocks her head. Wesley the Judge has--

**FAITH**  
Look, maybe the swinging was a bit much, rule-wise, but there's no way those were lifts. I'm a (BEEP)ing Slayer. I could have done all that on my own.

**ILLYRIA**  
The voices are troubled by your profanity. They also inform me that it is urgent that I allow the Host to speak. Perhaps he has an update on the judge's medical condition.

(Cut to LORNE.

**LORNE**  
(Forces a smile at the camera, not entirely sure what to say). Okay. Well. Last week, our next couple was in the bottom half on the leader board. Can they redeem themselves with their Rumba? It's Gunn and Cordy!

(Cut to montage.  
-----------------------------------------

**ANNOUNCER**  
Last week, learning the Cha Cha proved to be a challenge!  
------------------------------------------

(Episode Clip  
(GUNN and CORDELIA stand with LORNE at the Judges' Table.

**WESLEY**  
Gunn was obviously having some difficulty remembering the routine, forcing Cordelia to pull him through several of the moves.  
------------------------------------------

**ANNOUNCER**  
Will the Rumba prove just as daunting?  
------------------------------------------

**CORDELIA**  
(Interview  
I'm happy that we get a chance to do another Latin dance this week, so that we can prove we can do it.  
-------------------------------------------

(Rehearsal Clip  
(GUNN is standing in front of the studio's mirrored wall, practicing his hip motion. CORDELIA stands behind him, watching.

**CORDELIA**  
I can't believe those bastards gave us another Latin dance to do! That's two in a row, and we couldn't do it the first time!  
-------------------------------------------

**GUNN**  
(Interview  
Apparently, our finish last week wasn't quite good enough.  
------------------------------------------

(Rehearsal Clip  
(GUNN and CORDELIA in a dance studio.

**GUNN**  
_More_ hip practice?

**CORDELIA**  
We gotta get those hips moving. So we're gonna stand here and work on shakin' your booty 'til it falls off.

**GUNN**  
It's already shakin' as much as it can! When are we gonna get to do something really tight like that ballet we saw?  
-------------------------------------------

**CORDELIA**  
(Interview  
I'm glad Harmony didn't get eliminated. And Buffy! Wow, look at how well she did. Of course I want to win, but it's not about beating the other couples, it's about doing the best I can do.  
-------------------------------------------

(Rehearsal clip.  
(GUNN and CORDELIA stand in a dance studio.

**CORDELIA**  
We got beaten by Buffy Summers, Miss "I-Think-Accessorizing-Means-Stakes-And-Holy-Water" and who thinks garlic is an appropriate breath mint. We got beaten by Miss "Softer-Side-Of-Witchcraft" herself, we barely beat Harmony "I'm-Still-Trying-to-Be-Cordelia" Kendall and Rupert "I Bleed Tweed" Giles, and we couldn't manage any better than a tie with Xander Harris who shall remain nameless!

**GUNN**  
Um, you just named him.

**CORDELIA**  
What?

**GUNN**  
You said he shall remain nameless, but you named him.

**CORDELIA**  
Shut up! I'm ranting. And wipe that smirk off your face, mister!

**GUNN**  
That's cold. I thought these people were your friends.

**CORDELIA**  
They are. But they're on _my_ turf now. There's no "friend" in "team."

**GUNN**  
Okay, you know you stopped makin' sense now, right?

**CORDELIA**  
None of it makes any sense! We were tied near the bottom with Xander Harris. _Xander Harris_! Thank God we beat Harmony or I'd have to throw myself on my spiked heel! Now stop wasting time ranting about other people and get busy working on those hips!  
------------------------------------------

**CORDELIA**  
(Interview  
It's not that I think I'm better than those other people. It's just that I should be better _at_ this than them.  
------------------------------------------

(Rehearsal Clip  
(GUNN and CORDELIA dancing. CORDELIA does a spin and falls backward in a drop. GUNN catches her, but awkwardly, and she lands on her butt with a bump.

**GUNN**  
I'm sorry, you all right, Cordy?

**CORDELIA**  
Yeah, I'm okay. You know--

**GUNN**  
Yeah, Xander Harris woulda' caught you.

**CORDELIA**  
(Considers this for a moment). Nah, he probably wouldn't've.

**GUNN**  
That's good, 'cuz I wasn't gonna catch you at all next time if you said his name again.  
-----------------------------------------

**GUNN**  
(Interview  
There's definitely some competitive issues there. I got nothin' against Xander, but I'm gonna have to take him out back and kick his ass just so I can stop hearing about him.  
-----------------------------------------

**CORDELIA**  
(Interview  
This is my chance to prove I've _still_ got it. That "Queen C" wasn't just-- a pretender.  
------------------------------------------

(Montage ends.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Dancing the Rumba, Charles Gunn and Cordelia Chase!

(GUNN stands behind CORDELIA in the middle of the dance floor. She wears a sleek white dress with a high slit on the right leg, and the midriff cut out so that it has the effect of a two-piece. He is dressed in a long sleeved black satin Latin shirt with matching pants. He looks down at her as she leans back into him, his hands covering hers which are folded across her chest in a pseudo-embrace.

("Time After Time" by Cyndi Lauper plays.

(GUNN takes a step backward and extends his arms, causing CORDELIA to tilt backward. He leans her to the left and steps over her with his right foot, so that she is now facing the floor, her legs extended between his. Without stopping, GUNN steps over her with his left leg, so that CORDELIA swings around and completes the circle, to end standing in the same position they started. She spins to face him and they break into Rumba moves. The CROWD squeals and applauds.

(GUNN leads CORDELIA into a turn, and she dances all the way around him. As she completes the circle he reaches out and catches her right hand in his. Using that hand to push off, they both do a spin and stop by catching their left hands. They spin the opposite direction and stop sharply, this time catching each other's cheek in a caress, pulling their faces close. The CROWD cheers, and they break into more Rumba.

(As the music nears the end, CORDELIA spins away from GUNN toward the far end of the floor. She stops with her back to him, spreads her arms wide, and keeping her legs and body straight, falls backward. The CROWD gasps. GUNN runs up behind her and catches her. In the same movement, he lowers her to the floor and slides her away, while continuing to the floor himself. As the music ends, they lay fully extended in a line on the floor, the fingertips of one outstretched arm each just touching. The CROWD cheers.

(GUNN gets up from the floor and helps CORDELIA up. They walk over to LORNE in front of the Judges' Table.

**LORNE**  
Sweet little number, you two. Let's see what the judges thought. Drusilla?

**DRUSILLA**  
Ophelia sings a pretty song and now Hamlet listens. And Hamlet studied his lessons better this time, didn't he?

**GUNN**  
Yes, ma'am. The last thing I want is Ophelia here mad at me.

**CORDELIA**  
That's 'cause he knows he'll end up like the real Hamlet if he's not careful.

**GUNN**  
Hamlet wasn't real, was he?

**CORDELIA**  
(Shakes her head as she keeps a wide smile on her face

**LORNE**  
Wesley, how about you?

**WESLEY**  
The Rumba is another Latin dance and as such, the hip movement is essential. And I'm afraid it stil isn't quite up to snuff so I can't really say this was well done. (CROWD boos). After last week I had my doubts as to your ability to last very long in this competition. (CROWD boos louder.

**GUNN**  
Well who died and made _you_ the dance boss, Wes?

**WESLEY**  
_I_ did, actually. But if you'll allow me to finish, the routine was much better tonight and, apart from the hips, you performed it much better. Your hard work is evident and tonight you've shown me that you could last if you keep it up. (CROWD applauds.

**LORNE**  
You kinda redeemed yourself there, Wes. And as for you, Oz?

**OZ**  
I was gonna pretty much say what he said.

**LORNE**  
(Waving GUNN and CORDELIA off camera. Okay, you go on backstage and we'll see what Illyria has to say.

(Cut backstage where ILLYRIA stands with GUNN and CORDELIA. HARMONY and GILES sit on the couch in the background.

**ILLYRIA**  
You have begun to redeem yourself after your shameful performance last week, Charles Gunn.

**GUNN**  
Uh, thanks?

**ILLYRIA**  
Your teacher has obviously taken better control of you, as it should be. Let us now see the results.

(Cut to Judges' Table.

**ANNOUNCER**  
The judges are ready with their scores. Drusilla?

**DRUSILLA**  
Eight. (CROWD cheers.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Wesley Wyndam-Price?

**WESLEY**  
Seven. (CROWD applauds.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Daniel Osbourne?

**OZ**  
Eight. (CROWD cheers.

(Cut backstage.

**ILLYRIA**  
You have received a score of twenty-three. That is a respectable showing and puts you in first place for the moment. Now, what do you know of Judge Wesley's condition?

**CORDELIA**  
What, you mean the rod he's got up his butt?

**ILLYRIA**  
Rod. I was told it was a burr.

**CORDELIA**  
Burr, rod, same thing.

**ILLYRIA**  
(Looks doubtful

**GUNN**  
(To CORDELIA) Uh, ix-nay on insulting the udge-jay. Especially on television.

**ILLYRIA**  
You use words that are strange to me. What do they mean?

**GUNN**  
Never mind. (Looks into camera). Back to you, Lorne!

(Cut to LORNE.

**LORNE**  
It's been so long since I've heard a proper "toss," that sounded strange! Anyway, our next couple was in the bottom two last week. Can they place better this week? It's Harmony and Giles!

(Cut to montage.  
------------------------------------------

**ANNOUNCER**  
Last week, Harmony and Giles' Waltz brought mixed reviews from the judges.  
-------------------------------------------

(Episode clip.  
(HARMONY and GILES stand with LORNE in front of the Judges' Table.

**DRUSILLA**  
From the waist up I was watching birds soaring gracefully. But underneath it was stamp stamp stamp! I don't like stamp. Don't do it.  
------------------------------------------

**ANNOUNCER**  
Will their Quickstep lift them out of the bottom two this week?  
------------------------------------------

(Rehearsal clip.  
(HARMONY and GILES in a dance studio. HARMONY is bouncing excitedly.

**HARMONY**  
(Vibrantly We didn't get eliminated! We made it to the second round! Aren't you excited?

**GILES**  
(Painfully profesional smile I'm ecstatic.  
------------------------------------------

**HARMONY**  
(Interview  
Gilesie says that since we almost got eliminated last week, we really have to work hard and stay focused this week. I can do that. I can stay focused. I can work hard.  
-------------------------------------------

(Rehearsal clip.  
(GILES is showing HARMONY a graceful Quickstep move.

**GILES**  
Right, then. Got it?

**HARMONY**  
You didn't hop.

**GILES**  
What?

**HARMONY**  
We get to hop in Quickstep, right? I wanna hop.  
------------------------------------------

**GILES**  
(Interview  
We were fortunate to be given the Quickstep to do this week. It can be a bouncy dance, which is good because Harmony can be a bouncy person.  
------------------------------------------

(Rehearsal clip  
(HARMONY and GILES practicing. They stop.

**HARMONY**  
Was that right? Did I get that right? I did that right, right?

**GILES**  
That was quite good, actually.

(HARMONY claps her hands excitedly, and squeals loudly. GILES cringes.

**GILES**  
Was that a frequency acquired when you became a vampire or did you always possess it?  
------------------------------------------

**HARMONY**  
(Interview  
I like the Quickstep better than the Waltz. It's a lot more fun. We get to jump and hop and skip all over the floor.  
-------------------------------  
(Rehearsal clip  
(GILES showing HARMONY a Quickstep move.

**HARMONY**  
Do you hop in this one?

**GILES**  
Not this move. This is a gliding movement.

**HARMONY**  
(Disappointed)Oh.  
------------------------------------------

**GILES**  
(Interview  
One of the hardest things for her is simply keeping her mind on the business at hand. Her work ethic is a bit lacking, and she's going to have to work very hard to survive in this competition.  
------------------------------------------

(Rehearsal clip.  
(HARMONY is sitting on a chair in the kitchenette, talking on her cell phone. GILES enters.

**GILES**  
What are you doing? We've got to practice that step!

**HARMONY**  
(Exasperated sigh). Again?

(GILES grabs her phone and closes it, then takes her hand to pull her back out to the dance floor.

**GILES**  
Yes, again.

**HARMONY**  
(Whines). Working hard is hard work.  
-------------------------------------------

**GILES**  
(Interview  
I've tried to impress upon her that while ballroom dancing is fun, it also requires hard work and a certain amount of decorum.  
-------------------------------------------

(Teachers' Camp clip.  
(GILES stands in the middle of the dance floor doing the "Chicken Dance."  
------------------------------------------

**GILES**  
(Interview  
Actually, I have to give Harmony credit for coming up with the idea for our routine.  
-------------------------------------------

(Rehearsal clip  
(GILES showing HARMONY a Quickstep move.

**HARMONY**  
(Somewhat bored) Can I hop now?

**GILES**  
We have plenty of hopping in the routine. We don't need any more.

**HARMONY**  
Yes we do.

**GILES**  
And why is that?

**HARMONY**  
'Cause I'm cold.

**GILES**  
Well, look at what you're wearing: a flimsy camisole and shorts. It's no wonder. Put something on.

**HARMONY**  
That doesn't help.

**GILES**  
Why on Earth--

**HARMONY**  
Duh, I'm a _vampire_? I have no body heat for the extra clothes to keep in, so I might as well look cute.

**GILES**  
Touché. For once fashion over function makes sense. --Of course! It makes a lot of sense!

**HARMONY**  
(Scoffs). When does it not?  
-------------------------------------------

**HARMONY**  
(Interview  
He says he wants to do a routine about fashion, but he wouldn't know fashion if it came up and bit him on the broad side of a barn.  
------------------------------------------

(Rehearsal clip.  
(HARMONY sits in the kitchenette, painting her toenails. GILES enters.

**GILES**  
Where have you been? I've been waiting out there for twenty minutes!"

**HARMONY**  
(Gives him a look that says the answer is painfully obvious). Um, painting my toenails? Duh.

**GILES**  
In the middle of our practice? The makeup people at the show are going to do that anyway!

**HARMONY**  
(Scoffs). We're trying to be fashionable, right? I can't have them thinking I'm some loser who doesn't know to paint her nails.

**GILES**  
(Looks directly at the camera). Honestly, I don't know why I keep bothering.  
------------------------------------------

**GILES**  
(Interview  
(Smiles proudly). Really? She called me "Gilesie?"  
------------------------------------------

(Montage ends.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Dancing the Quickstep, Harmony Kendall and Rupert Giles!

(HARMONY and GILES stand on oppposite sides of the stage. She wears a red Marilyn Monroe style dress, and has her hair done up to match. She wears red gloves, a pearl necklace, earrings, and a big ring on her finger. She holds a red feather boa. GILES is dressed in top hat, white tie, and tails.

("Puttin' On The Ritz" plays.

(HARMONY and GILES step to the center of the stage, where he offers her his right elbow. She takes it and they descend the stairs together. GILES takes one end of the boa as HARMONY rolls away from him, holding the other end. She struts in a circle around him, drawing closer as the boa wraps around him. She runs out of boa just as she returns to face him, and without missing a beat they take a dance hold and begin doing some Quickstep moves.

(Cut to backstage, where CLEM and BUFFY sit on the couch.

**BUFFY**  
(Chuckles.) More like "Puttin' On The Ditz."

**CLEM**  
(Surprised) Buffy! That wasn't nice.

**BUFFY**  
No, but it was funny.

**CLEM**  
(Smiles). Yes. Yes it was.

(Cut to ballroom.

(HARMONY and GILES dance to a stop and begin an intricate series of quick hops and kicks, then move smoothly into more traveling moves.

(As the music nears its climax, they perform a skipping and kicking promenade run right toward the Judges' Table. They stop a few feet away from it and perform a final series of hops and kicks before breaking their dance hold. GILES takes his top hat in hand and HARMONY takes her boa and they do a "Shuffle Off To Buffalo" up to the Judges. As the music hits its final chord, GILES places his top hat on DRUSILLA's head and HARMONY drapes her boa around WESLEY's neck. The CROWD cheers.

**LORNE**  
(Laughing) What an ending! And what a Quickstep! I'm dying to hear what Wesley has to say to this!

**WESLEY**  
(Blowing some of the boa's feathers away from his mouth) That was quite a routine. (CROWD cheers). Your footwork was impeccable, unlike last week, and you kept the smooth parts flowing. Well done! (CROWD cheers. WESLEY smiles, proud of himself.

**LORNE**  
Oz, how about you?

**OZ**  
I didn't get any gifts.

(The CROWD "aww"s. HARMONY takes off her big pearl necklace and drapes it around OZ's neck. The CROWD laughs.

**OZ**  
Okay, now I'm satisfied.

**LORNE**  
Anything to say about the routine?

**OZ**  
No, it was great. The only thing I'd say is your steps were better than last week, but they could still be bigger in the smooth dances.

**LORNE**  
Be still my heart! I won't be able to sit down the rest of the night it's pumping so hard. You actually inspired Oz to say more than one sentence!

**GILES**  
Then we have truly succeeded.

**LORNE**  
You're not kidding. Dru, how about you?

**DRUSILLA**  
The hat is on my head and you can't pull a rabbit out. Lucky rabbit's foot pulls you out of the bottom two but you won't finish first this week.

**LORNE**  
(LORNE motions HARMONY and GILES backstage.)  
Dru, honey, we talked about this already.

**DRUSILLA**  
Ooh, someone's getting cross. (Makes a zipping motion across her lips.) Mmph mmph mmph mmmph.

**LORNE**  
What?

**DRUSILLA**  
("Unzipping" her lips) Zipped too soon. I said I'll try to make the birds stop singing to me.

**LORNE**  
You do that. But meanwhile, let's see if anyone's singing in Illyria's ear.

(Cut to backstage. HARMONY and GILES stand with ILLYRIA, and CLEM and BUFFY sit in the background.

**ILLYRIA**  
They don't sing. They only speak. I have chosen to ignore them.

**HARMONY**  
Oh, does that mean we don't have to talk to you? (To GILES) Does that mean we don't have to talk to her? 'Cause she kinda wigs me out.

**ILLYRIA**  
Your ability to speak to me is an honor you do not deserve. During my reign anyone daring to do so without leave would be -- (Cups ear with her hand). They grow more adamant, but this time I am interested in their words. The judges are ready.

(Cut to Judges' Table.

**ANNOUNCER**  
The judges have their scores. Drusilla?

**DRUSILLA**  
Nine. (CROWD cheers.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Wesley Wyndam-Price?

**WESLEY**  
Nine. (CROWD cheers wildly.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Daniel Osbourne?

**OZ**  
Eight. (CROWD cheers.

(Cut to backstage. HARMONY jumps up and down with delight, throwing her arms around GILES. He manages to cringe and look pleased at the same time. ILLYRIA looks at her sharply.

**ILLYRIA**  
The judges have given you a score of twenty-six, which puts you into the lead.

(HARMONY squeals and hops excitedly.

**ILLYRIA**  
Do not make that noise again.

**BUFFY**  
(To CLEM) It's cuter when you do it.

(HARMONY nearly squeals again but just manages to contain it.

**ILLYRIA**  
Leave now. I am glad that the seer tells us you will not stay in first place. I prefer to listen to the voices, which are requesting that we return to the Host.

(Cut to LORNE

**LORNE**  
Our next couple made a big splash with their Cha Cha last week, but will the Quickstep leave them high and dry? It's Clem and Buffy!

(Cut to montage.  
-------------------------------------------

**ANNOUNCER**  
Last week, Clem and Buffy surprised everyone with their Cha Cha!  
------------------------------------------

(Episode clip  
(CLEM and BUFFY stand with LORNE at the Judges' Table.

**WESLEY**  
That was the best dance I've seen tonight!  
------------------------------------------

**ANNOUNCER**  
And even the God-King approved!  
------------------------------------------

(Episode clip.  
(ILLYRIA stands backstage with CLEM and BUFFY. CLEM is bouncing excitedly, and there is a brief, almost imperceptible upturn in one corner of ILLYRIA's mouth.

**ILLYRIA**  
I am not displeased.  
------------------------------------------

**BUFFY**  
(Interview  
We were definitely excited about how we did last week.  
-------------------------------------------

(Reheasral clip.  
(CLEM and BUFFY face each other in the dance studio, holding hands and jumping up and down.  
------------------------------------------

**BUFFY**  
(Interview  
But it was just the first week and it really doesn't mean much. It's not like I'm gonna rub anybody's nose in it… that I beat, say, Cordelia and Harmony. And Darla-- vamp tramp.  
-------------------------------------------

**CLEM**  
(Interview  
I-- I can't believe we did so well! It was so much fun. I hope everybody else had as much fun as we did. I think Spike'll probably win this week-- he and Faith are real good together. And Willow and Sebassis were so much fun! As long as we're not eliminated, I mean, it's not like we're gonna go around gloating 'cause we got a first place. Especially not Buffy. She's all business. I worry about her sometimes, taking things too seriously.  
------------------------------------------

(Rehearsal clip.  
(BUFFY is alone in the dance studio. "Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye" by Bananarama plays on the stereo. BUFFY does a twisty, gloaty dance.

**BUFFY**  
(Singing) Na na, na-na na na, Guh-lor-ry, goodbye!  
------------------------------------------

**BUFFY**  
(Interview  
But then it was celebration's over and it was time to work. But we had a little trouble focusing.  
------------------------------------------

(BUFFY showing CLEM a dance move.

**BUFFY**  
Okay, now, Clem, when you do this step, you have to remember to stay on the balls of your feet.

**CLEM**  
Okay. We won last week!

**BUFFY**  
(Smiling) Yes, we did. Now make sure you keep your head up when--

**CLEM**  
Did Dawn see the show? Did you tell her about it?

**BUFFY**  
Yes, she saw it. I called her afterwards. Now keep your head--

**CLEM**  
So how is Dawn, anyway?

**BUFFY**  
Um, she's fine, Clem. Now this step is--

**CLEM**  
She doing okay in school? Is she still in school? She's not old enough for college yet, is she?

**BUFFY**  
(Annoyed)Clem, will you please just pay attention?!?

**CLEM**  
Oh, yeah, sure.

**BUFFY**  
Good. Now, make sure you--

**CLEM**  
Tell her I said "hi" next time you talk to her, okay?  
--------------------------------------------

**CLEM**  
(Interview  
Buffy says I need to focus more and maybe she's right. I'm sure she wouldn't say that if it wasn't true, she's my teacher after all. She's been really great. Although she doesn't look like she's been eating well, and that's odd. You'd think she'd get lots to eat in Italy. I mean, who goes to Italy and _loses_ weight, right? It makes her skin way too tight. But I guess you're under lots of stress as a Slayer. Used to be that nobody else could answer that question, but now lots of girls can, huh?  
-------------------------------------------

**BUFFY**  
(Interview  
We got some good practicing in. Hopefully it was enough. But I can't blame him. He's so excited and he's so fun, how're you gonna be mad at him?  
-------------------------------------------

(Montage ends.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Dancing the Quickstep, Clem and Buffy Summers!

(BUFFY, dressed in a short-haired black wig and a flapper dress, sits in a chair in the front row of the audience, holding a wine glass. CLEM, dressed in a zoot suit, walks up to her holding a champagne bottle.

("I Get A Kick Out Of You" by Anita O'Day plays.

(CLEM offers BUFFY the bottle, but she shakes her head. She tosses the glass aside and points at him. CLEM points to himself and mouths the question "me?" and BUFFY nods, standing up and dragging him onto the dance floor. She does a little Charleston, then motions for him to try. He does, but very poorly. She shakes her head and rolls her eyes, then physically puts him in dance position, as if about to teach him how. They take a few tentative steps then stop. BUFFY smiles and claps, and CLEM smiles broadly. A couple more steps, and BUFFY claps again. CLEM gets a smug look on his face and raises an eyebrow, tilting his head from side to side in self-congratulation. He takes her in dance position once more. He takes a couple of slow steps, then faster, then breaks into a promenade run full of skips and kicks and on into various Quickstep moves.

(They break apart and BUFFY once again shows CLEM the Charleston. He scratches his head as if unable to figure it out. He shrugs, then puts his hands on his knees and switches them back and forth as he moves his knees in and out. BUFFY shakes her head and takes him into dance hold and more Quickstep.

(As the music nears the end, BUFFY shows CLEM the Charleston once more. CLEM's face brightens and he holds up one finger to mime "ah-ha!" He begins to step and kick like a Charleston, and BUFFY, clapping, walks toward him to congratulate him. CLEM gets carried away, however, kicking higher and higher. BUFFY throws her hands up in an "oh no!" gesture and turns to get out of the way but CLEM plants a kick right on her backside just as the music ends. The CROWD laughs and cheers.

(CLEM escorts BUFFY to LORNE and the Judges' Table.)

**LORNE**  
What a cute routine! And aren't you just cute as a button in that wig! Oz, what did you think?

**OZ**  
I agree. I think you'll have a lot of volunteers to rub where he kicked you. (CROWD laughs.

**LORNE**  
Daniel Osbourne! You dog, you! --No pun intended. And how about the routine?

**OZ**  
A good job.

**LORNE**  
All right. Drusilla?

**DRUSILLA**  
I remember when we used to do the Charleston. Well, _we_ didn't really. We just waited for the flappers to come out of the clubs to have our dinner.

**LORNE**  
And the routine?

**DRUSILLA**  
(Licking her fingers) It made me hungry.

**LORNE**  
Wes, it's up to you to analyze their routine.

**WESLEY**  
This is why I'm the most unpopular judge. I'm the only one who actually critiques the dances.

**OZ**  
I critique sometimes. I'm just smart enough not to critique the ones the audience likes best.

**WESLEY**  
That's your game, is it? I suppose that leaves it to me as head judge to bear the burden. All right, your routine was nicely done. (CROWD applauds). Your dancing ability continues to surprise us, Clem, but be careful that you don't rely too much on gimmicks. You don't need them. (Murmurs from the CROWD). There were a couple of missteps here and there. (CROWD boos. WESLEY ignores them). But nothing major.

**LORNE**  
(To CLEM and BUFFY). All right, you two go have a nice chat with Illyria. (To camera). It sounded like the judges liked what they saw, but will Clem and Buffy like the scores they get? We'll find out, when _Dancing With The Demons_ returns!

(Short, four bar version of theme plays to the break.)


	8. Episode 2, Pt 3

Title: Dancing With the Demons, Ep. 2 (Part 3)  
Author: **redsrule1**  
Fandoms: Buffy, Angel, Dancing With the Stars  
Rating: PG  
Disclaimer: I did not make up the characters, shows, the Rumba, or the Quickstep. I just teach how to do them.  
Pairings: Gen  
Characters: Just about everyone  
Author's Notes: Thanks to my super-beta, **yourlibrarian**.  
Summary: Nine couples, ONE winner, and this week you'll be voting for your favorite couples!

**Dancing With The Demons  
Episode Two, Part Three**

(Short, four-bar version of the show's theme music plays as we return from the break.)

**LORNE**  
We're back with "_Dancing With The Demons_!" Just before the break , Clem and Buffy wowed the audience with their Quickstep! Let's see if they wowed the judges as well.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Ladies and gentlemen, the judges' scores: Drusilla?

**DRUSILLA**  
Nine. (CROWD cheers.)

**ANNOUNCER**  
Wesley Wyndam-Price?

**WESLEY**  
Nine. (CROWD cheers.)

**ANNOUNCER**  
Daniel Osbourne?

**OZ**  
Nine. (CROWD cheers wildly.)

(Cut to backstage, where ILLYRIA stands with CLEM and BUFFY. LILAH and ANGEL sit on the couch in the background. CLEM jumps excitedly and throws his arms around BUFFY.)

**CLEM**  
Twenty-seven! We did it again!

(CLEM releases BUFFY and throws his arms around ILLYRIA, pinning her elbows to her sides. ILLYRIA's eyes snap open wide and she stiffens.)

**CLEM cont. **  
We're in first place!

(CLEM turns and bounces off-camera. ILLYRIA remains motionless. BUFFY flashes a smile at her, then follows CLEM. ANGEL watches ILLYRIA, amused.)

(Cut to LORNE.)

**LORNE**  
(Barely able to speak for laughing.) Lilah… and Angel… are next!

(Cut to montage.)

**ANNOUNCER**  
Last week, the judges liked their Waltz.  
--------------------------------------------

(Episode clip.)  
(LILAH and ANGEL stand with LORNE at the Judges' Table.)

**WESLEY**  
Your dancing was strong and fluid, and you moved well across the floor.

**DRUSILLA**  
I like it.

**OZ**  
The dancing was smooth.  
--------------------------------------------

**ANNOUNCER**  
But a line was crossed.  
--------------------------------------------

(Episode clip.)  
(LILAH and ANGEL stand backstage with ILLYRIA.)

**ILLYRIA**  
The half-breed appears angered.

(ANGEL does not speak, just glares.)

**ILLYRIA cont.**  
He does not deign to speak with you.  
--------------------------------------------

(Results show clip.)

**LORNE**  
Lilah and Angel!

(Close up of LILAH and ANGEL as the spotlight hits them.)

**LORNE cont. **  
You are moving on to the next round.

(LILAH throws her arms wide to give ANGEL a congratulatory hug, but he ignores her.)  
--------------------------------------------

**ANNOUNCER**  
Can their partnership recover?  
--------------------------------------------

**ANGEL**  
(Interview)  
I should have been suspicious when she seemed so keen on that particular theme for our routine. I'll be more on my guard from now on. She's a formidable opponent and I don't envy the other couples. She'll do whatever it takes to win. I'll just have to make sure that whatever it takes for her to win doesn't happen to be evil.  
--------------------------------------------

(Rehearsal clip.)  
(LILAH and ANGEL sitting at a table at the side of the dance floor.)

**LILAH**  
Okay, I won't do anything like that again. But if you want to win, we have to pull out all the stops.

**ANGEL**  
There are some things that are off limits.

**LILAH**  
No, there's not. Not if you want to win.

**ANGEL**  
We can win without invoking my dead friends.

**LILAH**  
Angel, I _am_ your dead friend. Wesley's your dead friend. This whole competition is full of your dead someones.  
And the only reason Fred herself hasn't been brought back is because Illyria is still alive. Don't you think she would have made a much better co-host than Illyria?

**ANGEL**  
No, you don't understand. It was different with Fred. She was annihilated. Body, soul, everything. Burned up. We tried. There was nothing to bring back.

**LILAH**  
Uh huh. Nothing for _you_ to bring back, maybe. But you also didn't have the power to bring all these others back. The producers of this show have that power. They probably wanted Fred, but Illyria was the best they could do.

**ANGEL**  
It's just a dance competition. It doesn't matter that much.

**LILAH**  
Honey, this is Hollywood. _Everything_ matters that much. (Stands up.) Now are you gonna show me that Quickstep move or not?

**ANGEL**  
(Stands and takes LILAH by the wrist.) Just one more thing. We were never friends.

**LILAH**  
No we weren't. But I _understand_ you, and that's much more dangerous.  
--------------------------------------------

**LILAH**  
(Interview)  
Even with everything that happened, we still finished second. We beat Lindsey. I was a better lawyer, and I'm a better dancer. I know you're watching, Lindsey. Waiting. To see who mentions you. Hmm. I wonder who _Angel_ considers to be _his_ rivals, don't you?  
--------------------------------------------

(Rehearsal clip.)  
(LILAH standing in the middle of the dance studio floor. ANGEL sits at one of the tables off to the side.)

**LILAH**  
Are you coming or not? If we're gonna catch Buffy and Clem, we've got work to do.

**ANGEL**  
Aren't you gonna use the fact that Spike tied us to motivate me? That's what _he_ was carping about backstage.

**LILAH**  
Only if having him tie you _up_ will motivate you. Give me _some_ credit. You'd see right through a lame ploy like that.  
--------------------------------------------

**ANGEL**  
(Interview)  
Rivals? I hadn't thought about it that way. I suppose it'd be fun to beat Buffy, just to show her I can dance. And maybe Darla. (Looks off camera, listening to someone.) Spike? No, Spike's not my rival. You have to be on the same level as someone to be a rival. After last week, I think my biggest rival is Lilah.  
--------------------------------------------

(Rehearsal clip.)  
(ANGEL sits alone in the kitchenette, which has a television and DVR. He watches SPIKE and FAITH's routine from week one.)

**ANGEL**  
(Muttering.) No way that routine's as good as ours.  
--------------------------------------------

**LILAH**  
(Interview)  
I think we have an understanding. I let him have his way and take care of the ideas this week, but we'll do all right.  
--------------------------------------------

(Montage ends.)

**ANNOUNCER**  
Dancing the Quickstep, Lilah Morgan and Angel!

(LILAH stands on one edge of the stage wearing a long, grey dress with a hobble skirt. On her head is a large bonnet with lots of lace and flowers. She looks like a woman from the early 1900's.)

("Anything Goes" by Cole Porter plays.)

(LILAH steps daintily to the center of the stage, impeded by her skirt. Once in the center, she lifts the skirt ever so slightly to reveal just part of an ankle. ANGEL, dressed in a tuxedo, runs onto the dance floor from the audience and leers at her, giving a wolf whistle. As the prelude to the song ends and the faster beat kicks in, LILAH rips the dress off to reveal a sleek red dress with a high slit on the right side, much like a torch singer would wear. ANGEL feigns shock and staggers backward as LILAH descends the steps, tossing her bonnet aside. They take dance position and go into some standard Quickstep moves.)

(Cut to backstage, where XANDER and ANYA sit on the couch.)

**ANYA**  
I'm glad she didn't try to dance in that hobble skirt. I hated those things. You could hardly even walk in them, unless you had one with the secret pleat or slit. I broke my nose once trying to walk in one. I took vengeance on a couple of men just for making their wives wear them. Thank goodness that fad didn't last long.

**XANDER**  
Things are never dull around you, are they?

(ANYA smiles cheerfully)

(Cut to dance floor.)

(LILAH and ANGEL do a promenade run with lots of kicks and skips. They come to a stop and with their weight on one leg and the other leg pointed out to the side. With quick little hops, they switch supporting and pointed legs several times, then flow into some smoother Quickstep moves.)

(As the music comes to the end, ANGEL rolls LILAH out to one side, then rolls her back in again, catching her with her left side to him. She puts her left arm around his shoulders and lifts her right leg, which ANGEL catches in his hand and they pose there as the music hits its final chord. The CROWD cheers.)

(LILAH and ANGEL break the pose and walk over to LORNE at the Judges' Table.)

**LORNE**  
Well, I didn't see anything offensive in that. Not even the ankle! But then, I didn't catch it last week either-- and I probably should have. Wesley, I'm almost afraid to ask, but what did you think of that routine?

**WESLEY**  
It was perfectly acceptable. (CROWD applauds.) You both have long legs which allow you to move well over the floor. Unfortunately, while it was an adequate routine, it was rather lackluster. (CROWD boos.)

(LILAH looks pointedly at ANGEL.)

**LORNE**  
Oz, what say you?

**OZ**  
I agree with Wes. The dancing was good but it was uninspired. Whatever the issue was, last week had an edge that this week didn't.

(LILAH gives ANGEL another look.)

**LORNE**  
And Drusilla?

**DRUSILLA**  
I didn't like it as well as last week. (The CROWD boos. DRUSILLA glares at them and they fall silent. LILAH cringes and takes a deep breath.) It was still nice, but Daddy didn't sing to me tonight. How ever will I sleep now? --OH!

(Lilah jumps at DRUSILLA's exclamation in spite of herself, startled. ANGEL looks at her, puzzled, then nods in realization.)

**DRUSILLA cont.**  
Oh, wait. I'll have a nice bedtime story after all. The next couple will have a lovely fall. He'll drop her. (Licks her lips.) There will be blood.

**LORNE**  
Dru! You can't give away what's going to happen!

**DRUSILLA**  
(Whines.) Now I'm hungry again.

**LORNE**  
(Motions for LILAH and ANGEL to go backstage.) I'm going to have a nice bedtime story myself. It's all about _a new judge next week_! (Glares at DRUSILLA.)

(Cut to backstage, where LILAH and ANGEL stand with ILLYRIA. XANDER and ANYA sit on the couch behind, talking animatedly. ANGEL eyes ILLYRIA suspiciously, not taking his eyes off of her. LILAH notices this and smiles to herself.)

**ILLYRIA**  
You have apparently not offended Mr. Percy this week.

(ANGEL raises an eyebrow at ILLYRIA. LILAH scowls at her.)

**ILLYRIA cont.**  
But you have, apparently, bored him. Why do you wish to inflict inferior dance routines upon us? Is it a nefarious plan?

**LILAH**  
(Jerking a thumb at ANGEL) _He's_ the brains, Sweetheart.

**ILLYRIA**  
You bestow a term of endearment upon me, yet we are barely acquainted. Do you harbor feelings for me, or do you use it as a term of worship?

**LILAH**  
Wor-- no, I was quoting--

**ILLYRIA**  
I accept your words of offering. The judges now have offerings of their own.

(Cut to Judges' Table.)

**ANNOUNCER**  
The judges have their scores. Drusilla?

**DRUSILLA**  
Eight. (CROWD cheers.)

**ANNOUNCER**  
Wesley Wyndam-Price?

**WESLEY**  
Eight. (CROWD cheers.)

**ANNOUNCER**  
Daniel Osbourne?

**OZ**  
Eight. (CROWD cheers.)

(Cut to backstage.)

**ILLYRIA**  
The judges have given you twenty-four, which puts you in--

**XANDER**  
I was _not_ going to drop you!

**ANYA**  
She said you were gonna drop me! And she has the sight, so she knows. You were gonna drop me!

**XANDER**  
Um, not on purpose?

**ILLYRIA**  
(Looks back at XANDER and ANYA, then speaks to LILAH and ANGEL.) You may leave now. They sound more interesting. (Cups hand to her ear as she walks toward the couch.) No. _They sound more interesting._ (Pulls the earpiece out of her ear and crushes it in one hand, then speaks to the broken device.) And I am no longer interested in anything _you_ have to say.

**ANYA**  
I can't believe you were gonna--

**XANDER**  
Wait a minute, we took the lift _out_ of our routine when we saw the judges chew out Spike and Lindsey. So how could I drop you?

**ANYA**  
Yes. That's true. How _could_ you drop me?

**ILLYRIA**  
There are many ways. You will be dancing. You could easily stumble.

**ANYA**  
That's true. I could stumble-- you probably trip me-- and you don't catch me and I fall.

**XANDER**  
I am not going to drop you!

(Cut to LORNE.)

(LORNE is standing with head down, his hand on his forehead. He then realizes the camera is on him and gives it a big smile.)

**LORNE**  
Our next couple started everything off last week with a Waltz. This week they'll finish things up with a Rumba. It's Xander and Anya!

(Cut to montage.)  
--------------------------------------------

**ANNOUNCER**  
Last week it appeared that Xander and Anya had some work to do.  
--------------------------------------------

(Episode clip.)  
(XANDER and ANYA stand with LORNE at the Judges' Table.)

**WESLEY**  
Xander's movements, although adequate, were somewhat stiff. And Anya actually appeared to be doing most of the work.  
-------------------------------------------

**ANNOUNCER**  
Will the Rumba be kinder to them than the Waltz?  
--------------------------------------------

**XANDER**  
(Interview)  
We've been working really hard this week. Illyria advised her to take control. Heh. You don't tell Ahn to take control.  
--------------------------------------------

(Rehearsal clip.)  
(XANDER and ANYA talking in a dance studio. ANYA holds a clipboard, and is looking at a piece of paper on it.)

**ANYA**  
Lunch will be from 12:15 to 12:45, then we will practice straight through until dinner, at 5:00. If you have any questions about the routine, you may ask them at the post-dinner wrap-up session at 6:30. Any questions?

**XANDER**  
Yeah, but I have to wait until 6:30 to ask them.

**ANYA**  
(Smiling.) Now _that's_ the spirit I like to see!  
--------------------------------------------

**ANYA**  
(Interview)  
We definitely lacked some discipline in our training last week, so I've produced this schedule to help us stay on track. And I must say, he's done rather well at sticking to it! He only complained once.  
--------------------------------------------

(Rehearsal clip.)  
(XANDER and ANYA dancing. XANDER stops.)

**ANYA**  
Why are you stopping?

**XANDER**  
I know it's not 6:30, but is there any room in that schedule of yours for a bathroom break?

**ANYA**  
Yes, there is. (Pulls a piece of paper out of her pocket and proudly shows it to him.) You see, right here at 9:45. During the time slot marked "Other."

**XANDER**  
Oh. But it's almost 11 now.

**ANYA**  
Yes. So?

**XANDER**  
So I have to go!  
--------------------------------------------

**XANDER**  
(Interview)  
I kind of feel like I owe her, so it's okay. It's just that… I know she's the teacher and all, and I'm sure teachers have to guide their students through the routines a lot, but this seems a little extreme.  
--------------------------------------------

(Rehearsal clip.)  
(ANYA dragging XANDER forcibly through some Rumba moves. XANDER stops.)

**XANDER**  
Ow! You about gave me whiplash on that last move.

**ANYA**  
I'm just ensuring that you do the move properly.

**XANDER**  
I think I can raise my own arm at the right time.

**ANYA**  
You heard the God-King last week. She said I needed to take control of you.

**XANDER**  
(Muttering) You can't take what I never had.

**ANYA**  
What?

**XANDER**  
I said, "But the judges said that you were doing too much of the work."

**ANYA**  
That's right. They did. All right, you lead the first half of the routine, and I'll lead the second half.  
--------------------------------------------

**XANDER**  
(Interview)  
Well, at least we're making progress.  
--------------------------------------------

(Montage ends.)

**ANNOUNCER**  
Dancing the Rumba, Xander Harris and Anyanka!

(XANDER stands in the middle of the dance floor wearing a billowy black latin shirt and pants. ANYA stands on the stage with her back to the audience. She wears a short, white dress with lots of lace, and although it is cut like a Latin dress, it is reminiscent of a wedding dress. She holds a bouquet of flowers.)

("Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps" by Doris Day plays.)

(ANYA tosses the bouquet over her head and XANDER reaches to catch it, but it sails well wide of him. He looks momentarily confused, as if he was supposed to catch it.)

(ANYA descends the stairs as XANDER regroups and finds his place in the routine. He drops to one knee, facing her, hands clasped in front of him as if proposing. As she dances toward him, however, he suddenly turns his back on her by deftly switching the knee he is resting on. ANYA throws her hands out in mock exasperation, and dances around in front of him, but he does the knee turn again to turn his back to her. ANYA smiles and mimes an "a-ha" with one finger in the air, then reaches down to her calf and slides both hands suggestively up her leg, raising her skirt a bit as she does so. XANDER smiles lustily and looks back at her over his shoulder. ANYA points a finger at him and does a slow, grandiose "come hither" gesture, and XANDER turns to face her and stands in time with it. They take dance position and begin dancing some Rumba moves.)

(In a reversal of the norm, ANYA rolls XANDER out to her right side. He looks back at her, then away from her, then back and away again. ANYA snaps him sharply back to her and they resume dancing.)

(As the song nears the end, XANDER leads ANYA into a series of spins. He releases her and she spins away from him, as he does a series of turns in the opposite direction, stopping just shy of the end of the floor next to the Judges' Table. He drops to one knee, facing ANYA on the other side of the floor. ANYA stops turning, facing him. As the final chord of the song strikes, she turns her back to him and he drops to the floor, eyes closed with a hand over his heart.)

(The CROWD cheers. ANYA smiles and bounces once, pleased with the routine, then she turns and trots toward the Judges Table. XANDER waits a moment, then rolls over to look at the judges before starting to get up. He swings his legs out to a sitting position just as ANYA comes up behind him and she trips over his leg. She falls, banging her nose into the Judges' Table right in front of DRUSILLA.)

(LORNE rushes to help her up, and XANDER quickly hops to his feet to do the same.)

**LORNE**  
(With XANDER, helping ANYA to her feet.) Are you okay, Pumpkin?

**ANYA**  
(Holding her nose) By dose.

**XANDER**  
(Looking at ANYA's feet) Your toes? They look all right to me.

**ANYA**  
By _dose_! You brog by dose!

**LORNE**  
Lemme see, lemme see. It's probably not broken, you just banged it. Here, hold this up to it to stop the bleeding. (Holds a handkerchief up to ANYA's nose.) Why don't you go backstage to see the medic?

**ANYA**  
Doe, id's bedder dow. Led's hear da reviews.

**LORNE**  
Well, okay then. Dru?

**DRUSILLA**  
(Looking up, sucking on a finger that she had dipped in some of ANYA's blood that was on the table.) Hmmm?

**ANYA**  
She was righd! You drobbed be!

**XANDER**  
I didn't drop you! I "tribbed" you, maybe, but I didn't drop you. And I'm sorry!

**ANYA**  
You were subbosed to wait for me to helb you ub.

**XANDER**  
I'm sorry!

**LORNE**  
Well, Dru, if you're finished snacking, what did you think of the routine?

**DRUSILLA**  
It's demon blood, anyway. (Shakes her head.) The army marches well but we can't tell who the generals are. Switch, switch, switch. Too many chiefs.

**LORNE**  
I think I actually followed that. I hate to add insult to injury, but Wes, what did you think?

**WESLEY**  
I have never insulted anyone on this show. I merely give a true and accurate account of my perceptions of the dance. It is up to them whether they choose to see that as positive or negative. (Some laughs, some boos from the CROWD.) But I agree with Drusilla. Although tonight's effort was certainly better than last week, I felt that you couldn't quite decide who was leading. It was almost as if you'd divided the routine up 50-50. The result was that it sometimes looked like a tug-of-war. (CROWD boos.) That and the bouquet mix-up at the beginning threw things off a bit, but you recovered nicely. (Smattering of applause from the CROWD.)

**LORNE**  
Okay, and Oz? You agree with him?

**OZ**  
Pretty much.

**LORNE**  
Anything else to add?

**OZ**  
Just that she probably needs to go see the medic. She's getting blood on her dress.

**DRUSILLA**  
Ooh, how pretty. I want a wedding dress like that.

**LORNE**  
(Hurrying XANDER and ANYA off.) Yes, quickly, you go see the medic and you can skip talking to Illyria.

**ILLYRIA**  
(From backstage, voice over.) The vengance demon was the only one I had been _wanting_ to speak to.

**LORNE**  
(Rolls his eyes.) Be that as it may, heh, let's go ahead and get the judges' scores.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Will the judges please reveal their scores? Drusilla?

**DRUSILLA**  
Eight, because I liked the blood. (CROWD ewws.)

**ANNOUNCER**  
Wesley Wyndam-Price?

**WESLEY**  
Seven. (CROWD boos.)

**ANNOUNCER**  
Daniel Osbourne?

**OZ**  
Seven. (CROWD groans.)

**LORNE**  
That leaves Xander and Anya with a score of twenty-two. So with all the scores in, let's go now and take a look at the Leader Board.

(Cut to graphic listing the names of the couples and their scores as follows:

Clem & Buffy...27  
Harmony & Giles...26  
Lilah & Angel...24  
Gunn & Cordelia...23  
Sebassis & Willow...22  
Xander & Anya...22  
Darla & Lindsey...19  
Spike & Faith...18

(Cut back to LORNE)

**LORNE cont.**  
And now it's time for _you_ to vote! Voting begins immediately, and will continue for almost two weeks! There will be no episode next week, and we'll return in _two weeks_ with our Results Show, when we'll combine the results of the voting with the judges' scores to find out which couple will be eliminated from the competition! The rules for voting are next. Thank you for watching _Dancing With The Demons_!

(Theme music plays, credits roll.)

RULES FOR VOTING  
You may vote for **all but one couple**. You do not have to use all your votes.

Every vote recorded before the close of voting will count, and every couple needs your vote to avoid elimination. For instance, if no one votes for the couple in first place on the leader board, that couple will most likely be eliminated, even though they are in first place! Voting will close at midnight GMT Monday, March 19. Any votes cast after the voting closes will not be counted. So vote for your favorites, and we'll see you on Thursday, March 22 for the next _Dancing With The Demons **Results** Show_!

For those without an LJ account, you can post your votes in comments or e-mail me your vote


	9. Results Show 2

Title: Dancing With the Demons, Results 2  
Author: **redsrule1**  
Fandoms: Buffy, Angel, Dancing With the Stars  
Rating: PG  
Disclaimer: I did not make up the characters, shows, the Rumba, or the Quickstep. I just teach how to do them.  
Pairings: Gen  
Characters: Just about everyone  
Author's Notes: Thanks to my super-beta, **yourlibrarian**.  
Summary: Nine couples, ONE winner, and this week another couple leaves the show

**Dancing With The Demons  
Results Show Two**

(Music stikes a low chord and sustains it throughout the opening.)

**ANNOUNCER**  
This week, the competition heated up as our "Bottom Two" survivors rose to the challenge.

(Episode clip.)  
(HARMONY and GILES dance an intricate series of quick hops and kicks, then move smoothly into more traveling moves.)

(Clip ends.)

**ANNOUNCER**  
…fortunes fell…

(Episode clip.)  
(ANYA trips over XANDER's leg and falls, banging her nose into the Judges' Table.)

(Clip ends.)

**ANNOUNCER**  
…and the judges laid down the law!

(Episode clip.)  
(DARLA and LINDSEY stand with LORNE at the Judges' Table.)

**WESLEY**  
It counts as a lift and is _illegal_!

(Episode clip.)  
(SPIKE and FAITH stand with LORNE at the Judges' Table. Edited clips from the judges' comments roll.)

**OZ**  
Dude, you gotta read the rules, man.

**DRUSILLA**  
Shame, shame!

(Clip ends.)

**ANNOUNCER**  
And through it all, last week's surprise leader showed that it wasn't just a fluke!

(Episode clip.)  
(Split screen with the Judges' Table on one half and CLEM and BUFFY backstage with ILLYRIA on the other.)

**DRUSILLA**  
Nine.

**WESLEY**  
Nine.

**OZ**  
Nine.

(Clip ends.)

**ANNOUNCER**  
But tonight, another couple must leave. Who will it be? Find out tonight on _DANCING WITH THE DEMONS_!

(Theme music plays as the video introductions for all nine original couples roll, then the live camera pans across the eight remaining couples standing on the stage in costume.)

**ANNOUNCER**  
Live, from Hollywood, this is _DANCING WITH THE DEMONS: THE RESULTS_!

Music ends. Cut to LORNE and ILLYRIA standing at the side of the dance floor.)

**LORNE**  
Hello, and welcome to _DANCING WITH THE DEMONS: THE RESULTS_! I'm Lorne, your host.

**ILLYRIA**  
I am insulted that I should even need an introduction, let alone have to repeat it on every show.

**LORNE**  
Some of our viewers may be tuning in for the first time, Muffin.

**ILLYRIA**  
(Cocks her head, considering this.) Why are they tardy? Have they only now been released from their wage bondage? Or have their wages not been sufficient for them to purchase a television device? Or perhaps the advertising you humans seem so fond of was too insufficient or ineffective to apprise them of the scheduled transmission of this program?

**LORNE**  
(His smile at the camera unflinching.) All excellent questions, Illyria.

**ILLYRIA**  
God-King of the Primordium.

**LORNE**  
(Still smiling.) And tonight we're going to answer another excellent question: which of our eight remaining couples will be eliminated? The judges have spoken, and you--

**ILLYRIA**  
(As much to herself as to anyone else.) I question the wisdom of our sponsors investing in advertisement on a program whose own advertising was inadequate to ensure that those who are interested will be informed enough to tune in at the proper time.

**LORNE**  
(Visibly forcing the smile now, and talking louder.) _The judges have spoken_, and you at home have spoken, now let's let some of the people who were watching the dances from our studio audience speak. (To DIRECTOR) Who is working sound? Can we explain the concept of cutting off a microph--

(Cut to montage of Audience Interview Clips.)  
--------------------------------------------

(MAYOR WILKINS, D'HOFFRYN, and THE MASTER stand facing the camera with the dance floor in the background.)

**THE MASTER**  
I'm glad that Darla was not eliminated last week. It has been a long time since I have seen her dance.

**D'HOFFRYN**  
That was quite the routine they did. What a move! Essentially a handstand on her partner's shoulders.

**THE MASTER**  
I would expect nothing less than excellence from Darla.

**D'HOFFRYN**  
Where were you last week, anyhow?

**THE MASTER**  
When I was resurrected, I was told that someone hadn't seen the adverts in time to bring me back for the first episode. Naturally, those were the last words that entity ever spoke. What did I miss in the first week?

**D'HOFFRYN**  
You missed the Witch in a skimpy two-piece costume.

**THE MASTER**  
That's a shame.

**MAYOR WILKINS**  
It was indeed a shame. There's no reason for brazen costumes. Your Darla has been well dressed throughout, as has my Faith. Although I have to say that there was no reason for her costume to be as sheer as it was. Probably trying to curry favor with those judges.

**D'HOFFRYN**  
(Jerking a thumb at MAYOR WILKINS so that only THE MASTER can see, as if to say "what's wrong with him?") I thought Faith's costume was rather nice. Buffy looked cute in that wig and flapper dress, too.

**THE MASTER**  
(Bristles at BUFFY's name) I'm afraid I was at the bar during that routine.

**D'HOFFRYN**  
Oh. Yeah. Sorry, my mistake. Hey, Anya did a nice job, too.

**MAYOR WILKINS**  
She did indeed. They did a nice quickstep. I certainly hope they disinfected that wound and cleaned up and sterilized the table, though.

**THE MASTER**  
I liked her costume, too.

**D'HOFFRYN**  
(Nodding) The skirt was somewhat high cut.

**THE MASTER**  
Drusilla was right, however. The costume was better with the bloodstains.  
--------------------------------------------

(VI, RONA, AMANDA, CHAO-AN, and KENNEDY.)

**VI and AMANDA**  
(Chanting in unison.) Save Spike! Save Spike! Save Spike!

**CHAO-AN**  
(In Mandarin.) Is that a battle cry? Do we slay the vampires now? They are on the dance floor and in the audience.

**RONA**  
What's Chao-An talkin' about?

**CHAO-AN**  
(In Mandarin. Points at SEBASSIS.) And the witch is doing evil spells with the horrible demon. We must stop them!

**KENNEDY**  
Yeah, I liked Willow best, too.  
--------------------------------------------

(JOYCE SUMMERS and PRINCIPAL SNYDER.)

**JOYCE**  
Buffy's in first place again! And wasn't she adorable in that costume?

**SNYDER**  
I see Harris was making a complete mess of things again. They're all troublemakers. And Rosenberg! Who knows what she and that demon were conjuring up out there.

**JOYCE**  
And it was nice to see Rupert do so well.

**SNYDER**  
Nah, it was just sympathy points for that airheaded partner of his. She was in school with them, too. At least she was too vacuous to cause much trouble.

**JOYCE**  
Why are you sitting next to me, anyway?  
--------------------------------------------

(Montage ends. Cut to LORNE and ILLYRIA.)

**LORNE**  
Now it is time for us to reveal to three couples whether they are moving on in the competition, or if they face elimination in the Bottom Two.

**ILLYRIA**  
(Staring unblinking at the camera.) That is correct, Lorne. Now begins the tedious drawing out of the revelation of the dance results for the purpose of artificially building tension and the selling of more advertising of questionable effectiveness. (Looks directly at LORNE, and with a note of pride in her voice) I am learning how television functions.

**LORNE**  
God, I hope so. --I mean, you sure are, you little ray of sunshine, you. And let's find out if we're going to bring a ray of sunshine to three couples, or a cloud of gloom! Xander and Anya!

(Cut to XANDER and ANYA as a spotlight hits them. ANYA is wearing a band-aid on her nose that she doesn't really need. She nervously grabs XANDER's hand.)

**LORNE cont.**  
You had a nasty surprise at the end of your routine. Did the viewers also give you a nasty surprise and send you to the Bottom Two?

(Pause. ANYA squeezes XANDER's hand tighter. A grimace of pain begins to creep across his face.)

**LORNE cont.**  
They did not. You're going to the next round!

(ANYA smiles, drops XANDER's hand, and points to her bandage and nods. XANDER rolls his eye and opens and closes his now-freed hand as the spotlight fades from them. Cut to LORNE and ILLYRIA.)

**ILLYRIA**  
Gunn and Cordelia.

(Cut to GUNN and CORDELIA as a spotlight hits them.)

**ILLYRIA cont.**  
Your performance this week has only slightly improved upon last week's lackluster performance and this was reflected in the judges' scores. Yet the audience's votes were enough to save you from the ignominy of the Bottom Two. You will return next week. Please be better prepared.

(CORDELIA puts her hands on her hips and shoots an indignant look at ILLYRIA. GUNN smiles resignedly and shakes his head as the spotlight fades. Cut to LORNE and ILLYRIA.)

**LORNE**  
Harmony and Giles!

(Cut to HARMONY and GILES as a spotlight hits them. She bounces nervously, while he smiles mirthlessly.)

**LORNE cont.**  
The judges liked your Quickstep enough to put you in second place, just one point behind the first place couple. Did the viewers agree, and send you to the next round?

(Pause. GILES mouths the word "no." HARMONY bounces harder.)

**LORNE cont.**  
They did! You're going on to the next round!

(GILES sighs, then cringes as HARMONY emits a squeal and throws her arms around him. His countenance softens and he pats her on the back as the spotlight fades. Cut to LORNE, who now stands alone.)

**LORNE**  
Three couples have made it safely to the next round, five couples still await their fate. Let's go backstage where Illyria will hopefully interview the three happy couples.

(Cut backstage where ILLYRIA stands next to ANYA, along with XANDER, GUNN, and CORDELIA. HARMONY and GILES walk up and join them.)

**ILLYRIA**  
(To ANYA.) I did not get to speak with you during the show last time. You appeared to have taken better control of your charge.

**ANYA**  
Yeah, but that stupid judge says I'm leading _too_ much now.

**XANDER**  
(Cringing) Ahn, I thought we talked about not insulting--

**ILLYRIA**  
I do not think Judge Percy is stupid. On the contrary, he speaks the truth, even when that makes him unpopular. A good trait in a leader.

**CORDELIA**  
Yeah, well at least _his_ opinions are _asked_ for, sister.

**ILLYRIA**  
Yes, unlike yours.

(CORDELIA starts to take a step toward ILLYRIA, but GUNN holds her back and shakes his head.)

**GUNN**  
She can still kick _all_ our asses.

**ILLYRIA**  
Charles Gunn speaks the truth as well. You once proved your worthiness as a warrior. It is my hope that you will soon prove your worthiness on the dance floor. Some much weaker than you have risen from near the bottom to near the top. Witness the couple standing furthest from me. They barely escaped elimination last week, and this week they nearly topped the Leader Board.

**HARMONY**  
(Squeals.) I know, isn't it great?

(ILLYRIA frowns and does not respond.)

**HARMONY cont.**  
(To GILES.) That's us, right? She was talking about us?

**GILES**  
(Wearily) Yes, Harmony. We are the weak ones who rose to the top.

**HARMONY**  
(Bounces and claps her hands.) Yay! (Stops bouncing and frowns.) Hey! Wait a minute!

(GILES rolls his eyes. XANDER snickers. CORDELIA gives HARMONY a look not seen since one of the Cordettes spoke out of turn.)

**HARMONY cont.**  
Who do you think you're dealing with? I'm not weak. I'm a vampire. I got super vampire strength an' stuff.

**XANDER**  
And a lightning fast intellect and razor sharp fighting skills, as I recall.

**ILLYRIA**  
Even in my diminished state I would still destroy you with no more effort than I would expend in crushing an insect. No bandage in the world would be sufficient to heal your wounds.

**ANYA**  
(Pointing to her band-aid.) Oh! The band-aid worked well, didn't it?

**XANDER**  
Ahn, I told you that all the votes were already in before anyone ever saw you with the band-aid.

**ANYA**  
For this week, maybe. but I figure between my band-aid and your eyepatch, we've got the sympathy vote locked up for next week, too. I'm thinking of staging a pratfall every week.

**ILLYRIA**  
It will certainly make the proceedings more interesting. However, a mere band-aid will not suffice for long.

**ANYA**  
Oh, of course not. I plan to go for an arm in a sling next. (Looks at XANDER.) Or maybe you could pick a fight with Illyria. Didn't you just tell me before the show started that she's the worst co-host you've ever seen and that your drunken uncle could do a better job even if he _was_ passed out?

(ILLYRIA stares at XANDER.)

**XANDER**  
(Grins nervously, then points to his eyepatch.) Back off, you don't know that it's _not_ bionic!

**ILLYRIA**  
(Looks quizzically at XANDER.) What protection would artificially enhanced eyesight give you in hand-to-hand combat?

**XANDER**  
It could shoot lasers.

**ILLYRIA**  
(Nods approvingly.) That would indeed be to your advantage. (Looks at DIRECTOR.) I do not wish to cut away now. This is becoming the most interesting conversation of the entire series so far. (Looks at DIRECTOR, then waves her hand dismissively.) Very well. We shall continue this conversation off camera while Lorne presents yet another meaningless stalling segment. Perhaps if we had more conversations like this, viewers would not be so tardy in tuning in.

(Cut to LORNE.)

**LORNE**  
While our little bluebird of happiness talks weapons backstage, we're going to go to our "Slime-Feast Challenge!" And speaking of bluebirds, "Slime-Feast" now comes in a delicious new "Bluebird" flavor! Be sure to try it, while we check in with our "Slime-Feast Challenge" contestant!

(Cut to film.)  
--------------------------------------------

(The YARBNIE demon stands alone in a dance studio, nervously chewing on the straw of another big "Chug" soda. TARA enters.)

**TARA**  
H-hello. You're the "Slime-Feast" contestant?

**YARBNIE**  
I- I suppose so.

**TARA**  
(Extending her hand to the YARBNIE.) Well, my name is Tara, and I'm going to be your dance teacher.

**YARBNIE**  
(Tentatively reaches out to shake TARA's hand.) P-pleased to meet you.

(ANDREW enters the room, carrying a briefcase in his left hand and a clipboard with papers under the same arm.)

**ANDREW**  
Hello, everyone. (To the YARBNIE, extending his right hand.) My name is Andrew, and I'll be teaching you to dance.

**YARBNIE**  
(Somewhat confused. Motions toward TARA.) I- I thought _she_ was my teacher.

**TARA**  
Uh, so did I.

**ANDREW**  
(To TARA.) Oh. I thought you were on the camera crew. Well, I don't know. I was definitely told that I was to report to this location to teach a-- (glances at a paper on his clipboard) "Yarbnie" demon to dance.

**TARA**  
So was I.

**ANDREW**  
What?

**TARA**  
I was definitely told to come here and teach a Yarbnie demon. To dance. Also.

**ANDREW**  
This same demon?

**TARA**  
I guess so.

**ANDREW**  
At this location.

**TARA**  
Yes.

(ANDREW checks his papers again. TARA smiles politely at the YARBNIE, who has returned to sucking nervously on his "Chug.")

**ANDREW**  
You're Tara?

**TARA**  
Yes.

**ANDREW**  
May I speak with you for a moment? (To the YARBNIE.) Excuse us.

(ANDREW and TARA walk over to the tables at the side of the dance floor and sit down at one of them. They speak in hushed tones for a few moments, and ANDREW periodically checks his clipboard. Finally they get up and return to stand with the YARBNIE.)

**ANDREW**  
Apparently we were both hired to teach you to dance. There seemed to be some uncertainty on the part of the producers as to whether you're a--

**TARA**  
As to whether you'd prefer to lead or to follow.

**ANDREW**  
(To TARA.) Yeah, that's good. (To the YARBNIE.) So, which would you… prefer?

**YARBNIE**  
Well, I suppose that would be up to you. You're the teachers.

**ANDREW**  
Yeah, but surely you have a preference.

**YARBNIE**  
I don't know really know enough about dancing to say.

(ANDREW frowns, and furrows his brow as he tries to come up with another tack.)

**TARA**  
(Smiles as she gets an idea.) I'm sorry, but in all the confusion I forgot to ask you your name.

**ANDREW**  
(To TARA.) Oh, that's good, too. _If_ we can tell from a demon name.

**YARBNIE**  
My name? My name is Chris.

**ANDREW**  
"Chris?" Your name is "Chris?"

**CHRIS**  
Y-yes. (Sucks nervously on the straw.) W-what's wrong with that?

**ANDREW**  
Oh. Nothing. I just-- I just figured your name would sound more-- more--

**CHRIS**  
Ethnic?

**ANDREW**  
Demony. And, hopefully, gender specific.

**CHRIS**  
My race has been on this continent much longer than yours. You're the foreigners, not me.

**TARA**  
Oh-- okay, we didn't mean to insult you. "Chris" is a fine name-- f-for a boy.

(CHRIS looks at her silently, sipping.)

**ANDREW**  
--Or a girl.

(CHRIS looks at ANDREW silently.)

**ANDREW cont.**  
(Rapidly, blurting it out impatiently.) Areyouaboyoragirl?!?

**CHRIS**  
What?

**ANDREW**  
Are you a boy or a girl?

**CHRIS**  
I'm a balancing entity.

**ANDREW**  
Yes, yes, my paper says that. But are you a--

**CHRIS**  
I am a balancing entity.

**TARA**  
I'm sorry, I don't understand.

**CHRIS**  
We balance many things: energy, temperature, even the vibrations given off by other life forms. We also balance what you call gender.

**ANDREW**  
Meaning…?

**CHRIS**  
We're neither one nor the other. We are both one _and_ the other.

**ANDREW**  
Oh! Like a top _and_ a bot--

**TARA**  
I think we understand.

**ANDREW**  
So who's going to teach him-- her-- Chris?

**TARA**  
I guess we both will. If that's all right with you, Chris.

**CHRIS**  
(Gnawing on the straw.) I guess so.

**ANDREW**  
Y'know, that had better be a "diet Chug!" Our bonuses are tied to how much weight you lose! And aren't you supposed to be drinking "Slime-Feast," anyway?  
--------------------------------------------  
(Film ends. Cut to LORNE and ILLYRIA.)

**LORNE**  
It's so hard to sort things out sometimes, isn't it? But now it's time to reveal to three more couples whether they are moving on to the next round, or moving down to the Bottom Two.

**ILLYRIA**  
Since none of the first three couples were sent to the Bottom Two, it is only logical that one and only one of the next three couples will be. Otherwise, there would be no suspense when the fate of the final two couples were announced. Knowing that, it is also unlikely that the first couple announced now will be sent to the Bottom Two, or there would be no suspense as we announce couples two and three. I am correct.

**LORNE**  
You are correct, but maybe we shouldn't have told the audience that, Cupcake.

**ILLYRIA**  
I was not asking for your validation. However, it is true that by pointing that out I have heightened the tension of the show.

**LORNE**  
(Nodding.) You are indeed _very_ good at that.

**ILLYRIA**  
Clem and Buffy!

(Cut to CLEM and BUFFY as a spotlight hits them. They immediately give each other a hug and begin celebrating their advancement to the next round.)

**ILLYRIA cont.**  
For the reasons I have discussed earlier, you are moving on to the next round.

(The spotlight fades. Cut to LORNE.)

**LORNE**  
Darla and Lindsey!

(Cut to DARLA and LINDSEY as the spotlight hits them.)

**LORNE cont.**  
Lilah and Angel!

(Cut to split screen with DARLA and LINDSEY on one side. On the other side, a spotlight hits LILAH and ANGEL. ANGEL is still unable to stop his reflexive flinch at the sudden bright light. DARLA, steadfast as ever, smiles mockingly at him.)

**LORNE**  
Darla and Lindsey, the judges placed you near the bottom of the Leader Board for performing an illegal, albeit spectacular, move. Was the move spectacular enough for the viewers to rescue you from the Bottom Two?

**LINDSEY**  
That was the plan.

**LORNE**  
Lilah and Angel. The judges thought you danced well, but without the edge that you had the first week. Did the viewers think you danced well enough to get to the next round? The couple definitely moving on to next week is…

(Pause. LILAH shoots a challenging glare at LINDSEY. LINDSEY glares at ANGEL. ANGEL glares at DARLA. DARLA smiles confidently at the camera.)

**LORNE cont.**  
…Lilah and Angel. Darla and Lindsey, that means you are in the Bottom Two.

(Now DARLA glares at LINDSEY. LINDSEY throws it off with a shrug. LILAH gives ANGEL a just-slightly-friendlier-than-congratulatory hug as she steals a glance at WESLEY out of the corner of her eye. The spotlights fade. Cut to LORNE, who is now standing alone.)

**LORNE**  
Let's go backstage to Illyria, who is there with the three couples who have just learned their fate.

(Cut backstage to ILLYRIA, who is standing next to CLEM and BUFFY. DARLA and LINDSEY join them, followed by LILAH, who is leading ANGEL by the hand. XANDER, ANYA, GUNN, CORDELIA, HARMONY, and GILES are all sitting on or standing around the couch in the background.)

**ILLYRIA**  
(Eyes CLEM suspiciously.) You are excited?

**CLEM**  
(Nods furiously, ears flapping.) Oh, yes, yes!

**ILLYRIA**  
(Taking a step away from CLEM, she addresses BUFFY.) You have been the leader for two weeks now, although I do not know why this is any more of a surprise than anyone else being in first place would be. Do you believe that you can maintain your position in the coming weeks?

**BUFFY**  
Clem's a good dancer. I couldn't have asked for a better partner. I don't know if we'll always be in first place, but I think we've got a good chance to go all the way.

**ILLYRIA**  
What bionic weapon do you wish to have installed on your person?

**BUFFY**  
Uh, I think I'll just carry a stake, thanks.

**ILLYRIA**  
I am not surprised that you are thinking of food. It looks as if you have not eaten for some time.

**BUFFY**  
And yet I'm still bigger than you.

**ILLYRIA**  
(Motioning toward ANGEL) I do not need to be an ever-expanding hulking brute to wield my power.

**ANGEL**  
Hey!

**ANYA**  
(To XANDER) I'd noticed that, too, but you once said that I shouldn't say things like that.

**XANDER**  
That's very good, Ahn. You now have more people skills than the recently-resurrected, several-thousand-year-old God-king.

(ANYA smiles, pleased with herself.)

**LILAH**  
(Patting ANGEL's belly.) That's all right, Sweetie. We danced better than any other vampires or lawyers.

**HARMONY**  
Not me!

**LILAH**  
Really? Let's see that Waltz again.

**ILLYRIA**  
Yes, as for you, out on stage you hugged your partner, yet you were surreptitiously eyeing Judge Percy. What is your interest in the Judge?

**LILAH**  
You call "Judge Percy" by a nickname. What is _your_ interest in him?

**ILLYRIA**  
Judge Wesley is of service to me..

**LILAH**  
When I was still alive? Judge Percy serviced _me_. And F.Y.I.? "Percy" is Spike's name. Show a little originality.

**ANGEL**  
I'm not out of shape. …Am I?

**LINDSEY**  
Sittin' behind that big desk softened you up, Big Guy.

**ILLYRIA**  
(To LINDSEY) And what of you? Your willingness to use whatever means are at your disposal has raised your esteem in my eyes, but not in the judges'. A foolish risk?

**LINDSEY**  
A _calculated_ risk.

**ILLYRIA**  
A fair reply. But I weary of this conversation. We have film of a more interesting interview I recently conducted. (To DIRECTOR) Display that film now.

(Cut to film.)  
--------------------------------------------

(ILLYRIA and GLORY sit in interview chairs arranged in a "V" shape so that they face toward each other but also face the camera.)

**ILLYRIA**  
Your Most Radiant Glorificus. I welcome you.

**GLORY**  
Illyria, God-king of the Primordium. It's good to see you.

**ILLYRIA**  
I am pleased that you were able to join me.

**GLORY**  
(Scoffs.) Well, it's not like I had much else to do. Kinda stuck in Limbo these days.

**ILLYRIA**  
Truly, it is a tragedy.

**GLORY**  
You're tellin' me. You ever try to find cute shoes in Limbo? I had to borrow these from the studio wardrobe department.

**ILLYRIA**  
"Borrow?"

**GLORY**  
Yeah. I took the shoes --and this dress for that matter-- and I "borrowed" the wardrobe guy's head when he tried to stop me.

**ILLYRIA**  
Foolish mortal. Your outfit _is_ quite pleasing to the eye, however.

**GLORY**  
I think I'll borrow some more things on my way out.

**ILLYRIA**  
Among all the deities, you always were the most immaculately dressed.

**GLORY**  
Thank you. It's so nice to be appreciated. (Turns her chair to face ILLYRIA directly.) You know, I always went to the trouble of looking my best when I brain-sucked people, so they could tell they were being brain-sucked by a first-rate deity, but did they appreciate it? No, it was always just "help me" this, and "spare my life" that, "me, me, me."

**ILLYRIA**  
(Turning her chair to face GLORY directly.) Minions are never cognizant of what we go through. But then, they do not have the capacity to know our minds, do they? Still, one would think they might at least try. But instead it was just constant supplication.

**GLORY**  
Greedy, is what they are. Greedy and uncaring. "Give me this," "I want that," "help _my_ family and _my_ friends." I could have gotten all of that even if I _hadn't_ been stylish. But here I am, caring enough to go the extra cubit to look as good as I can, and what did they ever do for me? They kill some animal and leave it to rot. What am I supposed to do with that? Eww. They _really_ want to leave a sacrifice, how about a nice handbag or some killer pumps? (Scoffs.) And don't even get me started on my minions. Dreg and Jinx wouldn't know Gucci from Prada. They'd probably leave me something from Wal-mart. I mean, look at them. You'd think they'd at least try. I still have some hope for Gronx, though. She seems to have _some_ taste.

**ILLYRIA**  
Truly, they know nothing of our burdens. They do not know what it is to rule all.

**GLORY**  
Yeah, and speaking of which, what's up with this?

**ILLYRIA**  
(Cocks her head.) To what are you referring?

**GLORY**  
This show. What are you doing here?

**ILLYRIA**  
Like you, I do not currently have pressing business elsewhere. I was left asleep for too many millennia. My legions have long since turned to dust.

**GLORY**  
So get some new ones, honey. I'm trapped but you're not.

**ILLYRIA**  
I am still learning about this new world.

**GLORY**  
What's to know? Minions are minions. Strength is strength.

**ILLYRIA**  
I'm afraid that this body has forced a diminution of my strength.

**GLORY**  
So let the plants be your eyes and ears. They'll give you all the information you need to take over. Even with all the paving over, plants are still everywhere. Some humans even keep them in their homes!

**ILLYRIA**  
(Hanging her head slightly.) I no longer hear the Song Of The Green.

**GLORY**  
Oh. Wow. Seriously? Hey, if you're that weak, maybe I can brain-suck you. Bet that would be a rush.

**ILLYRIA**  
I am not so diminished as that.

**GLORY**  
Oh. Well, I just thought, what with the whole _Co_-Host thing, you know.

**ILLYRIA**  
I believe it is time to conclude this interview.

(Film ends.)  
--------------------------------------------

(Cut to LORNE and ILLYRIA.)

**LORNE**  
Well, that was… interesting. --If not a little disconcerting. But now it's time for us to find out how the rest of our couples fared.

**ILLYRIA**  
You are correct, Lorne. The tedious stalling is thankfully at an end and we will now reveal the fate of our final two couples. Spike and Faith.

(A spotlight hits SPIKE and FAITH. SPIKE has steeled himself but nonetheless flinches slightly at the bright light. FAITH smiles half-heartedly, more concerned with the possibility of elimination than with amusement at SPIKE.)

**ILLYRIA cont.**  
(Sighs impatiently.) I know what I am to say next so I will not wait for the teleprompter. Sebassis and Willow.

(A spotlight hits SEBASSIS and WILLOW. WILLOW starts, nervously, forcing herself to continue breathing even though her instinct was to catch her breath and hold it. SEBASSIS gives her a fatherly smile and pats her on the back.)

**ILLYRIA cont.**  
Of these two couples, one will remain in the competition and one will be relegated to the bottom two. The couple who will survive to next week is-- (stares at the teleprompter and growls) …tell me _now_… Spike and Faith.

(SPIKE and FAITH smile and give each other a congratulatory high five as the spotlight fades from them. The spotlight on WILLOW and SEBASSIS turns red. Her eyes grow wide as she sucks in a deep breath and this time holds it nervously. SEBASSIS's head is raised and his eyes are narrowed regally.)

**LORNE**  
Sebassis and Willow. Darla and Lindsey.

(A red spotlight hits DARLA and LINDSEY. Her eyes narrow, but it is unclear whether she is squinting because of the light or glaring menacingly. LINDSEY tilts his head up like SEBASSIS and looks out of the corner of his eyes at the other couple.)

**LORNE cont.**  
You are the bottom two couples. If it's any consolation, it was extremely close this week. But now we must say goodbye to one of you. The couple with the lowest combined total of judges' scores and viewer votes…

(Pause. WILLOW steeples both hands over her nose and mouth in dread. ILLYRIA rolls her eyes.)

**LORNE cont.**  
…by just six one-thousandths of a point overall…

(Pause. DARLA glares at LINDSEY. ILLYRIA glares at LORNE.)

**LORNE cont.**  
…by only two points in the judges' scoring…

(Pause. ILLYRIA balls her hand into a fist.)

**LORNE cont.**  
…or by just _one_ viewer vote…

(Pause. SEBASSIS steadfastly awaits the results. ILLYRIA turns her glare toward the DIRECTOR.)

**LORNE cont.**  
…the couple leaving us tonight is…

(Pause. WILLOW shuts her eyes tight. LINDSEY clenches his teeth. ILLYRIA takes a menacing step toward the DIRECTOR.)

**LORNE cont.**  
…Darla and Lindsey.

(WILLOW finally allows her breath to escape, and staggers slightly. SEBASSIS notices this and puts an arm around her to steady her as the spotlight fades from them. DARLA continues to glare at LINDSEY whose head whips over to look at SEBASSIS and WILLOW. He is clearly starting to say something before his mic is cut. DARLA continues stiffly holding his arm and after exchanging a look with her, he offers her his right elbow and escorts her to the Judges' Table, LORNE, and ILLYRIA.)

**LORNE cont.**  
Well, kids, that was a fantastic routine you had but it just wasn't quite enough to overcome the low scores from the judges.

**LINDSEY**  
Sometimes you roll the dice and lose. But we did a great routine.

**LORNE**  
You did, but the way Darla's looking at you, you might regret it soon. You two go have your last dance together now. And in the meantime, we'll say goodnight for now and be sure to tune in next week for round three of _DANCING WITH THE DEMONS_!

(LINDSEY leads DARLA to the middle of the dance floor as "Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word" by Elton John begins to play. DARLA's glare remains unflinching as they dance for a few moments, then the other seven couples descend from the stage and walk up to them. ANGEL cuts in to dance a bit with DARLA, and LILAH grabs LINDSEY with a distinctly superior expression on her face.)

(End credits.)


	10. Episode 3, Pt 1

Title: Dancing With the Demons, Episode 3 (Part 1)  
Author: **redsrule1**  
Fandoms: Buffy, Angel, Dancing With the Stars  
Rating: PG  
Disclaimer: I didn't make up the characters, the music, the shows, or the dances. I just live them sometimes.  
Pairings: Gen  
Characters: Just about everyone  
Author's Notes: Thanks to **yourlibrarian** for the beta.  
Summary: Nine couples, ONE winner, and you choose who becomes the champion!

**Dancing With The Demons  
Episode Three, Part One**

(Music strikes a low chord. Clips from the previous episode are shown with the ANNOUNCER's voice over.)

**ANNOUNCER**  
Round Two brought surprises!

(Split screen with Judges' Table on one half and HARMONY and GILES backstage with ILLYRIA on the other half.)

**DRUSILLA**  
Nine.

**WESLEY**  
Nine.

**OZ**  
Eight.

(HARMONY squeals and jumps with delight, throwing her arms around GILES, who manages to cringe and look pleased at the same time.)  
--------------------------------------------

**ANNOUNCER**  
Intrigue!

(Rehearsal clip.)  
(LILAH and ANGEL in dance studio.)

**ANGEL**  
(Grabs LILAH by the wrist.) We were never friends.

**LILAH**  
(Smiles mischievously.) No we weren't. But I _understand_ you, and that's much more dangerous.  
--------------------------------------------

**ANNOUNCER**  
And elimination by the smallest of margins!

(Split screen shot of SEBASSIS and WILLOW on one side and DARLA and LINDSEY on the other with an edited voice-over by LORNE.)

**LORNE**  
By just one viewer vote, the couple leaving us tonight is: Darla and Lindsey.

(DARLA glares at LINDSEY. LINDSEY, shocked, looks at SEBASSIS and WILLOW and starts to say something before his microphone is cut off.)  
--------------------------------------------

**ANNOUNCER**  
And when the dust cleared, Round One's surprise leader came out on top again!

(CLEM, in a zoot suit, dances the Charleston as BUFFY, in flapper dress and short brunette wig claps. CLEM kicks her in the backside.)  
--------------------------------------------

**ANNOUNCER**  
Two couples are gone. Who will be next? find out, on _DANCING WITH THE DEMONS_!

(Cue theme song, video introductions of all nine original couples. Then the camera pans live across the remaining seven couples standing on the stage, in costume.)

**ANNOUNCER**  
Live, from Hollywood! This is _DANCING WITH THE DEMONS_!

(Music ends, close shot of LORNE and ILLYRIA.)

**LORNE**  
Welcome to _DANCING WITH THE DEMONS_! I'm Lorne, you're host.

(ILLYRIA is looking furtively out of the corner of her eye toward the Judges' Table.)

**LORNE**  
Um, Blueberry? …Sweetie? …God-king of the Primordium?

**ILLYRIA**  
(Distractedly.) You have introduced me sufficiently.

**LORNE**  
Okay then. I see that our Illyria has noticed a change at the Judges' Table, so let's go there right now.

(Camera pulls back to include the Judges' Table in the frame. DROGYN sits on the left, WESLEY sits in his usual place in the center, fiddling with what appears to be a small box. OZ is seated on the right.)

**LORNE cont.**  
We have a new member of our judging panel starting tonight. Joining us will be Drogyn The Battlebrand. Welcome, Drogyn. (CROWD applauds.) How ya' doin'?

**DROGYN**  
My neck remains sore from my death and I am still somewhat disoriented from my recent resurrection. Ask me no further questions.

**LORNE**  
Riiight. I'll try to keep that in mind _when we need to find out how the contestants scored_! (Sighs.) Unfortunately, Drusilla was unable to continue with us for personal reasons. We wish her luck in all of her future endeavors. --Well, maybe not _all_, that kinda depends on what she's up to. But anyway, still on our panel of judges is Daniel Osbourne, and of course, our head judge, Wesley Wyndam-Price. --What's that you got there, Wes?

(WESLEY starts as if his first impulse was to hide it, then stops, knowing it is too late.)

**WESLEY**  
It's a box, Lorne.

**LORNE**  
I see that. Did you have something to share with us?

**WESLEY**  
Um, not really, no. It --er, it seems to be a laxative of some sort. I am quite at a loss to explain it, actually. It was here when I sat down. Is it yours, Drogyn?

**DROGYN**  
It is not.

(WESLEY turns to look at OZ who is shaking his head )

**WESLEY**  
Right, then. It's a mystery to us all, Lorne.

(LORNE has clasped his palm over his face, and pulls it down and off his chin. He gives the camera a big, toothy smile.)

**LORNE**  
So, tonight our couples will be dancing either the Tango or the Mambo, and let's get right to our first couple. They went from a second place tie in Round One to the bottom of the Leader Board in Round Two. It's Spike and Faith!

(Cut to montage.)  
--------------------------------------------

**ANNOUNCER**  
Last time, SPIKE and FAITH's Quickstep pushed the boundaries a little too far!

(Episode clip.)  
(SPIKE and FAITH stand with LORNE at the Judges' Table.)

**WESLEY**  
That routine had everything but the kitchen sink, including lifts, which as I've said before, are illegal!  
--------------------------------------------

(SPIKE and FAITH sit together in front of the interview camera. As this interview took place shortly after their last dance, they are still in costume.)

**SPIKE**  
"Lifts" my arse.

**FAITH**  
He totally overreacted.

**SPIKE**  
We've got the strength of a vampire, _plus_ the strength of a Slayer. Why _shouldn't_ we take advantage of that?

**FAITH**  
(Makes a fist and curls her arm up to show off her bicep.) Yeah, see that, Wes? That's Slayer strength!

**SPIKE**  
And she might just use it on you!

**FAITH**  
(Slapping his chest.) Shut up! I didn't mean it like that.  
--------------------------------------------

**FAITH**  
(Solo interview.)  
We've got the Tango this week. I think we can pull it off.  
--------------------------------------------

(Rehearsal clip.)  
(SPIKE and FAITH in a dance studio, practicing. FAITH holds a bouquet of long-stemmed roses.)

**SPIKE**  
Those the roses for our routine?

**FAITH**  
No, Spike, these are the roses you sent me to thank me for being such a good teacher. They're lovely, aren't they?

**SPIKE**  
I din't send you any roses.

**FAITH**  
No, of course not. That would be thoughtful. These are from my secret admirer.

**SPIKE**  
So they _are_ the ones for our routine, then. (Takes one of the roses out of the bouquet.) 'Cuz I knew you didn't have a secret admirer.

**FAITH**  
Yes, I got that.

**SPIKE**  
So you gonna put this in your mouth when we dance? (Puts the stem of the rose between his teeth.)

**FAITH**  
_After_ the thorns are removed.

(SPIKE nods coolly. He takes the rose out of his mouth and sets it on a table.)

**SPIKE**  
(Awkwardly.) Left somethin' in the kitchen. Be right back.

(SPIKE disappears into the kitchenette, closing the door behind him. The camera remains on FAITH.)

**SPIKE cont.**  
AAAAAAAARRRRRRGGHHHH!

**FAITH**  
Left your dignity in there, did you?  
--------------------------------------------

**SPIKE**  
(Interview.)  
Din't like bein' in last place on the Leader Board last time. But we weren't in the Bottom Two, so I guess the fans saved us, so-- (Smiles at the camera and gives two thumbs up, adding a wink.) Bet Angel doesn't have enough fans to save him like that!  
--------------------------------------------

(Rehearsal clip.)  
(SPIKE and FAITH sit at a table in the dance studio, looking at a laptop.)

**FAITH**  
Lilah and Angel got more votes than we did.

**SPIKE**  
What? That lumbering hulk?

**FAITH**  
So did Xander and Anya, and Harmony and Giles. And besides, I thought you didn't care about Angel.

**SPIKE**  
I don't. That's why I wanna beat 'im.

**FAITH**  
What?

**SPIKE**  
Oh, look, Buffy tied us. Wait, I thought those results were supposed to be secret.

**FAITH**  
I know a guy.  
--------------------------------------------

**FAITH**  
(Interview.)  
Buffy and Clem have been in first place. They got this whole "cute" thing goin'. But that's only gonna get them so far. Me an' Spike, we got something _more_ goin' for us. (Winks and blows a kiss at the camera.)  
--------------------------------------------

(Montage ends.)

**ANNOUNCER**  
Dancing the Tango: William The Bloody and Faith Lahane!

(FAITH stands in the middle of the dance floor, wearing a sleek, sparkly red dress with a high slit on the left side. Her hair is pulled back in a bun, but some stray curls hang to the sides, like a Flamenco dancer. She holds a bouquet of long-stemmed red roses and sniffs them as she stands there. SPIKE appears at one side of the stage, wearing a Royal Navy officer's dress uniform from the nineteenth century and strikes a dashing pose, chin held high. The music hits a dramatic chord as a spotlight hits him. FAITH turns sharply to look at him, and her eyes widen and jaw drops with infatuation.)

(Cut to backstage. LILAH and ANGEL sit on the couch.)

**ANGEL**  
Oh, please.

(Cut to ballroom. An instrumental version of the "Habanera" from "Carmen" plays.)

(SPIKE descends the stairs with a haughty air, taking no notice of FAITH, who runs up to meet him at the foot of the stairs. She pulls a rose out of the bouquet and drops it at his feet. He ignores it, stepping over it to continue walking onto the dance floor. He walks toward the audience, flashing his best "GQ" smile toward VI and AMANDA who sit in the front row at the side of the floor. FAITH picks up the rose, rushes up to SPIKE, and drops it at his feet again. This time he picks it up, sniffs it, and looks at FAITH, who is hiding most of her face behind the bouquet, but bats her eyes seductively at him. He takes the bouquet in his hand and slowly pulls it away from her, as if undressing her. He drops the bouquet in front of VI and AMANDA, then grabs FAITH and pulls her forcefully against him. She gasps, then he takes her into dance hold and they begin doing some sharp Tango steps.)

(SPIKE rolls FAITH out away from him and lets go, and she does a series of turns away from him. Meanwhile, SPIKE approaches VI and AMANDA, raising an eyebrow and giving them his best "Hey, baby" smile. VI and AMANDA, who is now holding the bouquet, squee.)

(Cut to backstage.)

**ANGEL**  
Oh, come on, like _that_ would ever happen. Girls screaming over Spike.

(LILAH raises an eyebrow. Cut to ballroom.)

(FAITH turns to see SPIKE flirting with the women in the audience. She pulls an angry face and runs up to him, spinning him to face her and takes him in dance position as they continue with more Tango moves.)

(SPIKE rolls FAITH out a second time and again approaches VI and AMANDA. FAITH runs up to them before SPIKE gets there, and, with a bit of difficulty, wrests the bouquet from AMANDA. FAITH pulls the remaining roses out of the bouquet and is left with a stake. She runs up and mimes staking him in the chest. SPIKE mimes his death and falls, and FAITH also collapses to the floor as the music ends. The CROWD rises to its feet and roars with applause.)

(Cut to backstage.)

**ANGEL**  
(Disappointed.) I thought she was gonna do it for real.

(Cut to ballroom. SPIKE stands, then offers a hand and helps FAITH up. He escorts her to LORNE and the Judges' Table.)

**LORNE**  
Hoo-eee! Nice! And great twist on the "Carmen" story! Wesley, what are we looking for in the Tango?

**WESLEY**  
Well, Lorne, we're looking for sharp, staccato movements, cat-like footwork, and lots of drama.

**LORNE**  
And did we find that here in Spike and Faith's "Carmen?"

**WESLEY**  
It was a great routine. (CROWD cheers.)

**LORNE**  
But…?

**WESLEY**  
No "buts". Just, "it was a great routine." (CROWD cheers again. WESLEY smiles at them.)

**LORNE**  
Well. Okay. Um, Oz, how about you?

**OZ**  
Works for me.

**LORNE**  
(Eye roll) So anything you'd like to add about the routine, Oz?

**OZ**  
Oh, it was good. I liked it.

**LORNE**  
I was a fool for asking. Okay, Drogyn.. What's your critique of their routine?

**DROGYN**  
Oh. Yes. It was enjoyable to watch. (CROWD cheers.)

**LORNE**  
So it's meddlesome priests all around, is it?

**SPIKE**  
I know you. What are you doin' 'ere? Where's Dru?

**DROGYN**  
(Eyes turning angry) _Ask me no questions._

**SPIKE**  
Yeah, yeah, I remember the schtick. I also remember that you never actually told me who the goalkeeper for Manchester United is. But I'm askin' anyway. Where's Dru?

**DROGYN**  
I assume you are referring to my predecessor at this Judges' Table. I do not know where she is.

**SPIKE**  
So why are you here?

**DROGYN**  
Both Drusilla the judge and Reg the sound engineer were let go for fear that between them they might prematurely reveal the outcome of this competition. I was chosen to come in and take over.

**LORNE**  
Yeah, okay, thanks, Drogyn. We were trying to spin that a little differently, but that's all right.

**SPIKE**  
Hmm. Glad I wasn't the one who had to tell Reg.

**FAITH**  
_Or_ Dru.

**SPIKE**  
Yeah, but Reg… I mean, you ever meet that guy?

**FAITH**  
You got a point.

**LORNE**  
All right, kiddies, enough chit chat. Drogyn, what did you think of their routine?

**DROGYN**  
(Glares at LORNE for a moment, then looks at SPIKE and FAITH.) Spike's pose at the beginning was a bit too theatrical, reminding me more of P.T. Barnum than a military officer. (CROWD boos, but DROGYN ignores them and continues speaking without a pause.) The opening verse was danced with less than the proper staccato movement, and the glissando in the thirty-fifth measure passed without so much as a notice by the dancers, a wasted oppportunity. By and large the theme of the dance was well executed, although Faith's difficulty in re-acquring the bouquet from the audience member was distracting and pulled me out of the routine. In the final analysis, considering the amount of time you've been in training, it was, on the whole, well done. And Tomasz Kuszcak was goalkeeper in Manchester United's most recent match, a 1-0 win against Middlesbrough.

**FAITH**  
Spike threw the bouquet too close to the audience. Amanda wasn't supposed to pick it up.

**SPIKE**  
We won that match? (To FAITH) See what I miss when you make me practice so much?

**LORNE**  
All right, you two go on backstage and talk to Illyria. (Motions SPIKE and FAITH off camera.) In the meantime, we'll get back to running a TV show here and remind you to vote for your favorites as soon as this episode is over, once all seven couples have danced. Illyria?

(Cut to backstage, where ILLYRIA stands with SPIKE and FAITH. LILAH and ANGEL sit on the couch in the background.)

**ILLYRIA**  
The new judge is here to take over.

**FAITH**  
He's certainly taking over the criticism.

**ILLYRIA**  
That was Head Judge Wesley's domain.

**SPIKE**  
Percy seems to be happy letting Drogyn have it. The audience seems to like Wes better for it.

**ILLYRIA**  
The audience does not respect strength. Bespectacled One had the courage to speak his mind even when it was unpopular.

**FAITH**  
"Bespec--?"

**ILLYRIA**  
They will pass judgement on you now.

(Cut to Judges' Table.)

**ANNOUNCER**  
Will the judges please reveal their scores?  
Drogyn the Battlebrand?

**DROGYN**  
Eight.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Wesley Wyndam-Price?

**WESLEY**  
Eight.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Daniel Osbourne?

**OZ**  
Nine.

(Cut to backstage.)

**ILLYRIA**  
The judges have given you a score of twenty-five.

**SPIKE**  
Ha! (To FAITH) Betcha Angle can't beat that.

**ANGEL**  
I'm sitting right here… "Willy."

**SPIKE**  
Oh, I'm sorry. Didn't see you there, mate.

**ANGEL**  
You've never been that observant, Spike.

**ILLYRIA**  
Quiet, half-breeds. We must return our attention to the ballroom.

(Cut to LORNE, who is looking down and straightening his jacket.)

**LORNE**  
(Looks up, surprised.) Oh. (Smiles.) Next up, they've given us two relatively consistent performances. Can they make it a third? It's Lilah and Angel!

(Cut to montage.)  
--------------------------------------------

**ANNOUNCER**  
In Round One, the judges liked their Waltz, but in Round Two, they felt their Quickstep lacked something.  
--------------------------------------------

(Episode clip.)  
(LILAH and ANGEL stand with LORNE at the Judges' Table.)

**WESLEY**  
While it was an adequate routine, it was rather lackluster.

**OZ**  
Last week had an edge that this week didn't.

**DRUSILLA**  
Daddy didn't sing to me tonight.  
--------------------------------------------

**ANNOUNCER**  
But at least they didn't upset the judges.  
--------------------------------------------

**WESLEY**  
It was perfectly acceptable.  
--------------------------------------------

**ANNOUNCER**  
Can they get their edge back and remain on the judges' good side as they try their first Latin dance?  
--------------------------------------------

**ANGEL**  
We did okay last week. We were third, so that's still okay. But I guess Lilah was right about one thing: We do better if we work together. So I'm letting her have more input again this week.  
--------------------------------------------

(Rehearsal clip.)  
(LILAH and ANGEL standing in a dance studio.)

**LILAH**  
It's much better if we do it this way.

**ANGEL**  
It's not.

**LILAH**  
It is.

**ANGEL**  
It's _not_.

**LILAH**  
It _is_! Spike would do it this way.

**ANGEL**  
Spike also almost got eliminated last time.  
--------------------------------------------

**ANGEL**  
(Interview)  
Despite what she said before, she's trying to motivate me by using Spike. Like I care. But at least if she's concentrating on using that angle, it's harmless enough. Keep her out of trouble. At least Spike's not dancing with Buffy. _I_ could have danced with Buffy. As frustrating as this is, there's no danger of perfect happiness.  
--------------------------------------------

(Rehearsal clip.)  
(LILAH and ANGEL dancing. ANGEL attempts to lead LILAH into some quick swivels, but he trips himself up and they stop.)

**ANGEL**  
Damn!  
--------------------------------------------

**LILAH**  
(Interview)  
Well, he's less broody this week. I think he enjoyed seeing Spike in the bottom two. And it's nice to get a chance at one of the Latin dances.  
--------------------------------------------

(Rehearsal clip.)  
(ANGEL attempting to lead LILAH into the swivels. He misses again, and they stop.)

**ANGEL**  
Heh. I'm supposed to be the teacher, and I'm the one screwing up that step.

**LILAH**  
I've got better Latin hips than you, too. (Pats ANGEL's belly.) But you keep workin' on it. It's slimming you down.  
--------------------------------------------

**ANGEL**  
(Interview)  
Or I could have danced with Cordelia. Oh, I guess not, 'because she's part demon now. But Cordy wouldn't've made fun of me working out. She understands the importance of looking your best.  
--------------------------------------------

(Rehearsal clip.)  
(LILAH sits at a table at the end of the dance floor, reading a newspaper and drinking a cup of coffee. ANGEL emerges from the restroom, wearing gym clothes, carrying a gym bag, and heading for the front door.)

**LILAH**  
You're going to the gym _again_?

**ANGEL**  
We're done for the day. And it's dark out.  
--------------------------------------------

**LILAH**  
(Interview.)  
He's a little extra self-conscious after those comments in the Results Show last time. He looked in the mirror a lot before, but now I'm wondering if he wouldn't rather just dance with his reflection than with me.  
--------------------------------------------

(Rehearsal clip.)  
(ANGEL leads LILAH into the swivels, staring into the mirror the whole time. As they turn away from the mirror, he cranes his neck around to try to see and trips himself.)

**ANGEL**  
Damn it!

**LILAH**  
It's your own damn fault! Try looking at you partner once in a while!

**ANGEL**  
I _was_!

**LILAH**  
A-ha! I knew it!

**ANGEL**  
No, I mean-- I was looking at-- do I look pale next to you?

**LILAH**  
Honey, you're a vampire. You look pale next to snow.  
--------------------------------------------

**ANGEL**  
(Interview.)  
I think Dru kind of freaks Lilah out. Guess that's understandable, after that whole locking-her-and-the-other-lawyers-in-the-room-with-Darla-and-Dru-in-a-feeding-frenzy thing. But at least I was able to cheer her up.  
--------------------------------------------

(Rehearsal clip.)  
(LILAH sits at a table, reading a newspaper and drinking coffee. ANGEL enters, carrying a gym bag.)

**LILAH**  
(Barely looking up). 'Mornin', partner. (Does a double-take.) What the--?

**ANGEL**  
Whaddaya think?

**LILAH**  
(Stands up and walks over to ANGEL.) You're-- you're-- (laughs.)

**ANGEL**  
Tan?

**LILAH**  
(Still giggling.) Orange.

**ANGEL**  
No, I can't be. I'm tan. The bottle said "No pumpkin skin or your money back."

**LILAH**  
You got a refund coming. If you're gonna use artificial tanning lotion, Sweetie, you gotta spring for the good stuff.

**ANGEL**  
(Reaches into his gym bag and pulls out a bottle of tanning lotion.) See, it says right here: "As good as the expensive stuff."

**LILAH**  
Angel, who are you gonna trust? A lawyer or an advertising executive?

(ANGEL pauses, considering.)

**LILAH**  
Okay, I know that's a poser, but come on.

**ANGEL**  
A lawyer. But just barely.  
--------------------------------------------

(Montage ends.)

**ANNOUNCER**  
Dancing the Mambo: Lilah Morgan and Angel!

(LILAH and ANGEL stand facing one another in the middle of the dance floor. She is wearing a knee-length, sleeveless pink dress, and he wears a black Latin shirt and pants. ANGEL points at the floor and steps deliberately through a basic Mambo pattern, as if trying to teach LILAH how to do it. LILAH tries it, and doesn't get it.)

("Johnny's Mambo" from "Dirty Dancing" plays.)

(ANGEL shows LILAH the pattern again, and this time she does better. He takes her into dance hold and they step slowly and carefully through the pattern. Succeeding at this, they repeat the pattern faster and faster until they are dancing at full speed, at which time ANGEL leads LILAH into a series of spins travelling down the floor.)

(Cut to backstage, where GUNN and CORDELIA sit on the couch.)

**GUNN**  
That kinda looked like me when we first started the Cha Cha.

**CORDELIA**  
It kinda looks like you now.

(Cut to ballroom. LILAH and ANGEL perform more intricate Mambo moves until ANGEL lands in a crouch, feet wide apart. He has both of LILAH's hands in his and leads her into a series of quick, sharp swivels moving first to the right, then to the left. ANGEL balances her swivels by swaying his hips back and forth.)

(Cut to backstage.)

**GUNN**  
Man, those swivels are tight! How come we didn't do any moves like that in our Latin dances?

**CORDELIA**  
Because you don't have hips, remember?

**GUNN**  
Why you gotta be hatin'? You bring a brother's confidence right down.

**CORDELIA**  
Got my game face on. _Nobody_ better get in my way, and that includes you.

**GUNN**  
Oh yeah, I forgot about that.

(Cut to ballroom. As the music nears its climax, ANGEL throws LILAH into a series of spins down the floor. Without touching her, he does Latin walks alongside her. Without stopping or even looking at him, LILAH suddenly does a full body drop. ANGEL catches her with one hand behind her back and the other stretched up over his head as he leans over her, looking into her eyes. The music ends, and the CROWD cheers.)

(ANGEL pulls LILAH up to her feet and walks her over to LORNE and the Judges' Table.)

**LORNE**  
Hot, hot, hot! And what an ending! Wes, what are we looking for in a Mambo?

**WESLEY**  
We're looking for sharp, staccato movement here as well, Lorne, but with sexy, Latin movements rather than the cat-like steps of Tango. We're looking for lots of hip action and we want to see a definite pause before breaking on the "two" count.

**LORNE**  
And did we see that here?

**WESLEY**  
We did, actually. (CROWD cheers.) This routine had no gimmicks, little "theme," just some nice, clean, crisp Mambo. Well done. (CROWD applauds.)

**LORNE**  
Wow, I actually get the feeling you would have said that even if you weren't trying to be Mr. Congeniality tonight. Oz, whaddaya say?

**OZ**  
Nice job.

**LORNE**  
Okay, and Drogyn?

**OZ**  
Hey, I wasn't finished!

**LORNE**  
What? Seriously? Okay, go ahead.

**OZ**  
Nah, I'm just messin' with ya'.

**LORNE**  
That's funny, 'cause the Host needs a little more stress in his life. Okay, Drogyn, what did you think?

**DROGYN**  
(Glares at LORNE again and sighs.) The opening sequence took a little too long to develop. Your dance didn't hit its stride until the second verse. The spin series at the end echoed the series at the beginning well without being repetitive. You broke precisely on "two" most of the time, except you lost it for a few measures during the bridge to the final chorus. While Angel's hip motion was adequate, it was not up to the standard for a teacher. In the third stanza, you--

**LORNE**  
Okay, okay. Just sum up.

**DROGYN**  
A well executed routine.

**LORNE**  
Good enough. (Motions LILAH and ANGEL off camera.) You two head on backstage. Two couples down, five to go, and the judges seemed pleased so far tonight. Will Lilah and Angel's scores reflect that? And will the other couples measure up? Find out when _DANCING WITH THE DEMONS_ returns!


	11. Episode 3, Pt 2

Title: Dancing With the Demons, Episode 3 (Part 2)  
Author: **redsrule1**  
Fandoms: Buffy, Angel, Dancing With the Stars  
Rating: PG  
Disclaimer: I didn't make up the characters, the music, the shows, or the dances. I just live them sometimes.  
Pairings: Gen  
Characters: Just about everyone  
Author's Notes: Thanks to **yourlibrarian** for the beta.  
Summary: Nine couples, ONE winner, and you choose who becomes the champion!

**LORNE**  
And we're back, to _DANCING WITH THE DEMONS_! Before the break, Lilah and Angel danced a hot, hot Mambo for us. Now it's time to see how hot the judges' scores are.

**ANNOUNCER**  
The judges have their scores. Drogyn the Battlebrand?

**DROGYN**  
Eight.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Wesley Wyndam-Price?

**WESLEY**  
Eight.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Daniel Osbourne?

**OZ**  
Eight.

(Cut to backstage, where LILAH and ANGEL stand with ILLYRIA. GUNN and CORDELIA sit on the couch in the background.)

**ILLYRIA**  
The judges have given you a twenty-four. This puts you in last place.

**ANGEL**  
Hey, only one other couple has danced so far.

**ILLYRIA**  
And they scored better than you by one point. This puts you in last place.

**ANGEL**  
But not for long.

**ILLYRIA**  
That remains to be seen.

**LILAH**  
Well, there's no way the other five couples are all gonna score better than twenty-four.

**ILLYRIA**  
You are probably correct. But as we have dismissed the only one among us with The Sight, there is no way to know that for certain.

**CORDELIA**  
_I_ have The Sight.

**ILLYRIA**  
(Eyes CORDELIA suspiciously.) Do you? You have not mentioned this previously.

**CORDELIA**  
Saw no reason to.

**ILLYRIA**  
If you have The Sight, then you can tell us if these two will remain in last place.

(Cut to LORNE)

**LORNE**  
Well done! Next up, they finished sixth with their Cha Cha, and fourth with their Rumba. Can they continue their climb with the tango? Here's Gunn and Cordelia!

(Cut to montage.)  
--------------------------------------------

**ANNOUNCER**  
Round Two saw an improvement over their first round scores.  
--------------------------------------------

(Episode clip.)  
(GUNN and CORDELIA stand at the Judges' Table with LORNE.)

**WESLEY**  
Your hard work is evident and tonight you've shown me that you could last if you keep it up.  
--------------------------------------------

**ANNOUNCER**  
Can they maintain their rise with their Tango?  
--------------------------------------------

**GUNN**  
(Interview.)  
Now this is what I'm talkin' about! The other dances were cool, but now I finally get to do one of the tuxedo dances! I was gonna be mad if we got eliminated before I got a chance to wear a tux. And I want a number. I wanna wear a number on my back like they do on TV.  
--------------------------------------------

(Rehearsal clip.)  
(GUNN and CORDELIA standing in a dance studio.)

**CORDELIA**  
Absolutely not!

**GUNN**  
Why not? It would be cool!

**CORDELIA**  
It would be ridiculous!

**GUNN**  
It would be sweet!

**CORDELIA**  
It would be hideous. And besides, you're not even gonna be wearing a tux!

**GUNN**  
_WHAT?_  
--------------------------------------------

**CORDELIA**  
(Interview.)  
Gunn's pretty excited about doing the Tango. And it's about time I don't have to worry about his hips. Why should I have to worry about him all the time anyway? Why should I be penalized because _he_ can't do something? It's not fair. They should have solo categories like they do in figure skating. They should also let me have more input on my costumes. Did you see that supposed "Latin" dress they had me in last week? Who ever heard of a long-skirted Latin dress?  
--------------------------------------------

(Backstage clip.)  
(CORDELIA enters the wardrobe room for the show. An 50-something woman, a 20-something woman, and a man who's probably closer to 40 but looks as if he'd still rather be closer to 20, all look up from the clothes they are working on.)

**CORDELIA**  
(Flashing her Oscar smile.) Hi, girls! Oh, and Craig! It's me!

**OLDER WOMAN**  
(To YOUNGER WOMAN) Oh God, it's her.

**YOUNGER WOMAN**  
(Forcing a smile.) What can we do for you today, Cor--

**CORDELIA**  
(Hunching uninvited over the YOUNGER WOMAN's shoulder.) Whaddaya got for me this week, Christy? (Picks up dress.) This looks pretty. I like that high slit.

**CHRISTY**  
I'm not working on you this week. This is for Buffy. Dottie's got you.

(DOTTIE scowls at CHRISTY, who gives her an apologetic smile and shoulder shrug.)

**CORDELIA**  
(Her bright, toothy smile fades into a half-sneer as she unceremoniously drops the dress back onto the sewing table.) Really? Are you sure you want to show that much leg? I mean, seriously. Sticks. Am I right, Craig?

**CRAIG**  
I didn't design it.

**CORDELIA**  
Oh, I could tell you didn't! Your designs are always so good! I could tell you didn't design my Latin dress last week, either. Between you and me, I mean, come on, a full-length Latin dress? You're supposed to show it off in Latin, and baby, I got it to show off! You know what I mean, don't you, Craig? But they covered it up. And they gave Faith, of all people, the sheer dress. Who wants to see that skank in a sheer dress? What were they thinking? Do you wanna see Faith in a sheer dress, Craig?

**CRAIG**  
Not particularly.

**CORDELIA**  
See, ladies? Take it from a man. Buffy? Faith? A real man doesn't want to see them in revealing outfits. He wants to see a real woman like me in a skimpy outfit, don't you, Craig? So who's got me this week?

**CRAIG and CHRISTY**  
(In unison, pointing at DOTTIE.) Dottie!

**CORDELIA**  
Dottie! My favorite! I should have known. How are you, Sweetie? You got a nice sexy dress for me this week, right hon? (Picks up the dress DOTTIE is working on. Pins fall out and a strap comes loose.) Black, huh? I can do black. (Points to above her hip.) Maybe with a slit up to here and I can wear black hose-- or maybe fishnet. (Plops dress back down on DOTTIE's table.) Not like that thing I wore last week, huh?

**DOTTIE**  
_I_ designed th--

**CORDELIA**  
Oh, and one more thing, Dottie. Gunn might be in here asking you to put him in a tux and put a number on his back. But we have kind of a comedy routine this week, so it wouldn't go. I know he can be kind of annoying sometimes, but he can also be persistent, so just ignore him and I'll try to keep him out of your hair so you can get your work done, okay? 'Kay. Thanks! (Blows kiss and leaves the room.)  
--------------------------------------------

**GUNN**  
(Interview)  
But Tango's harder than I expected. And you're supposed to dance in body contact with your right hip bone in her belly button, and that gets kinda uncomfortable, especially since I dress to the right if you know what I mean. Cordy's great an' all, and well, I could do worse in this afterlife, but I don't wanna be givin' out free samples, y'know? Besides, that position can get dangerous for a guy.  
--------------------------------------------

(Rehearsal clip.)  
(GUNN and CORDELIA dancing in a studio. They stop abruptly.)

**GUNN**  
(Hunching over.) OW!

**CORDELIA**  
What?

**GUNN**  
Wait a minute! (Turns his back to CORDELIA and the camera.)

**CORDELIA**  
What are you doing?

**GUNN**  
Is the camera on?

**CORDELIA**  
(Looks at the camera.) Yeah.

**GUNN**  
Then I can't tell you.  
--------------------------------------------

**CORDELIA**  
(Interview.)  
The body contact was a little disruptive. He kept shiftin' around. Like I've never felt one before. I mean, why should he get all uptight about a little thing like that?  
--------------------------------------------

(Montage ends.)

**ANNOUNCER**  
Dancing the Tango: Charles Gunn and Cordelia Chase!

(GUNN stands in the middle of the dance floor wearing a tuxedo with tail coat, and with the number "10" on his back.)

("The Addams Family" theme song begins to play.)

(GUNN clasps his right hand to his chest and extends his left arm out to the side, and starts to step in the direction of his outstretched arm, pretending to dance. A three-foot high mound of hair waddles onto the stage, wearing sunglasses and a derby hat. GUNN dances to the foot of the stairs and reaches his hands out toward the creature, inviting Itt to join him in a dance. At this point, CORDELIA springs up from a crouch, throwing off the "Cousin Itt" costume and leaping off of the stage into GUNN's arms in one motion. CORDELIA is dressed in a black dress which is long in the back but short in the front, and wears black fishnet stockings. They take dance hold and break into some standard Tango moves.)

(Cut to backstage, where SEBASSIS and WILLOW sit on the couch.)

**WILLOW**  
I knew it was just a matter of time before she started to dress like a _professional_.

**SEBASSIS**  
(A tiny pleased smile crosses his mouth.) You truly _have_ adopted a winning attitude, my dear.

(Cut to dance floor. GUNN leads CORDELIA into a checking motion then gives her a twist as he steps sharply forward with his right foot. This pops her right leg out away from him and she kicks it high, then circles it in a rondé. The front of her dress tumbles down to full length, matching the back.)

(Cut to backstage.)

**WILLOW**  
To vote for Cordelia, dial 1-800-I'm a--

(Cut to ballroom.)

(GUNN steps backward into a lunge, keeping his right foot pointed in front of him. CORDELIA slides down his body and outstretched leg, until she lands on the floor in an extended line as the music ends. She quickly and almost imperceptibly moves some fabric to reveal her outstretched leg. The CROWD cheers.)

(GUNN stands and helps CORDELIA to her feet, and they walk up to the Judges' Table and LORNE.)

**LORNE**  
That was quite a finish there. Don't forget your Tribble, though.

(CORDELIA's smile to LORNE falters for a moment. GUNN laughs and runs to pick up CORDELIA's "Cousin Itt" costume, then returns.)

**LORNE cont.**  
So let's see what the judges thought. Drogyn, you go first.

**DROGYN**  
It was an enjoyable routine, well danced. (CROWD cheers.) I wasn't sure what was going on with the dress there, but it didn't really detract from the overall effect.

**CORDELIA**  
Well I told Dottie I wanted a short dress, so I pinned it up before we went on, but I guess it didn't hold. You might wanna check for pins on the floor.

**LORNE**  
We'll do that. Drogyn, that's it? No glissandos in the thirty-fourth measure?

**DROGYN**  
That's because you finally did not ask me what I thought. I think many things. I don't always say them all unless--

**LORNE**  
Yeah, okay, I get the picture. I think I'll be more careful about my word choice, what do you think?

**DROGYN**  
(Sighs and glares at LORNE.) I think that it has taken you an inordinate amount of time to reach that conclusion. I would have thought that you'd have realized that after the first mistake you made, and I actually cannot believe that you just--

**LORNE**  
Okay, okay! Case in point. How about you, Mr. Congeniality?

**WESLEY**  
I think you should have figured that out sooner, as well.

**OZ**  
Yeah, I was wonderin'.

**LORNE**  
_About the dance_, smartass.

**WESLEY**  
(Smiling, pleased with his own joke.) It was a better dance than your Latin dances. (CROWD applauds.) I think you enjoy that macho Tango image.

**GUNN**  
Got that right.

**LORNE**  
And you, Oz? Surely you have a word or two to contribute.

**OZ**  
Watch out for heel leads. Tango uses the heel as you step forward. You missed a lot of them. (CROWD boos. OZ looks at WESLEY.) You're right, that's no fun.

**LORNE**  
All right. And by the way, Gunn, is there any significance to the number on your back?

**GUNN**  
That's the score we want from the judges!

**LORNE**  
(Motioning for GUNN and CORDELIA to go backstage.) I should have guessed. Well, we'll have to see if the power of suggestion works on these guys. Let's go backstage now, to Illyria.

(Cut to backstage. ILLYRIA stands with GUNN and CORDELIA. SEBASSIS and WILLOW sit on the couch in the background.)

**ILLYRIA**  
There is now a superior intelligence lodged in the Bespectacled One's entrails?

**GUNN**  
What?

**CORDELIA**  
First of all, why are you calling him that, and secondly, what does that have to do with us?

**ILLYRIA**  
I have been advised to choose an adopted name for Judge Wesley as this seems to be the custom. As to your second question, it pertains to you not at all as I have little interest in conversing with you other than--

**CORDELIA**  
You know, I've had just about enough--

**GUNN**  
Down, girl. Don't take it personal. Illyria here doesn't have much interest in conversing with _anybody_.

**ILLYRIA**  
Charles Gunn is correct. I hold you in no more contempt than any of the other vermin infesting this world. However, you interrupted me, a sin I'd advise you not to commit a second time. You claim to have The Sight. To prove this, you will now tell me what scores you are about to receive.

**CORDELIA**  
It doesn't work that way.

**GUNN**  
She doesn't get visions on demand. They're sorta random.

**ILLYRIA**  
Then since you have failed your test, we shall hear the judges announce the scores themselves.

(Cut to Judges' Table.)

**ANNOUNCER**  
Will the judges please reveal their scores? Drogyn The Battlebrand?

**DROGYN**  
Eight.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Wesley Wyndam-Price?

**WESLEY**  
Eight.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Daniel Osbourne?

**OZ**  
Seven.

(Cut to backstage.)

**ILLYRIA**  
The judges have assigned you a score of twenty-three, which now puts you in last place. Did you forsee your last place finish?

**CORDELIA**  
I foresee my fist and your face.

**ILLYRIA**  
An empty threat does not qualify you as a Seer. I did not suppose that you truly were, otherwise what point would there have been in you entering this competition in the first place?

**GUNN**  
Unless we're the winners.

**ILLYRIA**  
(Cocks her head and frowns.) That is true, Charles Gunn. (Narrows her eyes and looks at CORDELIA.) What have you foreseen?

**CORDELIA**  
Why, what are you afraid I've seen?

**ILLYRIA**  
Nothing. It is time to return the program to the Host.

(Cut to LORNE.)

**LORNE**  
No, don't mind us. We've only got four more couples to get through, we can wait. But our next couple can't. They were in the Bottom Two last time. Will they avoid it this time? It's Sebassis and Willow.

(Cut to montage.)  
--------------------------------------------

**ANNOUNCER**  
Last episode, Sebassis and Willow found themselves in the Bottom Two.  
--------------------------------------------

(Episode clip.)  
(A red spotlight hits SEBASSIS and WILLOW. Her eyes grow wide as she sucks in a deep breath and holds it nervously. SEBASSIS' head is raised and his eyes are narrowed regally.)

**LORNE**  
You are in the Bottom Two.  
--------------------------------------------

**ANNOUNCER**  
Will they be able to bounce back?  
--------------------------------------------

**SEBASSIS**  
(Interview.)  
Being close to elimination seems to have given Miss Rosenberg extra drive and focus.  
--------------------------------------------

(Rehearsal clip.)  
(SEBASSIS sits at a table in the dance studio, sipping from a glass. The SLAVE is putting a cork back into his arm, and ARTODE stands nearby.)

(WILLOW bursts into the room.)

**WILLOW**  
All right, get up! Let's get goin'! You're not gonna win this thing sittin' around drinkin' slave juice!

(SEBASSIS freezes, startled, his cup raised halfway to his mouth, an eyebrow raised curiously. ARTODE looks menacingly at WILLOW, and the SLAVE's eyes are wide.)

**WILLOW**  
Come on, let's go! We got lots of work to do! (To camera) I can't believe I just said "slave juice" without flinching. Yargh.  
--------------------------------------------

**WILLOW**  
(Interview.)  
I've faced demons, vampires, monsters, and Cordelia. But when that red light hit me, that was the scariest thing ever. It was a wake-up call.  
--------------------------------------------

(Rehearsal clip.)  
(SEBASSIS and WILLOW practicing, ARTODE and the SLAVE play cards at one of the tables.)

**WILLOW**  
(Stopping the dance.) No, no, no!

**SEBASSIS**  
I'm sorry, wasn't it supposed to be the left foot?

**WILLOW**  
Yes, but your _other_ left foot! Let's do it again! We've only got three more days to get it right! (Sees ARTODE and the SLAVE.) And what are you two doing lazing around? You! Get over there and give him more juice! And you! Get over there! That camera's not gonna block itself! Go!  
--------------------------------------------

**SEBASSIS**  
(Interview.)  
She seemed to be taking things rather personally, as if she feels that a poor critique of her dancing is equivalent to a poor critique of her personality. I think it has forced her to tap into something deep inside her that she otherwise would not bring out.  
--------------------------------------------

(Rehearsal clip.)  
(SEBASSIS and WILLOW talking in a dance studio.)

**SEBASSIS**  
You don't have to do that, you know.

**WILLOW**  
I'm through foolin' around. No more Mr. Nice Witch. -- or Warlock. --or Ms. Nice Witch. No more! Do you want to win or not?

**SEBASSIS**  
Very well.  
--------------------------------------------

**WILLOW**  
We worked extra-hard this week on that Tango. And Sebassis did a good job, except --well, you know how Tango is real sharp and you have those quick head snaps an' all? Horns make that really scary.  
--------------------------------------------

(Rehearsal clip.)  
(SEBASSIS and WILLOW dancing. ARTODE and the SLAVE stand at the ready by the side of the floor. SEBASSIS and WILLOW stop dancing right in front of them.)

**WILLOW**  
Okay, here would be where you snap your head back and forth.

**SEBASSIS**  
Like so? (Emphatically turns his head first right, then left. His horn strikes the side of WILLOW's head.)

**WILLOW**  
Aaaah! (Ducks.)

(ARTODE and the SLAVE step forward to assist.)

**SEBASSIS**  
(Turning his head quickly back to look at WILLOW, and striking the SLAVE with his horn as he does so.) What happened?

**SLAVE**  
Oww!

(WILLOW starts to stand upright but ducks again as SEBASSIS turns his head to look at the SLAVE.)

**SEBASSIS**  
What?

(SEBASSIS notices that WILLOW is crouched on the floor, and bends over to help her up. ARTODE does the same.)

**WILLOW**  
No, just stand up and stop shaking your head!

(Confused, SEBASSIS tries to stand up quickly, attempting to regain some dignity.)

**SEBASSIS**  
I'm sorry, but I thought you asked me to--

**ARTODE**  
Unnnnh.

**SEBASSIS**  
Artode, what are you doing? Let me stand!

(ARTODE stands erect, an action which yanks SEBASSIS' head up as well. SEBASSIS' left horn is lodged in ARTODE's right shoulder.)

**WILLOW**  
Oh my God!

**SEBASSIS**  
What's going on? Why can't I move my head? Wait-- now why is my head moving from side to side?

**WILLOW**  
Artode, I think you'd better sit down-- (SEBASSIS' head is jerked backward.) NOT YET! Wait a minute -- Slave, go-- do you even _have_ a real name?

**SLAVE**  
My master calls me "Slave" so that is my name.

**SEBASSIS**  
(Impatiently) What is going on?

**WILLOW**  
Oh, right! Go to the kitchenette, there's some bandages in the cabinet over the sink. (SEBASSIS tries to step forward, is unable to.) NOT YOU! (To SLAVE) Go!

(The SLAVE runs to the kitchenette, as WILLOW grabs SEBASSIS' horn in one hand and places the other hand on ARTODE's chest, then pulls and pushes until the horn is freed. WILLOW presses one hand over the wound and leads ARTODE to sit down in a chair. The SLAVE returns with a bandage and WILLOW begins to dress the wound.)

**SEBASSIS**  
Oh, I see. Perhaps I did not fully consider the consequences of having my horns sharpened yesterday.  
--------------------------------------------

**WILLOW**  
(Interview.)  
I'm kinda hoping we'll get to do Paso Doble, 'cause that's about bullfighting and, you know, horns. (Puts her fists on either side of her head and points her index fingers, simulating horns.)  
--------------------------------------------

**ARTODE**  
(Interview.)  
(Right arm in a sling, he reads from a paper he holds in his left hand.) "I, Artode, recognize the risks inherent in any dance competition and do not hold the participants or crew of the show, its producers, the network, or its affiliates responsible for my injury. I also hereby release the Watchers' Council and Wolfram & Hart from any and all claims, now and in perpetuity."  
--------------------------------------------

**WILLOW**  
(Interview.)  
We'll be around for the Paso Doble. (Points to her "Resolved Face".) I am _not_ gonna be the next one to go home!  
--------------------------------------------

(Montage ends.)

**ANNOUNCER**  
Dancing the Tango, The Archduke Sebassis and Willow Rosenberg!

(WILLOW stands in the middle of the dance floor wearing a white blouse and a brown jumper)

("Temptation" begins to play.)

(SEBASSIS enters at the top of the stage, wearing a tuxedo with tail coat. WILLOW turns her head to look at him, then turns it away again. SEBASSIS decends the steps down to the dance floor, and beckons to WILLOW with his fingers. WILLOW shakes her head, putting her hands up to shield him from her gaze.)

(SEBASSIS continues to beckon to her as he comes closer, until he finally grabs her by the shoulders and sways her side to side as he gazes into her eyes, enthralling her. He releases her and sways side to side much like Fred Astaire, and WILLOW matches his movements. Suddenly he reaches out and pulls her to him, takes her into dance hold and dances her into some Tango moves.)

(SEBASSIS rolls WILLOW out to the side, then back in, then out again. Each time, WILLOW shields her face from him with her free hand. He rolls her back in once more and this time grabs her outfit and pulls. The clothes tear away to reveal a long sleeved black leotard. WILLOW simultaneously grabs her hair, pulls it over her face, than off of her head, revealing her actual hair, dyed black, underneath, and leaving black veins drawn on her face.)

(They take dance hold again and dance more risque moves, with lots of sharp snaps and turns. As the music nears its climax, they begin to spin in place, still in dance hold, faster and faster until the music hits its final chord, when SEBASSIS drops to one knee and WILLOW freezes, facing the judges, both hands in front of her and fingers spread wide, as if casting a spell. The CROWD delays for a second, then cheers.)

(The SLAVE emerges from backstage to retrieve the discarded costuming and disappears again as SEBASSIS escorts WILLOW to the Judges' Table and LORNE.)

**LORNE**  
Oh, my goodness! That was an interesting Tango-- and kinda creepy! You even had the audience speechless for a moment! And here's another guy who's often speechless: Oz?

**OZ**  
I'm rarely _speechless_. I just use an economy of words.

**LORNE**  
The result is the same. So whaddaya think?

**OZ**  
It kinda troubled me. Seemed a little close to home. But the dancing was pretty good although you were missin' some heel leads, too. (CROWD boos.)

**LORNE**  
Okay. At least you tied the record of three sentences from Oz. Drogyn, please summarize the highlights of your thoughts on this routine.

**DROGYN**  
(Nods.) All in all, an adequate routine and a commendable effort. (CROWD cheers. DROGYN looks at them, momentarily startled.) However, my colleague was correct when he said that heel leads were lacking, and may I also add that there was too much movement in the frame. (CROWD boos. DROGYN scowls at them, then continues, somewhat distractedly.) Your arms need to remain steady.

**LORNE**  
All right, then. And now for Mr. Congeniality.

**WESLEY**  
First of all, I'm wondering how you made the veins appear.

**WILLOW**  
Water-activated makeup. I had a moist cloth inside the wig.

**WESLEY**  
Very clever. Well, I must say, the routine was a bit disturbing, given what I know of your past, but all in all an enjoyable routine. (CROWD cheers.)

**LORNE**  
All right. You two go backstage and talk to Illyria. (SEBASSIS and WILLOW step off camera.) So, Wes, you got anything to say about the heel leads? The unsteady frame?

**WESLEY**  
No. Nothing at all, Lorne. (CROWD applauds.)

**LORNE**  
Uh huh. You're not gonna make it through this whole program.

**WESLEY**  
I'm enjoying my sixty minutes of popularity, Lorne.

**LORNE**  
Enjoy it while it lasts. Illyria?

(Cut to backstage. ILLYRIA stands with SEBASSIS and WILLOW. HARMONY and GILES sit on the couch in the background.)

**ILLYRIA**  
That routine was acceptable to me. Its subject matter pleased me.

**SEBASSIS**  
Coming from you, your grace, that is a compliment.

**ILLYRIA**  
(To WILLOW) What does Mr. Congeniality know about your past that disturbs him?

**WILLOW**  
(Frowns.) "Mr. Congeniality?"

**ILLYRIA**  
Yes. I, too, do not like this "Congeniality" person he is attempting to emulate.

**WILLOW**  
If you're gonna have a pet name for him, you should try something other than that.

**ILLYRIA**  
"Pet" name?

**WILLOW**  
Yeah. Like-- like-- "Honey Bear" or-- or "Sweet Baboo."

(GILES snorts.)

**HARMONY**  
Or like "Blondie Bear!" --But you can't use that one 'cause it's taken.

**ILLYRIA**  
I will take that under advisement. Meanwhile, you will take the judges' scores under advisement.

(Cut to Judges' Table.)

**ANNOUNCER**  
The judges have their scores. Drogyn The Battlebrand?

**DROGYN**  
Seven.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Wesley Wyndam-Price?

**WESLEY**  
Eight.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Daniel Osbourne?

**OZ**  
Seven.

(Cut to backstage.)

**ILLYRIA**  
You have received a score of twenty-two, which now puts you in last place.

**WILLOW**  
Maybe twenty-two is our lucky number. We've gotten it every round.

**SEBASSIS**  
We are truly consistent.

**ILLYRIA**  
But you are not improving.

**WILLOW**  
But we're not getting worse!

**ILLYRIA**  
Constistent mediocrity is hardly a meaningful source of pride. Improve, or be gone.

**SEBASSIS**  
We shall heed your words, eminence.

**ILLYRIA**  
See that you do. You are dismissed. (Looks at the camera.) You are dismissed as well.

(Cut to LORNE)

**LORNE**  
Did I see an actual segue back there from our Co-Host? There's hope yet! Anyway, our next couple went from the bottom two to the top two. It's Harmony and Giles!

(Cut to montage.)  
--------------------------------------------  
**ANNOUNCER**  
Last week, their Quickstep inspired a good review from even the hardest judge!  
--------------------------------------------

(Episode clip.)  
(HARMONY and GILES stand with LORNE at the Judges' Table.)

**WESLEY**  
(Wearing HARMONY's red feather boa around his neck.) Your footwork was impeccable, and you kept the smooth parts flowing. Well done!  
--------------------------------------------

**ANNOUNCER**  
Was it a flash in the pan or can they build on their success?  
--------------------------------------------

**HARMONY**  
(Squeals.) Oh, my God! That was so great getting such a good score last week! I think I've really grown as a dancer! And as a person. And our partnership has grown. I feel like Giles really trusts me now!  
--------------------------------------------

(Rehearsal clip.)  
(GILES lies asleep on a couch in the kitchenette. HARMONY stands beside the couch, bent over and closely looking at him. She is in vamp face and has blood on her lips and holds a mug.)

**HARMONY**  
Gilesie? Are you asleep? You told me to wake you up at 2:30. Rest period's over.

**GILES**  
(Sleepily) Yes. What? Yes. (Opens his eyes, sees HARMONY.) Auuggh!

(GILES sits bolt upright, cracking his head into HARMONY's as he does so.)

**HARMONY**  
(Staggering backwards, and spilling the contents of her mug.) Ow!

(GILES reaches under the couch for a cross and holds it out.)

**HARMONY cont.**  
What are you doing? Where'd you get that?

**GILES**  
(Feels his neck and looks at his hand, now with blood on it.) Look! Blood!

**HARMONY**  
(Returning to regular face.) Yeah, you made me spill my drink!  
--------------------------------------------

**GILES**  
(Interview.)  
I was pleased with how we performed in the previous round. It was definitely an improvement over our showing in Round One. But I fear that our improvement wasn't so much a matter of fitting Harmony to the dance as it was a matter of fitting the dance to Harmony. It may have been as much coincidence as skill. I'm afraid the Mambo may not suit her um, _personality_ quite as well as the Quickstep did. I wanted to get across to her the idea that one needs to control one's emotions and channel that energy into excellence in performance. So we volunteered to go on a publicity junket to see a football --er, _soccer_ game. And fortunately, David Beckham now plays for the local club. If anyone can show her skill and finesse in an athletic endeavor, and competitive ballroom dancing is most certainly that, it would be Beckham. A learning opportunity for Harmony, and a treat for me to see as well. She appeared to be interested, and to understand, so I think it was time well spent.  
--------------------------------------------

(Rehearsal Clip)  
(HARMONY and GILES are at an L.A. Galaxy soccer game, in the stands.)

**STADIUM P.A. ANNOUNCER**  
Please rise as we honor America with our national anthem.

(BOTH stand. HARMONY begins to sing as the "Star Spangled Banner" begins to play. GILES remains silent.)

**HARMONY**  
(Quietly to GILES) Why aren't you singing?

**GILES**  
(Cups his hand to his ear to hear her over the music) I'm British.

**HARMONY**  
(Cupping her hand over her ear to hear him) So?

**GILES**  
So it may surprise you to learn that most of the world doesn't sing this anthem. At least, not yet, anyway. In Britian, for instance, we still sing "God Save The Queen."

**HARMONY**  
"Something by Queen?" Just _any_ song by Queen?

**GILES**  
What? "God Save The Queen." Yes.  
--------------------------------------------

**HARMONY**  
(Interview.)  
He took me to some boring soccer game one night when he got tired of practicing. I guess he's trying to bond with me, to make our dance partnership stronger, so I went along with it. He kept trying to explain the game to me but I was bored so I just nodded and ignored him and tried to figure out what I was gonna wear tomorrow. But he's English so he likes stuff like soccer, and books, you know, _boring_ stuff. Did you know they don't sing the National Anthem in England? They sing some other song by Queen, instead. I never knew that. It must be weird growing up in some other country and never getting to sing the National Anthem and be patriotic. Anyway, I decided to wear the pink camisole and Giles thought it really helped our practicing so it was a good choice.  
--------------------------------------------

(Rehearsal clip.)  
(HARMONY and GILES dancing in a dance studio. They stop, obviously tired.)

**GILES**  
Well done, Harmony. But we'd best go through it once more to make sure we've got it.

**HARMONY**  
(Sighs.) Again? Then can we skip working on the hips today?

**GILES**  
I'm afraid not. You were forty-five minutes late today, and that's thrown us off schedule.

**HARMONY**  
Well, it's not _my_ fault! I had decided to wear the pink camisole last night, but then this morning I was kinda in a blue sorta mood, so I thought maybe I should wear the blue one instead but then I thought if I'm already blue, the blue one will just make me bluer so I should wear the pink one to cheer me up and it worked 'cause I got the step right!

**GILES**  
Truly the color of your clothing has a significant impact upon the efficacy of our practices.

**HARMONY**  
Exactly! See, you get it! (Gives GILES a hug.) Most men wouldn't understand unless they're gay. But you're British so it's okay and I know that's why you used that one word I didn't understand. Bohemian Rhapsody forever!  
-------------------------------------------

**GILES**  
(Interview.)  
Although I've tried to make it clear that there will be nothing between us, I think we can use that flirtatiousness to our advantage for the Mambo.  
--------------------------------------------

(Rehearsal clip)  
(HARMONY and GILES sit on the couch in the kitchenette. The TV is on in the background, but GILES is not watching it.)

**GILES**  
Ahem.

(HARMONY stares transfixed at the TV.)

**GILES**  
Er, Harmony?

**HARMONY**  
(Still looking at TV.) Uh huh?

**GILES**  
Erm, about that hug yesterday

**HARMONY**  
Omigod! Did I squeeze too hard? I didn't mean to use my vampire super-strength!

**GILES**  
No, it's perfectly all right. It's just that-- I know that the Latin dances can get quite risque, and, well, that sort of thing shouldn't be going on. Perhaps if I were younger--

**HARMONY**  
Oh, I _totally_ understand! I'll make sure that doesn't happen again! But really, I'm not sure you could handle it even if you _weren't_ so old.

**GILES**  
Ahem. Er, yes, quite. Too-- too much for me to handle. Precisely. I-- it's not you, it's me.  
--------------------------------------------

**GILES**  
(Interview.)  
I just hope they've chosen the proper colour for her dance costume this week.  
--------------------------------------------

**ANNOUNCER**  
Dancing the Mambo: Harmony Kendall and Rupert Giles!

(GILES stands alone in the middle of the floor. He wears a grey suit that is a couple of inches too short in the legs and jacket sleeves, a bow tie, white socks, and black dance shoes. His hair is greased back like Pee Wee Herman's, and he wears black, thick-framed glasses. He takes a couple steps in various directions, as if trying to figure out what is going on.)

("Tequila" by The Champs plays.)

(GILES begins to dance awkwardly, bending slightly at the waist and pumping his fists twice in front of him then twice behind him, and continues alternating front to back as he takes one step forward for every two fist pumps.)

(HARMONY walks onto the stage and strikes a sexy pose, one hand on her hip and one on the back of her head. She is wearing a revealing red two-piece outfit, with a piece of sheer red material trailing from one side of her waistband, and red, high-heeled shoes. GILES, still slightly bent at the waist, stops and gawks at her, letting his arms fall limp in front of him. HARMONY flits down from the stage and grabs the sheer material in her hand. Flirting with GILES, she drapes the material over his head. GILES just stands with mouth gaping. After a bit more flirting, HARMONY grabs GILES' shoulders from behind and straightens him up, then walks in front of him and places his right hand on her bare back. GILES turns away and covers his eyes, grinning shyly from ear to ear. HARMONY repeats the action, this time suceeding in getting into dance hold. She wiggles her hips suggestively, and GILES mimics her. His hips continue to wiggle, leading him into dancing some Mambo moves.

(Cut to backstage, where XANDER and ANYA sit on the couch.)

**XANDER**  
(Covering his eyes.) Oh my God, I can't watch that!

**ANYA**  
Watch what?

**XANDER**  
Giles' hips. You shouldn't see a librarian moving like that. It's-- just wrong.

**ANYA**  
After seeing Sebassis in that speedo in Round One, I don't think anything else we could possibly see would be more disturbing.

**XANDER**  
No. This is worse. It's like walking in on your parents having-- I can't even say it. Don't wanna picture Giles--

**ANYA**  
"Intercourse?"

**XANDER**  
Gyaaah! Geez! Don't! An' I thought walking in on him singing was bad enough!

(GILES leads HARMONY in a series of turns, then they do a series of hip grinds with each other.)

(Cut to backstage.)

**XANDER**  
(Covers his eyes again.) I knew I shouldn'ta looked. Tell me when it's over.

(Cut to ballroom.)  
(HARMONY and GILES dance a couple more Mambo moves, then she gives him a peck on the cheek and starts to strut away. GILES covers the kiss with his hand, with a surprised expression on his face. HARMONY stops at the foot of the stage stairs and turns to face GILES and the audience, striking her opening pose as she does so. GILES runs up to her and jumps into her arms, and she catches him in a cradle hold as the music ends. The CROWD cheers.)

(HARMONY carries GILES to the Judges' Table and LORNE.)

**LORNE**  
I'm sure there's lots of guys in the audience who would like to be you right now, Giles!

(The masculine part of the CROWD cheers, and a wolf whistle sounds. A feminine squeal is heard.)

**LORNE**  
Not sure I wanna know about that one!

**GILES**  
(Looking at the audience.) I do.

**OZ**  
Me too.

**WESLEY**  
And me.

**DROGYN**  
I, too, would be interested to know where that came from.

**LORNE**  
Okay, you guys, stop drooling. Harm, you can probably set him down now, Sweetcakes.

**HARMONY**  
Oh. (Sets GILES down.)

**LORNE**  
Okay Drogyn, just the Cliff's Notes version.

**DROGYN**  
"Cliff's Notes?"

**LORNE**  
The main points.

**DROGYN**  
Oh. It was an entertaining routine. (CROWD cheers. DROGYN smiles.) However, I was distracted by the fact that you were often breaking on the "1" instead of the "2" beat. (CROWD boos. DROGYN frowns.) It was also too bouncy for a Mambo. (CROWD boos. DROGYN stands threateningly. The CROWD falls silent.)

**OZ**  
(To WESLEY) Maybe that's what you should have done, Dude.

**WESLEY**  
Perhaps. Do you think it would have that same effect?

**OZ**  
No.

**LORNE**  
Okay, down boy. Wes, what do you say?

**WESLEY**  
It was a fun routine. (CROWD cheers.) And I enjoyed seeing Rupert play-- er--

**GILES**  
You?

**WESLEY**  
--so true to his own nature.

**GILES**  
(Nodding and smiling.) Well done.

**LORNE**  
Okay, Oz, how about you?

**OZ**  
He's right about the "2" and the bounce. It's just not a Mambo if you're breaking on the "1".

**LORNE**  
(Motions HARMONY and GILES backstage.) Some mixed reviews on the Mambo. How will that afftect their score? And there're two couples still to come when we return to _DANCING WITH THE DEMONS_

(Short, four-bar theme music plays to the break.)


	12. Episode 3, Pt 3

Title: Dancing With the Demons, Episode 3 (Part 3)  
Author: **redsrule1**  
Fandoms: Buffy, Angel, Dancing With the Stars  
Rating: PG  
Disclaimer: I didn't make up the characters, the music, the shows, or the dances. I just live them sometimes.  
Pairings: Gen  
Characters: Just about everyone  
Author's Notes: Thanks to **yourlibrarian** for the beta.  
Summary: Nine couples, ONE winner, and you choose who becomes the champion!

**Dancing With The Demons  
Episode Three, Part Three**

(Short, four-bar version of the show's theme music plays as we return from the break.)

**LORNE**  
Welcome back, to _DANCING WITH THE DEMONS_! Harmony and Giles have just finished their Mambo and it's time now to see how the judges scored them!

**ANNOUNCER**  
Will the judges please reveal their scores? Drogyn The Battlebrand?

**DROGYN**  
Six. (CROWD boos cautiously.)

**ANNOUNCER**  
Wesley Wyndam-Price?

**WESLEY**  
Seven. (CROWD groans.)

**ANNOUNCER**  
Daniel Osbourne?

**OZ**  
Six. (CROWD boos.)

(Cut to backstage where HARMONY and GILES stand with ILLYRIA. XANDER and ANYA sit on the couch in the background. XANDER is covering his eyes with his hand.)

**ILLYRIA**  
Your Mambo has been rated a nineteen by the judges. This is not the first time you have been rated so poorly. You are obviously not putting sufficient time and effort into preparing for these dances.

**HARMONY**  
(Looking at GILES.) See? This is why I don't like to talk to her! Can we go now?

**GILES**  
Although I put every effort into these dances, I have to say that my work with the Watchers' Council and Wolfram & Hart to stage this competition in the first place is what we should focus on here. After all, we _are_ talking of a cultural exchange here which may possibly lead to a détente between--

**ILLYRIA**  
Precisely. Therefore, as the leader of the Watchers' Council, you most of all should be putting forth your best effort. If you wish to initiate some sort of peace between the human and demon worlds, you must lead by example, and yet your performance calls into question your own commitment to this end.

**HARMONY**  
Can we go now? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeze?

**GILES**  
(Wincing.) I-- now, see here--

**XANDER**  
Is it over yet?

**ANYA**  
No, it's just now beginning. And take your hand away from your eyes. You look stupid.

**XANDER**  
But the hips are still there! No Giles hips! No Giles hips!

**ANYA**  
So you enjoy looking like a buffoon on national and trans-dimensional TV.

**XANDER**  
(Takes his hand from his eyes and looks at Anya.) "Trans-dimensional?"

**ANYA**  
Of course. How can this show help to bring demons and humans together if only the humans can see it?

**XANDER**  
See, I'm not really getting the importance of what some ugly slime-monster from Hell-Dimension X thinks of me.

**ANYA**  
Yeah? Well how about what _I_ think of you? --Oh, wait, I forgot. You don't really care about that, either.

**HARMONY**  
Don't yell at my Gilsie. He works hard.

**ILLYRIA**  
I tire of this conversation. We will return to the host.

(Cut to LORNE)

**LORNE**  
Okay. Last episode, our next couple stayed out of the Bottom Two by a nose! Let's see if they can avoid bloodshed this time! It's Xander and Anya!

(Cut to montage.)  
--------------------------------------------

**ANNOUNCER**  
Last episode, an unfortunate spill marred their Rumba!  
--------------------------------------------

(Episode clip.)

**ANYA**  
(Holding her nose.) By dose! You brog by dose!  
--------------------------------------------

**ANNOUNCER**  
Can they smell victory with their Mambo this week, or will they blow it?  
--------------------------------------------

(Post-dance interview from previous episode.)  
(XANDER and ANYA sit together in front of the camera, still in costume.)

**ANYA**  
I felt that not having you catch the bouquet was more appropriate.

**XANDER**  
But we practiced it with me catching the bouquet.

**ANYA**  
Actually we practiced it with you attempting to catch it and missing it more often than not. And, oh, I'm sorry. I changed something we had planned at the last minute without telling you? How insensitive of me.  
--------------------------------------------------

**XANDER**  
(Solo interview.)  
Ok, so, I broke Anya's nose. Or at least, she acts like it's broken. And that it's really my fault. I mean, yeah, I wasn't supposed to get up until she came to get me, but shouldn't she have been watching where she was going? Anyway, I'm glad we did better this time. Ahn's easing off a bit even with the whole nose thing bothering her. She's even added a morning bathroom break to the schedule. (Shakes finger at camera.) "As long as you don't abuse it and continue to perform well." (Laughs.) Heh. Save me.  
-------------------------------------------------

(Rehearsal clip.)  
(XANDER and ANYA stand in a dance studio. ANYA holds a clipboard, and is showing XANDER something on it.)

**XANDER**  
The clipboard again? Haven't you learned anything from what the judges said last time?

**ANYA**  
Oh, yes, I have! If you look right here, you'll see that for this dance I'm proposing we split leading duties 75 - 25 in your favor. The judges seem to want you to lead, although I'm not sure why. I'm obviously the better dancer. It would make more sense for me to lead.

**XANDER**  
But Ahn, honey, I'm the guy.

**ANYA**  
So?  
-------------------------------------------------

**ANYA**  
(Interview.)  
It's tradition. (Scoffs.) That is the stupidest reason for anything I've ever heard. Why does the male have to lead in ballroom dancing? Tradition. Why does the Zimbar demon tribe sacrifice their smartest members to the volcano god? Tradition. Makes no sense. In the end, everybody ends up with incompetent leaders.  
---------------------------------------------------

(Rehearsal clip.)  
(XANDER and ANYA practicing in a dance studio. They stop.)

**ANYA**  
No, no! You're doing it wrong! Are you trying to trip me again? Do you want to break my nose again?

**XANDER**  
You want me to answer that truthfully?

**ANYA**  
Everything's a joke to you! Maybe if you concentrated instead of making jokes you could get your hips to move the right way.

**XANDER**  
(Thrusting his hips forward and back.) I don't recall any complaints about how I moved my hips before.  
--------------------------------------------

**ANYA**  
(Interview.)  
He won't take anything seriously. (Holds up clipboard.) I _have_ to have this schedule or who knows what he'd end up doing? Probably jumping into a volcano.  
--------------------------------------------

(Rehearsal clip.)  
(XANDER and ANYA stand in front of the mirror on the dance studio wall.)

**ANYA**  
You have to make your hips move like this. (Demonstrates proper Latin Hip Motion.)

**XANDER**  
My hips can't do that.

**ANYA**  
They can if you try. Try to be sexy. Mambo is sexy. You should move your hips in a sexy way.

**XANDER**  
(Thrusting his hips forward and back.) I tried that and you yelled at me!

**ANYA**  
(Sighs.) The volcano god wouldn't have you.

**XANDER**  
What?

**ANYA**  
(Sighs louder, turns to walk away, head down, dejected.) Nothing. Never mind.

**XANDER**  
(Grabs her shoulder and turns her to face him.) Ahn. Stop. Look. I know you want to win this thing. And I'm sorry you got stuck with me. But I'm trying as hard as I can. I'm not Mr. Sexy Latin Mambo guy. I never have been. And that's not why you fell in love with me to begin with, is it?

**ANYA**  
(Reluctantly.) No.

**XANDER**  
So what was it?

**ANYA**  
Well, you were pleasing enough to look at. And you were a nice person. You were the only one who would talk to me.

**XANDER**  
And…?

**ANYA**  
And you made me laugh. Sometimes.

**XANDER**  
So maybe instead of trying to make me into something I'm not, we try to play to my strengths. Huh? (Takes her chin in his hand and lifts her head to look at him.) Huh?

**ANYA**  
(Reluctantly smiling.) Okay. Maybe the volcano god _would_ take you.

**XANDER**  
Who is this volcano god? Is another apocalypse coming?  
--------------------------------------------

(Montage ends.)

**ANNOUNCER**  
Dancing the Mambo: Xander Harris and Anyanka!

(ANYA stands in the middle of the dance floor wearing a red bra and tap pants with a large charm pendant around her neck.)

("Living La Vida Loca" by Ricky Martin plays.)

(XANDER appears at the side of the dance floor, wearing a bright Hawaiian shirt and baggy pants. He is standing with one foot on a skateboard. He skates past ANYA, looking at her the whole time, until he cranes his neck so far that he mocks falling off the board. He stumbles, but catches his balance. He walks up to ANYA, grabs the charm on her necklace and yanks it off of her, tossing it aside. He leads her into a series of spins, then they break into various Mambo moves.)

(XANDER twirls ANYA out of standard dance hold and puts his arms around her waist. She does the same, and they sway back and forth in time with the music. They step away from one another and turn back to back, then mime karate chops and kicks. They face each other, and XANDER takes ANYA's face in his hands and pulls her in close, then they break into more Mambo moves.)

(Releasing dance hold, XANDER does a spin, then ANYA mimics it. XANDER turns his back to her and faces the judges, then pulls a quarter out of his pocket and flips it a couple of times while ANYA wriggles her hips sexily behind him, staring at him and fanning herself with her hand. She dances up beside him and, smiling widely at the judges, they do a couple of chorus line kicks. XANDER faces ANYA and holds his left hand up. She slaps her right hand into his and they take dance position and resume the Mambo.)

(They dance up to the steps to the stage, then turn to face the audience as the music hits its final chord. They both sit down on the steps, miming laughter.)

(The CROWD cheers and XANDER stands, helps ANYA to her feet, and takes her over to the Judges' Table and LORNE.)

**LORNE**  
They met, they fell in love, they danced! Nice job! Wesley, how did you like that routine?

**WESLEY**  
It was a very enjoyable routine. (CROWD cheers.) What you lack in dance ability, you make up for in energy. You looked like you were having fun out there, and that's important. Well done.

**XANDER**  
Thanks. That's what we were going for.

**LORNE**  
Oz?

**OZ**  
Some heel leads which don't belong in a Latin dance, and you were off time part of the dance. (CROWD boos.) But I got where you were coming from (slight smile).

**LORNE**  
(To CROWD) Hey, don't boo him! We've finally gotten him to talk! All right, Drogyn, what would you like to say?

(DROGYN scowls at LORNE and opens his mouth to speak.)

**LORNE cont.**  
(Quickly) --About their routine.

**DROGYN**  
(Small sigh of relief.) The other judges are correct. What they did not mention is that your hip movements are inadequate for a Mambo. In addition, you must work on your arm movements. They are somewhat stiff.

**ANYA**  
(Pointing at XANDER) Well, _he's_ somewhat stiff.

(XANDER's eyes widen, and he quickly looks down at his zipper. The CROWD titters with laughter.)

**DROGYN**  
(Looking at the CROWD.) Why do they laugh?

**ANYA**  
What? He is!

**XANDER**  
She means I'm awkward.

**ANYA**  
Yes. And very stiff. I should know.

**LORNE**  
Okay, children, how about you go on backstage.

(XANDER leads ANYA backstage, trying to explain to her what was wrong with what she said.)

**LORNE cont.**  
Let's check backstage with Illyria.

(Cut to backstage, where ILLYRIA stands with XANDER and ANYA, and CLEM and BUFFY sit on the couch in the background.)

**ILLYRIA**  
You have amused the judges.

**ANYA**  
(Leaning in toward the camera.) I just want to say that I was not referring to his penis being erect. I was merely referring to the stiffness with which he moves. I do not believe his penis is currently erect. (She looks at XANDER and nods with a smile, pleased that she has now taken care of the misunderstanding.)

(XANDER grins uncomfortably.)

**ILLYRIA**  
Was that condition crucial to your routine? Did he let you down again?

**ANYA**  
Oh, no. Flaccid was perfectly acceptable.

(XANDER slaps his hand to his forehead.)

**ILLYRIA**  
Then let us hear the judges' scores.

(Cut to Judges' Table.)

**ANNOUNCER**  
The judges are ready with their scores. Drogyn The Battlebrand?

**DROGYN**  
Seven.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Wesley Wyndam-Price?

**WESLEY**  
Seven.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Daniel Osbourne?

**OZ**  
Seven.

(Cut to backstage.)

**ILLYRIA**  
You have received a score of twenty-one. It keeps you out of last place, but is worse than you did last time. You do not seem to be improving, either. Perhaps an erect penis would have helped.

**XANDER**  
Could we leave my-- thing out of this?

**ANYA**  
Yes. I don't believe it would help.

**XANDER**  
Thank you.

**ANYA**  
It's connected to your hips and you don't know how to use them properly. The judge said so.

**ILLYRIA**  
Have you taught him nothing?

**ANYA**  
I have tried.

**ILLYRIA**  
Then you need to try something new. Only a fool continues to use the same strategy when it has already lost previous battles. See to it. Mr. Baboo is trying a new strategy tonight, although I do not like it. Still, he makes the effort. Take heed. You are dismissed.

(Cut to LORNE.)

**LORNE**  
You get it all on this show: drama, humor, and highbrow conversation. Isn't that right, Mr. Baboo? (Smiles at WESLEY, who shrugs.) Last but not least, they were champions of Cha Cha and they quelled the Quickstep! Will they be able to tame the Tango? It's Clem and Buffy!

(Cut to montage.)  
--------------------------------------------

**ANNOUNCER**  
They've topped the Leader Board for two weeks running!  
--------------------------------------------

(Episode clip.)  
(Edited clips of CLEM and BUFFY standing with LORNE at the Judges' Table.)

**OZ**  
A good job.

**WESLEY**  
Your dancing ability continues to surprise us, Clem.  
--------------------------------------------

**ANNOUNCER**  
Can they maintain their lofty position or will this week bring a fall?  
--------------------------------------------

**BUFFY**  
(Interview)  
I'm afraid we ran into a little snafu this week.  
--------------------------------------------

(Rehearsal Clip)  
(CLEM and BUFFY sitting at a table beside the dance floor, taking a break.)

**BUFFY**  
You okay? You seem a little off, today.

**CLEM**  
Why am I the "surprise" leader?

**BUFFY**  
What?

**CLEM**  
Well, if I'm the "surprise" leader, then nobody must've thought I could do this.

**BUFFY**  
(Muttering) Oh, crap.

**CLEM**  
Why doesn't anyone think I can do this, Buffy?

**BUFFY**  
Well, um, I don't think they expected _any_ of the students to already know anything about dancing, Clem.

**CLEM**  
(Frowning and shaking his head vigorously, ears flying..) If that's the case, then no matter _who_ was in first place, it would be surprising, and so it wouldn't be surprising at all.

**BUFFY**  
I don't think so, Clem. I-- it's just the way television is, Clem. They-- they always gotta hype it up-- like-- like when, oh! Like when Janet Jackson had her "wardrobe malfunction," I mean who even remembers who was playing the game, right?

**CLEM**  
The New England Patriots beat the Carolina Panthers 32 - 29. But no, you said it yourself in your interview the very first week. I'm not anyone's first choice as a dance partner. Or tenth. Everybody expected somebody good looking like Spike to be in first place. Not me.

**BUFFY**  
It's not anything-- it-- it-- it doesn't mean--

**CLEM**  
(Standing up and walking toward the kitchenette) I think I'd like to be alone for a little while. We can practice later. (Closes kitchenette door behind him.)

**BUFFY**  
Clem?  
--------------------------------------------

**CLEM**  
(Interview.)  
It's 'cause of me. I mean, Buffy's attractive, for a human, or so they tell me. Her skin's much too tight for my taste. I've found that human women get much more attractive the older they get. But anyway, she's strong and agile, so it shouldn't be any surprise that she's doing well. But I'm not particularly strong, and I'm not the-- the-- _sexy_ kinda guy. And Tango's s'posed to be kinda sexy.  
------------------------------------------------

(Rehearsal clip.)  
(CLEM and BUFFY stand facing each other in a dance studio.)

**BUFFY**  
Okay, now step up to me. (CLEM steps up and stands right in front of BUFFY.) Right. Now all the way in, Clem. (Grabs his hips and pulls him into body contact.)

**CLEM**  
(Turns away quickly and throws his hands up and shakes his head vigorously.) No, no, no, no, no!  
--------------------------------------------

**BUFFY**  
(Interview.)  
This whole "nobody expects me to win" thing is messing with his confidence. So I've been trying to build him up.  
--------------------------------------------

(Rehearsal clip.)  
(BUFFY sits at a table in the dance studio. CLEM enters.)

**BUFFY**  
(Cheerfully) Hi, Clem!

**CLEM**  
(Waves.) Hi, Buffy.

**BUFFY**  
That's a nice shirt you're wearing.

**CLEM**  
(Looks down at his shirt.) It's the same shirt I wore yesterday.

**BUFFY**  
(Resisting the urge to roll her eyes and make an "eww" face.) Yeah… I know! And it looks-- really good on you! I bet that's why you decided to wear it… two days in a row.

**CLEM**  
Well, it's three, really, 'cause I had it on the day before, too.

**BUFFY**  
That-- that's one of the reasons you're such a-- swell guy! You know what looks good and you stick with it!

(CLEM starts to smile.)

**BUFFY**  
Just don't push your luck with it, though. Part of being a good dresser is variety-- gotta keep 'em guessing.  
-----------------------------------------------

**CLEM**  
(Interview.)  
But I'm not really cool like Spike or respected like Rupert or --well, Angel's just in a bad mood all the time, isn't he? I mean, he really needs to lighten up. But I think it's sad that just because humans judge someone to be unattractive, they assume that they lack other qualities and abilities as well. And besides, I know of several Forest Demons who consider me to be quite the looker! And they've been extra friendly ever since I've been doing this show. A lot of people have. They come up and talk to me now, being really nice. Some guy named Oliver gave me his business card and seemed very anxious for me to call him but he was kinda pushy and strange so I don't think I will. Even Buffy's been acting strangely this week.  
--------------------------------------------

**BUFFY**  
(Interview.)  
Clem was down so I went a little easy on him in practice this week. At least I tried. I think this all made him that much more focused. I mean, he couldn't have gotten _less_ focused. He didn't ask me about Dawn once this week-- oop! Sorry, Dawn. You can edit that out, right? Oh! I shouldn't have said that. 'Cause every time somebody says that on TV, that's exactly the part that they show! So, hey, Dawn, I was just kidding. Clem still asks about you all the-- aw, forget it.  
--------------------------------------------

(Rehearsal clip.)  
(CLEM and BUFFY practicing in dance studio. They stop.)

**BUFFY**  
Okay, I think that's enough for today.

**CLEM**  
Huh? But I didn't get it right.

**BUFFY**  
That's okay. We'll get it tomorrow. (Smiles sweetly at him, pats his hand, and exits into the restroom.)  
--------------------------------------------

**CLEM**  
(Interview.)  
I think she's trying to come on to me.  
--------------------------------------------

**BUFFY**  
(Interview.)  
I also kinda went easy on him this week 'cause I wasn't quite sure what to do with the Tango. I mean, Clem's not really a Tango kinda guy.  
---------------------------------------------

**CLEM**  
(Interview.)  
Oh, no, Tango's really hard for me. I'm not a macho guy, or a scary guy, unless I do my face thing. You wanna see my face thing? No? Oh. I-it's really no trouble-- oh. Okay.   
--------------------------------------------

**BUFFY**  
(Interview.)  
And I'm not really a Tango kinda girl, either. I mean, I'm not really one to flaunt it, ya' know?  
----------------------------------------------

(Rehearsal clip.)  
(CLEM and BUFFY dancing Tango. They stop.)

**CLEM**  
Sorry.

**BUFFY**  
That's okay. Hey, I thought you were gonna keep 'em guessin' about what you were gonna wear next.

**CLEM**  
(Excitedly) Oh, I am! I figured after what you said, the last thing anybody'd expect would be for me to wear this shirt _again_! What'd'ya think?

**BUFFY**  
(Shaking her head.) I think it's you.

**CLEM**  
Yeah. But this Tango's not.

**BUFFY**  
(Looking down, as if to find an answer on the floor.) I know. It's not me, either. (Pause. Looks up, smiling.) So let's not be us.

**CLEM**  
What?  
---------------------------------------------------

**CLEM**  
(Interview.)  
I'm gonna show all those "surprised" people when I walk home with that trophy!  
--------------------------------------------

(Montage ends.)

**ANNOUNCER**  
Dancing the Tango: Clem and Buffy Summers!

(CLEM stands in the middle of the dance floor, hunched over and head down. He is completely covered by a large, black blanket.)

("Highway To Hell" by AC-DC plays.)

(As the beat kicks in, CLEM stands up straight and throws off the blanket. He is waring black jeans, a black T-shirt, a long black duster, and a "Billy Idol" wig. He raises his right hand with index finger and pinky outstretched in a "rock and roll" gesture, and starts headbanging to the beat. The CROWD roars.)

(Still headbanging, CLEM points to the stage, where BUFFY appears, wearing a leather halter top and pants with a dark long-haired wig. She descends the stairs and struts up to CLEM, and begins headbanging with him. They take dance hold and begin doing some Tango moves.)

(Cut to backstage, where all of the other couples have gathered to watch the dance.)

**ANGEL**  
(Sitting on the couch with LILAH.) He's a better Spike than you are.

**SPIKE**  
Oy, he just knows who the best dancer is.

**LILAH**  
They're trying to show us what it would look like if you guys were any good.

**FAITH**  
They wanna look like winners. That's why she's not dressed in a lawyer's suit.

(Cut to ballroom.)

(As the song's chorus begins, they stop in front of the Judges' Table. Maintaining dance position, they begin hopping up and down and headbanging with the beat. As they do so, CLEM extends his pinky and BUFFY extends her index finger to form a large "rock and roll" gesture. BUFFY's wig flies off and lands on the Judge's Table in front of DROGYN. Without missing a beat, CLEM and BUFFY return to dancing Tango moves.)

(Cut to backstage.)

**SPIKE**  
Look! I'm dancin' with Buffy now!

**ANGEL**  
It's not you.

**SPIKE**  
Oh yeah? You said yourself he's Spike.

**ANGEL**  
I said he's a _better_ Spike than you, and it would take a better Spike than you to get Buffy to want to dance with you.

**SPIKE**  
Oh, we danced plenty.

**ANGEL**  
(Standing menacingly.) You don't know how to dance. You prove that every week.

**SPIKE**  
Scored better than _you_ this week.

(XANDER and WILLOW start backing away. ILLYRIA, GUNN, ANYA and SEBASSIS look on with interest. CORDELIA moves behind ANGEL and HARMONY moves behind SPIKE. GILES looks at his watch and rolls his eyes. FAITH glares down at LILAH, who remains seated on the couch and smirks self-confidently with a steady gaze.)

(Cut to ballroom.)

(As the music slows to a stop, BUFFY poses facing CLEM, pressing her hands against his chest, cocking her hip and looking over her shoulder with a pout. CLEM raises his head and shouts "Bloody 'Ell!" as the final chord sounds. The CROWD rises to its feet and cheers. CLEM grins like an eight-year-old who just told his best schoolyard joke, and escorts BUFFY to the Judges' Table and LORNE.)

**LORNE**  
(Laughing) I love it! Even with the "wardrobe malfunction" there! Let's start with Drogyn, 'cause he looks a bit confused. Drogyn-- and I ask this on purpose-- whaddaya think?

**DROGYN**  
(Turning the wig over in his hands.) I am uncertain what to make of this. Why did you give it to me?

**CLEM**  
Oh, we didn't--

**BUFFY**  
Hey, it's an offering. A gift to the mighty judge.

**WESLEY**  
Perhaps you should put it on, "mighty judge."

**DROGYN**  
Oh. (Puts on the wig, then continues speaking in all seriousness.) Thank you. Unfortunately, I shall not allow this gift to influence my judgement, and I must tell you that although it was an enjoyable routine, it was lacking the crispness and power that a Tango requires. (CROWD stops laughing and boos.) I did enjoy your parody of the one called Spike, however. He annoys me.

**CLEM**  
(Nodding emphatically, and nervously licking his lips.) Okay. Okay.

**LORNE**  
Good thing you're bound to tell the truth, or we'd have to disqualify you as judge for being biased!

**DROGYN**  
You do not have the power to disqualify me.

**LORNE**  
That is true! (Looks into camera and smiles.) Hi, boss! Anyway, Wes, how about you?

**WESLEY**  
I'm afraid I have to agree with Drogyn and say that your Tango wasn't very much like a Tango. (CROWD boos.)

**LORNE**  
I knew it! I knew you wouldn't make it through an entire show without getting booed!

**WESLEY**  
(Wryly) I should have known better than to bet with an anagogic demon.

**LORNE**  
Hey, anagogic just means that I read people. I can't tell the future. --Unless I read it in you. And lemme tell you, I'm so glad I don't read people's dances! But some of these artists whose songs we're hearing? Whoo! Some scary stuff there. Anything to add, Wes?

**WESLEY**  
Just that I, too, enjoyed your lampooning of the other competitors.

**CLEM**  
(Nodding.) Thank you. Thank you.

**LORNE**  
As did we all. And Oz?

**OZ**  
Work on the heel leads. They were missing. (CROWD boos.) But a cool choice.

**CLEM**  
(Nodding.) Right. Okay. Thank you.

**LORNE**  
And there we have it. You two go on backstage. (CLEM and BUFFY exit.) We managed to get all three judges booed that time! Let's go backstage to check up on the dancers. Illyria?

(Cut to backstage, where XANDER and WILLOW are crouched behind the couch, barely peeking out to see what is going on. ANYA stands beside XANDER, eagerly watching. GILES is off to the side, talking on a cell phone, and CLEM stands beside him. SEBASSIS and LILAH sit on the couch watching with smiles on their faces. GUNN and FAITH stand in front of ANGEL, preventing him from getting at SPIKE, whom ILLYRIA holds in a headlock. BUFFY rolls her eyes and strides purposefully toward the center of the fracas. HARMONY smacks ILLYRIA ineffectually on the back.)

**ILLYRIA**  
I do not wish to speak to the Host just now. (To HARMONY) Stop that.

(Cut to the Judges' Table.)

**ANNOUNCER**  
The judges have their scores. Drogyn the Battlebrand?

**DROGYN**  
Seven.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Wesley Wyndam-Price?

**WESLEY**  
Eight.

**ANNOUNCER**  
Daniel Osbourne?

**OZ**  
Eight.

(Cut to LORNE.)

**LORNE**  
(Smiling with all the energy his last nerve can muster) And that's a twenty-three for Clem and Buffy. So we have a new leader on the Leader Board, and let's check that out right now!

(Cut to graphic listing the names of the couples and their scores as follows:

Spike & Faith...25  
Lilah & Angel...24  
Clem & Buffy...23  
Gunn & Cordelia...23  
Sebassis & Willow...22  
Xander & Anya...21  
Harmony & Giles...19

Cut back to LORNE)

**LORNE cont.**  
Now it's time for _you_ to vote! Voting begins immediately, and will continue for almost two weeks! There's no episode next week, so that everyone will have a chance to vote. We'll return in _two weeks_ with our Results Show, when we'll combine the results of the voting with the judges' scores to find out which couple will be eliminated from the competition! The rules for voting are next, and we thank you for watching and voting on _Dancing With The Demons_!

(Theme music plays, credits roll.)

Every vote recorded before the close of voting will count, and every couple needs your vote to avoid elimination. For instance, if no one votes for the couple in first place on the leader board, that couple will most likely be eliminated, even though they are in first place! Voting will close at midnight GMT Monday, April 30, 2007. Any votes cast after the voting closes will not be counted. So vote for your favorites, and we'll see you on Thursday, May 3 for the next _Dancing With The Demons __**Results**__ Show_!

Voting can be done on my LiveJournal or in comments here.


	13. Results Show 3

Title: Dancing With the Demons, Results Show 3  
Author: **redsrule1**  
Fandoms: Buffy, Angel, Dancing With the Stars  
Rating: PG  
Disclaimer: I didn't make up the characters, the music, the shows, or the dances. I just live them sometimes.  
Pairings: Gen  
Characters: Just about everyone  
Author's Notes: Thanks to **yourlibrarian** for the beta.  
Summary: Nine couples, ONE winner, and you choose who becomes the champion!

**DANCING WITH THE DEMONS  
Results Show Three**

(Music strikes a low chord and sustains it throughout the opening.)

**ANNOUNCER**  
A new beginning with a new judge...

(Episode clip)  
(DROGYN sits at the Judges' Table.)

**DROGYN**  
My neck remains sore from my death and I am still somewhat disoriented from my recent resurrection. Ask me no further questions.

(Clip ends.)

**ANNOUNCER**  
…a new attitude…

(Episode clip.)  
(LORNE standing beside the Judges' Table.)

**WESLEY**  
It was a great routine.

**LORNE**  
But…?

**WESLEY**  
No "buts". Just, "it was a great routine."

**LORNE**  
You got anything to say about the heel leads? The unsteady frame?

**WESLEY**  
No. Nothing at all, Lorne.

**LORNE**  
You're not gonna make it through this whole program.

**WESLEY**  
I'm enjoying my sixty minutes of popularity, Lorne.

(Clip ends.)

**ANNOUNCER**  
And a new leader emerged from the pack!

(SPIKE appears on the stage, wearing a Royal Navy officer's dress uniform and strikes a dashing pose, chin held high.)

**ANNOUNCER**  
The competition is heating up, but someone must go! Who will be eliminated tonight on _DANCING WITH THE DEMONS_?

(Theme music plays as the video introductions for all nine original couples roll, then the live camera pans across the seven remaining couples standing on the stage and steps in their dance costumes from the most recent episode.)

**ANNOUNCER**  
Live, from Hollywood, this is _DANCING WITH THE DEMONS: THE RESULTS_!

(Music ends. Cut to LORNE and ILLYRIA standing beside the dance floor.)

**LORNE**  
Hello, and welcome to _DANCING WITH THE DEMONS_! I'm Lorne, your host.

**ILLYRIA**  
And I am Illyira, God-king of the Primordium.

(LORNE glances quickly at ILLYRIA, surprised. ILLYRIA stares unblinking at the camera. She reads the teleprompter with what she believes is melodramatic enthusiasm. The result is speech that is just this side of flat.)

**ILLYRIA cont.**  
Tonight we will discover which of our contestants will move on to the next round, and which will go home.

**LORNE**  
(Still taken aback.) Tha-- that's right, Illyria. But to start out, we have our first report from the newest members of our crew, who are going to take us backstage to catch a glimpse of what goes on behind the scenes. It's Dawn Summers and the Groosalugg!

(Cut to filmed report.)  
--------------------------------------------

(Shot of DAWN holding a reporter's microphone, and standing alone in the backstage interviewing area, with the familiar couch in the background.)

**DAWN**  
This is Dawn Summers along with the Groosalugg behind the camera, and we're reporting today from backstage at _DANCING WITH THE DEMONS_. After the end of Round Two, one of the show's judges, Drusilla, had the tables turned on her when _she_ was "eliminated" from the show. We asked Head Judge Wesley Wyndam-Price to explain why.  
--------------------------------------------

(Shot of WESLEY sitting behind a desk. The words "Wesley Wyndam-Price - DWTD Head Judge" are superimposed at the bottom of the screen.)

**WESLEY**  
I don't actually have anything to do with Drusilla's sacking.

**DAWN**  
But you're the Head Judge, are you not?

**WESLEY**  
I am, but I have no say over the hiring or firing of the judges. That comes from higher up.  
--------------------------------------------

(Cut to DAWN, backstage standup.)

**DAWN**  
"Higher up." So someone more powerful than the Head Judge wanted Drusilla gone. And not just Drusilla. In addition, beloved sound engineer Reg was also given his walking papers.  
--------------------------------------------

(Shot of a middle-aged man and woman sitting in a room with audio equipment. "Harold Green - Sound Engineer" superimposed on screen.)

**HAROLD**  
None of us could believe it when Reg was fired. He was the best engineer we had.

("Martha Baker - Sound Engineer" superimposed on screen.)

**MARTHA**  
No he wasn't.

**HAROLD**  
Okay, no he wasn't. But he sure was well liked. And he was… um…

**MARTHA**  
Competent.

**HAROLD**  
Competent.

**MARTHA**  
_Barely_ competent.

**HAROLD**  
Barely competent.

**MARTHA**  
Not very good, really.

**HAROLD**  
He didn't have a clue. But he was trying. He tried hard. And he was learning. We were helping him.

**MARTHA**  
Covering for him.

**HAROLD**  
We covered his ass like a cheap pair of underwear. But-- but he was a great guy.

**MARTHA**  
We all loved him. And then he gets the news on his birthday, of all days.  
--------------------------------------------

(Cut to shot of a VASNU, a large, long-armed, alarming-looking demon holding a half blown up balloon. He is standing under an unfinished banner hanging in the back of the sound room. The banner is half decorated with drawings of stars and birthday cakes, and it reads "Happy Birthday, Reg, Our Favorite Sound". The balloon blubbers as it deflates.)  
--------------------------------------------

(Cut to DAWN, backstage standup.)

**DAWN**  
We went "higher up," to the person who runs the show.  
--------------------------------------------

(Shot of LORNE sitting behind a desk. "Krevlornswath Of The Deathwok Clan - DWTD Host" squeezed onto the screen.)

**LORNE**  
Look, Sunshine, I don't run the show. I'm just the host.

**DAWN**  
Then who does run the show?

**LORNE**  
The Producers do.

**DAWN**  
And they are…?

**LORNE**  
Evil lawyers in charge of everything.

**DAWN**  
What do you mean?

**LORNE**  
Well, Wolfram & Hart are the Executive Producers of the show, along with the Watchers' Council. This whole show is a joint goodwill effort by those two groups. They do all the hiring and firing.

**DAWN**  
And how do they do that, exactly?

**LORNE**  
They let us know their wishes. Through a representative.  
--------------------------------------------

(Cut to DAWN, backstage standup.)

**DAWN**  
And one of those representatives is a contestant on this very show: Lilah Morgan.  
--------------------------------------------

(Footage of LILAH sitting at a conference table speaking with LINDSEY to her left. "Lilah Morgan - DWTD Contestant" superimposed on screen, followed by "And Emissary of the Senior Partners" superimposed on screen.)  
--------------------------------------------

(Cut to DAWN, backstage standup.)

**DAWN**  
My partner, the Groosalugg, was hired to do the actual firing. This reporter's first assignment was to accompany the Groosalugg as he informed the unlucky employees of their termination.  
--------------------------------------------

(Hand-held camera shot of GROO standing outside of DRUSILLA's dressing room door.)

**GROO**  
I expect her to be a formidable opponent. Even Angel seemed uncomfortable about doing battle with her, and I know him to be a great warrior.

**DAWN**  
Angel's afraid of Dru? Wow. You learn all kinda things when you work with people. (Narrating GROO's actions as they occur.) Mr. Groosalugg knocks on the door. There is no answer. He is now trying the doorknob, to see if it is open.

**GROO**  
I will try the doorknob to see if it is open.

**DAWN**  
I just told them that! Pay attention to what you're doing. I'll narrate. The doorknob turns. It is unlocked. This is very exciting, ladies and gentlemen. Will Drusilla be angry? Is she lying in wait to attack? What will we find behind the door?

**GROO**  
Nothing.

**DAWN**  
What?

**GROO**  
The room is empty.

**DAWN**  
She's not there?

**GROO**  
Nothing is there. The room has no personal effects at all. It has been cleaned out.  
--------------------------------------------

(Cut to DAWN, backstage standup.)

**DAWN**  
A similar occurance --occurred-- when Groo arrived in the audio department to give Reg the bad news.  
--------------------------------------------

(Shot of GROO in a room full of audio equipment, talking to HAROLD, MARTHA, and the VASNU demon. The VASNU demon has his face buried in his hands, and is weeping unconsolably. MARTHA is patting him on the back, trying to comfort him.)

**GROO**  
Reg the Sound Engineer is not here?

**HAROLD**  
Nah, that vampire judge, the one with The Sight, came in here this morning and told Reg they were about to be canned.

("Thormash, Destroyer Of Worlds - DWTD Sound Engineer" superimposed on the screen.)

**THORMASH**  
(Sobbing.) Oh, Reg, Reg! He's gone!

**MARTHA**  
(To THORMASH) There, there. (To the camera) See what they've done? Broke poor Reg's heart… and ours.

**THORMASH**  
Reg, come back!

**HAROLD**  
It wasn't Reg's fault. They knew his abilities when they hired him. They saw his resume, knew this was his first job. But they made him head of the Sound Department anyway. They set him up to fail.  
--------------------------------------------

(Cut to slow-motion, closeup footage of THORMASH crying and MARTHA consoling him. The film has been run through special effects to give it an eerie, black-and-white cast. There is no corresponding audio.)

**DAWN**  
Two lives shattered. And those left behind can only try to pick up the pieces and struggle on somehow. Hired with full knowledge of their abilities, and fired on a whim. Can any of us feel safe in our own jobs? For the Groosalugg, I'm Dawn Summers saying good night.

**GROO**  
And I am the Groosalugg. Good night.

**DAWN**  
(Whispering) I said I'd say it for you.

**GROO**  
(Puzzled) I am capable of announcing myself.

--------------------------------------------

(Film ends. Cut to LORNE.)

**LORNE**  
(Somewhat shocked, forcing a smile.) Heh. Uh, thanks, Dawn, for that _tongue-in-cheek_ report. But now it's the time I know our contestants have been anxiously awaiting!

**ILLYRIA**  
(Somewhat flatly.) That is right, Lorne. We can now reveal in no particular order two of the couples who will be moving on to the next round. The first couple who is definitely going on is…

(Dramatic chord plays, spotlights flash on and off at the various couples.)

(Music stops, the blinking spotlights settle to illuminate SPIKE and FAITH.)

(LORNE looks expectantly at ILLYRIA, who continues to stare at the camera. SPIKE begins to wither under the bright light, shielding his eyes with his hand.)

**LORNE**  
(Whispering loud enough for ILLYRIA to hear) I think that's long enough, Sweetie.

**ILLYRIA**  
Spike and Faith.

(FAITH, still holding the bouquet of flowers that she used in their dance routine, grabs SPIKE in a hug.)

(Cut to LORNE.)

**LORNE**  
One more couple is definitely going on to the next round. And that couple is…

(Cut to shot of remaining six couples as the spotlights flash.)

**LORNE cont.**  
Lilah and Angel!

(A white spotlight hits LILAH and ANGEL. She gives him a congratulatory squeeze, but his attention is focused in a glare towards SPIKE who smirks at him.)

(Cut to LORNE.)

**LORNE**  
Five couples still await their fate. Two couples are saved. Let's go backstage where Illyria is standing by with them. Illyria?

(Cut to backstage, where ILLYRIA stands with FAITH, SPIKE, ANGEL, and LILAH.)

**ILLYRIA**  
You have been spared for the next round. What was going through your small, half-breed mind when the spotlight--

**SPIKE**  
"Small, half-breed mind?" Oh, she's talkin' to you, Angel!

**ANGEL**  
(To ILLYRIA) Can you just knock it off with the half-breed stuff? (Stepping menacingly toward SPIKE) And I was thinking we're going to have to endure another week of Spike and his--

**LILAH**  
(Grabbing ANGEL's arm to hold him back.) Angel, we're on camera. Would you calm down?

**ANGEL**  
I don't care! I'm--

**FAITH**  
Hey, let 'em stew, Lilah. (Uses the bouquet of flowers that was a prop for her costume to point at ANGEL.) If you wanna throw down, that's fine with me, but if my dance partner misses a single practice, I'm comin' after _your_ ass!

**ILLYRIA**  
Mr. Head Judge Baboo and New Judge Drogyn The Imprisoner gave you both scores that--

**ANGEL**  
Why are you threatening _me_? He's the one who started that fight yesterday!

**FAITH**  
Maybe so, but you know he can't help himself! You're mature enough to walk away from this before my dance partner gets injured. He's not.

**SPIKE**  
(To ANGEL) Yeah! --No, wait. (To FAITH) Hey!

**FAITH**  
Shut up.

**ILLYRIA**  
(Looking toward the DIRECTOR) Your prepared questions hold no interest for me _or_ the contestants. (To CAMERA) I return your attention now to the Host.

(Cut to LORNE.)

**LORNE**  
Is there a reason we do this show live? And props to her for trying, anyway. Well, as usual we took our cameras into the audience to see their reactions to the dances, and here's what they had to say!

(Cut to montage of Audience Interview Clips.)  
--------------------------------------------

(The FURIES float facing the camera with the dance floor in the background.)

**FURIES**  
Mmmm… Angel!  
--------------------------------------------

(D'HOFFRYN, MAYOR WILKINS, and THE MASTER.)

**MAYOR WILKINS**  
Another great job by Faith! If she keeps this up, works hard, and keeps her nose to the grindstone, well then, doggone it, I think she's gonna win!

**D'HOFFRYN**  
She's got a good chance. _If_ she can keep that vampire in line.

**THE MASTER**  
Are you implying that vampires are incapable of hard work?

**D'HOFFRYN**  
_That_ one, yes!

**THE MASTER**  
Touché.

**MAYOR WILKINS**  
Mind you, I didn't like the way she threw herself at that vampire. Ulgh! (Shudders.)

**THE MASTER**  
Your Anyanka had a nice routine.

**MAYOR WILKINS**  
Yes, she did. At least she wasn't dressed as a streetwalker like that Cordelia!

**D'HOFFRYN**  
Oh, don't even get me started on that "Addams Family" routine.

**THE MASTER**  
I rather liked her outfit.

**MAYOR WILKINS**  
Well, now, to be fair, the routine itself wasn't offensive, was it? It's the reference to the show that upsets you, not the routine.

**THE MASTER**  
Why? What is the reference?

**MAYOR WILKINS**  
You haven't heard of the "Addams Family?" Where were you in the sixties and seventies? And the nineties?

**THE MASTER**  
Underground. Trapped. For 50 years. With no T.V.

**D'HOFFRYN**  
It's shows like that that give demons a bad name. They portray us either as mindless killing machines or as laughable buffoons. If they're really trying to use this show to create goodwill between the demon and human communities, using songs like that is not the way to go about it.

**MAYOR WILKINS**  
Still, that show _was_ a hoot, wasn't it?

**D'HOFFRYN**  
Oh, Lurch was the best!

**MAYOR WILKINS**  
And that Thing, what a rascal.  
--------------------------------------------

(Three GENTLEMEN sit in their seats with bloody stumps where their heads used to be.)  
--------------------------------------------

(JOYCE SUMMERS and PRINCIPAL SNYDER.)

**SNYDER**  
That sure is a shame that Buffy fell out of first place.

**JOYCE**  
That was too bad. Poor Clem, they hurt his feelings. No wonder he had trouble concentrating.

**SNYDER**  
Still, they did pretty well, huh?

**JOYCE**  
They did.

**SNYDER**  
Don't worry, they'll do better next round. I'm rooting for them.

**JOYCE**  
Thank you. That's very kind of you to say so.

(SNYDER smiles politely and nods. JOYCE smiles at the camera. SNYDER starts to snake an arm around JOYCE's waist. JOYCE smacks it away without taking her eyes off the camera.)  
--------------------------------------------

(Montage ends. Cut to LORNE and ILLYRIA in the ballroom.)

**LORNE**  
Well, we'll have to see who's disappointed when we reveal who leaves the show tonight.

**ILLYRIA**  
I tremor with anticipation. But now, the time has come to reveal the results for two more of our couples.

**LORNE**  
That's right! --And surprisingly sarcastic. Clem and Buffy!

(Cut to CLEM and BUFFY as a white spotlight hits them.)

**LORNE**  
You fell from first place on the Leader Board, but the judges still felt you danced well enough to stay near the top. Did the voters agree?

(CLEM shuts his eyes tight and crosses his fingers. BUFFY smiles and puts her arm around CLEM's back.)

**LORNE**  
They did. You're coming back for the next round.

(CLEM opens his eyes and grins widely, and throws his arms around BUFFY as the spotlight fades.)

**ILLYRIA**  
Harmony and Giles.

(Cut to HARMONY and GILES as a white spotlight hits them.)

**ILLYRIA**  
The judges found your Mambo to be unsatisfactory enough to place you at the bottom of the Leader Board. Did the audience save you from the Bottom Two?

(HARMONY clasps her hands in front of her in a begging motion. GILES waits emotionlessly.)

**ILLYRIA**  
They did not. You are in the Bottom Two.

(The spotlight changes to red and HARMONY deflates with a sad look on her face. GILES smiles as the spotlight fades.)

(Cut to LORNE.)

**LORNE**  
Another couple saved, one couple in the Bottom Two. Three more couples await their fate, but let's go backstage where Illyria's waiting with those who know their results.

(Cut to backstage where ILLYRIA stands with CLEM, BUFFY, GILES, and HARMONY. FAITH and SPIKE sit on the couch in the background,  
and ANGEL and LILAH stand behind the couch.)

**ILLYRIA**  
(To CLEM) Do not embrace me.

**CLEM**  
Right. Sorry. Okay.

**ILLYRIA**  
Are you happy that you will be continuing to the next round?

**CLEM**  
Yes! Yes! Oh, yes. Thank you! I'm so happy!

(CLEM starts to throw his arms around ILLYRIA, but stops when he sees her warning gaze.)

**CLEM cont.**  
(Calmly.) Um, yes. Very happy.

(ANGEL is slowly reaching his hands down toward SPIKE's neck.)

**ILLYRIA**  
Do you not feel that dropping from first place calls into question your ability to win this competition?

**CLEM**  
Oh, no, not at all. (Shakes his head earnestly.) All that really matters is making it to the next round. Spike and Faith were in last place in Round Two and now they're in first!

(CLEM turns to wave at SPIKE and FAITH, who return the wave. ANGEL quickly withdraws his hands.)

**ILLYRIA**  
Harmony Kendall and Rupert Giles, you have gone from near the bottom to near the top, and are once again near the bottom. How do you feel now?

**HARMONY**  
Disappointed and scared.

**GILES**  
(Under his breath) Relieved.

(ANGEL once again sneaks his hands toward SPIKE's neck.)

**ILLYRIA**  
Rupert Giles, do you not wish to continue in this competition?

**HARMONY**  
(Eyes wide and threatening tears.) You wanna lose?

**GILES**  
What? Oh, dreadfully sorry. No, o-of course not. I, er, will always try my utmost to perform as well as possible and, ultimately, to win this competition. However, given that, if the voters do not wish for us to continue, well, I _do_ have a Watchers' Council to get back to running. There are many, many Slayers, and the Council could do with having me back. But I will represent the Council in this competition as best I can.

(FAITH is bapping ANGEL's hands away from SPIKE with her flower bouquet.)

**ILLYRIA**  
So winning the trophy is of secondary importance to you. I blame you not. The trophy is unappealing, and the contest is trivial.

**GILES**  
No, I, er--

**BUFFY**  
I'm sure Giles wants to win just like everyone else. It's just not the only thing in his life. All of us have other commitments. I have my slaying, Harm--

(GILES shakes his head emphatically at BUFFY.)

**BUFFY cont.**  
I _don't_ have my slaying. (GILES nods.) …'Cause it's wrong. Apparently. So very, very wrong. An' I didn't know what else Harmony has to do, anyway.

(HARMONY, distracted, sees FAITH hitting at ANGEL and walks over to her. She takes the bouquet from FAITH like a parent taking an annoying toy from a child, effectively ending the tussle. HARMONY returns to stand next to GILES.)

**GILES**  
Because of the truce between the human and demon worlds for the duration of this competition.

**BUFFY**  
(Unenthusiastically) Oh. Yeah. _That._

**ILLYRIA**  
An interesting revelation. I return you now to the Host.

(Cut to LORNE in the ballroom.)

**LORNE**  
She's actually being a _co-host_ tonight! But speaking of the truce between humans and demons, with many people watching our show now, we've decided to send Harmony and Giles out to a Los Angeles Galaxy soccer game to do a little PR, and to help show that humans and demons really can get along. Our reporting team of Dawn and Groo tagged along. Let's see what happened! (To DIRECTOR) Did anybody pre-screen this one?

(Cut to film of soccer game.)  
--------------------------------------------

(DAWN standing in the stands at a soccer stadium. Fans are milling about, and the game is being played on the field.)

**DAWN**  
Dawn Summers here with my partner Groosalugg where Harmony and Giles are here to do a little bit of PR.  
-------------------------------------------

(Cut to DAWN interviewing GILES on the field before the game.)

**DAWN**  
As a representative of the Watchers' Council, it makes sense that you were chosen to be the first to begin doing PR. What do you hope to accomplish with this visit?

**GILES**  
Well, Dawn, we hope to show that humans and demons really can live in some sort of peace.

**DAWN**  
And do you think attending a soccer game will help to achieve that?

**GILES**  
I think anything that gets exposure for our television show will help to achieve that. If the general public's first encounter with vampires and demons are as celebrities, rather than as someone chasing them down a dark alley, I think they will be more receptive to the fact that not _all_ demons are evil.  
-------------------------------------------------

(Cut to shot of GILES and HARMONY on the field during the pre-game ceremonies.)

**STADIUM P.A. ANNOUNCER**  
Now, ladies and gentlemen, let's introduce two celebrities who are joining us for the game tonight. From the hit show "Dancing With The Demons," it's Rupert Giles and his _vampire_ partner, Harmony Kendall!

(Applause from the CROWD. HARMONY beams, basking in the celebrity, and waving to the CROWD with both hands above her head. GILES smiles uncomfortably and nods his head instead of waving.)  
--------------------------------------------------

(Cut to DAWN interviewing a pair of teenage girls on the stadium concourse.)

**DAWN**  
So who are your favorites on the show?

**GIRL 1**  
Ummmm, I don't know. Maybe Spike?

**GIRL 2**  
That Clem is so weird! And the host guy! But he's kind of funny too. It's just all really weird.

**GIRL 1**  
Yeah, but some of the guys are hot.

**DAWN**  
Is there anything about the show you like? Besides the hot guys?

**GIRL 1**  
Um, well some of the audience comments are kind of funny.

**GIRL 2**  
The audience people are so weird! And that vampire judge freaks me out.

**GIRL 1**  
The co-host scares me.

**GIRL 2**  
Yeah, she's really weird too.

**GIRL 1**  
Yeah, weird.  
----------------------------------------

(Cut to DAWN interviewing GILES sitting in the stands.)

**GILES**  
I thought that introducing Harmony as a vampire was a bit much. I mean, I know that the show is getting good ratings, so people are getting used to the idea that demons are real, but are they ready to be shown a real live-- or dead-- vampire in person? At a sporting event? Where there could have been panic and a stampede? But fortunately, no one panicked and I think most of the men there were more interested in Harmony's somewhat revealing outfit than they were in her feeding habits. (Smiles sheepishly.) And the women we met seemed rather more interested in the fact that I could dance than the fact that I am head of a council that fights monsters and demons.  
-------------------------------------------

(Cut to shot of HARMONY and GILES sitting at a fold-out table on the concourse, autographing publicity photos of the entire cast. GILES signs and hands a photograph to an older teenaged boy.)

**GILES**  
There you go.

**BOY**  
Which one are you?

**GILES**  
(Pointing at the photo.) I'm that one there. In the corner.

**BOY**  
(Nods toward HARMONY, who is signing a photo for someone else.) Which one's she?

**GILES**  
She's actually on the opposite side from me. (Looks at the photo and points.) Right there.

(The BOY takes the photo and rips it in half, dropping the part that GILES signed onto the ground as HARMONY finishes with the other fan.)

**BOYGROO**  
You are familiar with the dance competition.

**WOMAN**  
Oh I think it's really exciting. I watch it every week. But I don't get why some of the people dress up like monsters. Anyway, it's nice that Giles and Harmony are here but I was really hoping Angel or Gunn would be here.

**GROO**  
Angel and Gunn are your favorite warriors?

**WOMAN**  
Angel and Gunn are hot.

**GROO**  
I have indeed seen Gunn sweat, but Angel is actually quite cold. I know. I have fought with them.

**WOMAN**  
You fight with them? How dare you! They're nice boys!

(Camera cuts away from GROO's puzzled frown.)  
------------------------------------------

(Cut to GILES and HARMONY signing autographs. An attractive middle-aged woman approaches GILES.)

**GILES**  
Er, ah, hello.

**WOMAN**  
I love you on that show. I think you dance beautifully.

**GILES**  
Erm, yes, ah--

**WOMAN**  
Can you make this out to "Desiree"?

**GILES**  
(Nods) Y-yes…

**DESIREE**  
There's nothing more sexy than a man in a tuxedo-- who can dance as well as you.

**GILES**  
Isn't there?

(GILES looks down at the photo and signs it, then hands it to DESIREE.)

**DESIREE**  
Thanks. Maybe I'll get to see you dance in person sometime.

**GILES**  
Well, er, tickets to the show are uh, available.

**DESIREE**  
Well, thanks, _Rupert_. (Walks away.)

**HARMONY**  
Smooooooooooooth.  
---------------------------------------------

(Cut to DAWN interviewing HARMONY in the stands.)

**HARMONY**  
Giles was getting tired in practice so I guess this is a good break for him. I guess that happens to you when you're old. I'm glad I don't have to worry about getting old anymore. I'm gonna look young and pretty and thin forever-- unless I drink too much blood, I guess. I mean, look at Angel. Maybe I should only drink the blood of thin people. Less fattening that way. Anyway, Giles tried to explain the soccer game to me but it was real boring. I don't think these teams are very good 'cause nobody's scored a touchdown yet or whatever. But we got to meet that one movie guy so that was kinda cool.  
-------------------------------------------

(Cut to HARMONY and GILES on the field before the game, meeting the players.)

**HARMONY**  
You're who?

**DAVID BECKHAM**  
I'm David Beckham.

**HARMONY**  
Oh, you're that guy in the movie! I didn't see it. Did you get bent?  
------------------------------------------

(Cut to DAWN, standing with a middle-aged man who seems quite pleased to be interviewed by her.)

**DAWN**  
So, do you watch the show?

**MAN**  
Uh, the show with the Demons? (DAWN nods and smiles, tilting the mic forward encouragingly) Nah, dancing's not my thing. The wife likes it.

**DAWN**  
So you never see it?

**MAN**  
Nah. (Sees DAWN's disappointment) Maybe if they got sports stars on it.  
------------------------------------------

(Cut to GROO interviewing a 13 year old boy.)

**BOY**  
Yeah, I like Illyria. She's cool.

**GROO**  
You admire the co-host.

**BOY**  
And Faith. She's cool too.

**GROO**  
Actually, as I was trying to explain to that woman, Illyria and Faith would be rather warm, whereas--

**BOY**  
Most of the dancing's kind of lame, but Illyria doesn't dance, she likes to fight with swords. And I think she's probably gonna kill somebody before the show ends. Maybe she'll kill that host guy. That'd be cool.

**GROO**  
You see, only the vampires are--

**BOY**  
Oh, and that'd be cool to see Faith actually stake a vampire.. And maybe _she'll_ fight with Illyria.

**GROO**  
…the vampires are cold-blooded, and--

**BOY**  
And maybe if Illyria kills Faith, she'll take on Buffy next, she's a slayer too, right?  
--------------------------------------------------

(Cut to DAWN interviewing GILES while standing on the concourse, with HARMONY in the background surrounded by men and signing autographs.)

**GILES**  
I think that this event will definitely boost Harmony's confidence for our routine this week. At least it seems as if we'll have quite a few people voting for us. Perhaps I should get back there and help Harmony sign photos.

**DAWN**  
I think she's got it covered. Or, just enough _un_covered. She might just get you some votes. (To camera.) And remember, half the scores come from the audience, so keep watching and sending in your votes. Back to you Lorne!  
--------------------------------------------

(Film ends. Cut to LORNE and ILLYRIA in the ballroom.)

**LORNE**  
Well, looks like someone's winning a few popularity contests. What did you think of that segment, Illyria?

**ILLYRIA**  
The Houston Dynamo have no chance to repeat as champions now that David Beckam has been conscripted to the Los Angeles team.

**LORNE**  
(Eyes wide.) You continue to amaze me, Blueberry Muffin.

**ILLYRIA**  
The most mundane and insignificant tasks seem godlike to lesser beings.

**LORNE**  
_There's_ the Illyria we all know and love. But now, three more couples await their fate.

**ILLYRIA**  
Two of the remaining three couples will escape elimination. The third will suffer in the Bottom Two.

(Cut to shot of the three remaining couples on the stage. A dramatic chord plays, and spotlights flicker on and off of all three.)

**LORNE**  
(From off camera.) Sebassis and Willow! The judges called your routine commendable and enjoyable. But did it keep you out of the Bottom Two?

**ILLYRIA**  
Xander and Anya. Your routine, too, was called "enjoyable." But did the voters enjoy it enough send you to the next round?

**LORNE**  
Gunn and Cordelia! Your Addams Family routine landed you in a third place tie on the Leader Board. Will you be there for Round Four? Let's find out now. The first couple who will definitely be continuing is…

(Pause.)

**LORNE cont.**  
Gunn and Cordelia!

(GUNN and CORDELIA give each other a hug as the spotlight fades from them. Cut to a split screen with XANDER and ANYA on one side, and SEBASSIS and WILLOW on the other.)

**ILLYRIA**  
Sebassis and Willow. Xander and Anya. One couple will continue to the next round, and one couple is in the Bottom Two. The couple definitely moving on to Round Four is…

(XANDER looks at the floor, biting his lip. ANYA looks threateningly at XANDER. WILLOW shuts her eyes tight and grimaces, and SEBASSIS stares stoically at the camera.)

**ILLYRIA cont.**  
Xander and Anya.

(WILLOW winces. ANYA tries to hug XANDER, but he reaches out to squeeze WILLOW's hand and gives her a sad "I'm sorry" look. SEBASSIS pats WILLOW on the back as the red spotlight hits her and SEBASSIS.)

**LORNE**  
So there we have it: the Bottom Two for this round is Sebassis and Willow along with Harmony and Giles. We'll find out which couple is eliminated next. But first, earlier this week, Illyria sat down with someone who knows what it's like to be eliminated: Lindsey McDonald.

(Cut to film of interview.)  
--------------------------------------------

(ILLYRIA and LINDSEY sit in a special interview set backstage, with their chairs arranged in a "V" shape so that they face toward each other but also face the camera.)

**ILLYRIA**  
Your partner Darla is not here. Where is your partner, Lindsey McDonald?

**LINDSEY**  
She decided not to come along. She's still a bit upset.

**ILLYRIA**  
As well she should be. Your scheme to win the affections of the audience failed and you have been eliminated. What do you have to say for yourself?

**LINDSEY**  
Well, we would have preferred to have gone farther in the competition, but it's always hard to anticipate how the audience is going to vote. We could have been in first place but still voted out.

**ILLYRIA**  
But you were not. You were among the lowest ranked of the contestants.

**LINDSEY**  
We weren't last, though. Spike and Faith were, but they didn't get voted out. Look, I knew we'd be near the bottom as far as the judges were concerned. As I said before, it was a calculated risk. It just didn't quite pan out.

**ILLYRIA**  
Perhaps you should have planned your strategy better.

**LINDSEY**  
It doesn't really matter. Sure, this is a dance competition, but no one's really here to see who the best dancer is.

**ILLYRIA**  
Your response confuses me. Is this not a contest of skill?

**LINDSEY**  
Well, yeah, but the ability to dance isn't the most important skill here, is it?

**ILLYRIA**  
Is it not?

**LINDSEY**  
No. Look, regardless of their skill all the contestants are getting something out of being here.

**ILLYRIA**  
Explain.

**LINDSEY**  
For one thing, I used to be dead.

**ILLYRIA**  
Yes. I have observed that many of the contestants are formerly deceased. The judges as well.

**LINDSEY**  
And that's just the beginning. Win or lose, we all get something much more out of this.

**ILLYRIA**  
Yes? What is that?

**LINDSEY**  
(Chuckles.) You really don't know, do you?

**ILLYRIA**  
You dare to laugh at--

**LINDSEY**  
The answer is "celebrity," honey. We get celebrity.

**ILLYRIA**  
"Celebrity?"

**LINDSEY**  
There's lots of shows like this, and many people will take part in these shows just to revive a flagging career. Or to start a career to begin with. Television has been a pretty powerful medium to make people popular. It can even take a creep like Angel and make him a hot commodity.

**ILLYRIA**  
Are we popular?

**LINDSEY**  
Yes we are. The show has been getting good ratings in its first few episodes, though it's been kind of tricky calculating viewership for all the different dimensions where we're broadcast.

**ILLYRIA**  
These viewers determine popularity, as in the audience vote.

**LINDSEY**  
That's just for the contestants. But everybody on the show, the Judges, Lorne, _you_-- we all benefit from the popularity.

**ILLYRIA**  
Perhaps that explains the giant images of the Host and me that I see on walls and buses and signs. Although it insults me that his image is larger, and in front of, mine.

**LINDSEY**  
Well, he is, as you say, the host of the show. But yeah, you check the trade papers, and the show isn't reaching _all_ the demographics, but it's definitely getting a lot of demons and humans to tune in. So it'll have a significant effect for a lot of our futures.

**ILLYRIA**  
And this makes us more powerful.

**LINDSEY**  
Yeah, I guess you could say that.

**ILLYRIA**  
This has been enlightening. You will teach me to read the "Trade Papers" so that I may reach more "Demographics."

**LINDSEY**  
Sure, I'll show you as soon as we're done here.

**ILLYRIA**  
Then we are done here.  
--------------------------------------------

(Film ends. Cut to LORNE and ILLYRIA in the ballroom.)

**LORNE**  
I pity the "demographics." It's too bad Darla was unavailable. Maybe we can catch up with her next week.

**ILLYRIA**  
That is unlikely. Your human assistants cannot match the speed of a vampire.

**LORNE**  
Probably not. But now the moment of truth has arrived, and it is time to reveal the results for our final two couples.

(Cut to SEBASSIS, WILLOW, HARMONY, and GILES standing on the stage under red spotlights.)

**LORNE cont.**  
(From off camera.) After totalling the judges scores and the viewers' votes, the couple with the lowest combined score and therefore leaving the competition tonight is…

(WILLOW buries her face in her palms, as SEBASSIS continues to pat her back. HARMONY bounces and shakes the bouquet of flowers nervously as GILES rolls his eyes.)

**LORNE cont.**  
Sebassis and Willow.

**GILES**  
Oh, bloody hell! (Grabs the bouquet from HARMONY and hits her in the chest with it, pretending to stake her. HARMONY disappears into a pile of dust. The CROWD gasps. LORNE gasps. GILES stands dumbfounded.)

**LORNE**  
You staked Harmony!

**GILES**  
I--I didn't mean to…

**WESLEY**  
You can't do that!

**OZ**  
I think he just did.

**GILES**  
But I don't see how, I mean, I just hit her with this bouquet of--

(GILES drops the bouquet in shock. It clatters on the floor as the flowers fall away to reveal the wooden stake hidden within.)

**DROGYN**  
That is the bouquet of flowers the Slayer used in her routine with the Vampire.

**GILES**  
Oh, dear. I'd wondered where she'd gotten it from.

**LORNE**  
I ask again, we broadcast this show live _WHY_? Well, kids, this is… unprecedented. What do we do now?

**SEBASSIS**  
The witch child and I will take their place and remain for another round.

**WILLOW**  
Yeah, we could do that! We'll do better next time!

**ILLYRIA**  
You have already been eliminated. Do not disgrace yourself with groveling.

**WILLOW**  
(Angrily) I wasn't--

**LORNE**  
Okay, kids, settle down. Wes, you're the Head Honcho. I'm gonna haveta ask you for a ruling.

**WESLEY**  
Unfortunately I do not believe there is anything in any dance competition handbook regarding the staking of one's partner.

**DROGYN**  
That is true. The rules do not even state that one must wear shoes. Or even clothes.

**OZ**  
(Looking pointedly at GILES.) No, it just kinda _goes without saying_!

**GILES**  
Look, it was an accident! The Producers can just bring her back-- it's not like half the participants on this show aren't dead anyway.

**WESLEY**  
Yet rules are rules, Rupert. And I would have to think that one of the most cardinal rules, written or not, is that one is _not_ to stake one's partner. I believe I'm going to have to think this over long and hard, in consultation with my fellow judges.

**LORNE**  
Um, so…?

**WESLEY**  
We'll have to get back to you, I'm afraid. I don't want to make a snap judgement here. We need to make certain that we do this right. Much is at stake here.

**OZ**  
No pun intended.

**ILLYRIA**  
There is nothing to discuss. Rupert Giles put his partner to the stake, so Rupert Giles should be put to the stake. (To GILES) Or, if you prefer, I have a sword in my dressing room.

**DROGYN**  
That punishment seems extreme, Old One. It was, after all, accidental. We should discuss this off camera, and announce our decision on the next show.

**WESLEY**  
Yes, yes, quite right. We will do as Drogyn says, Lorne.

**ILLYRIA**  
(Eyes narrowing. Growls.) So be it.

**LORNE**  
Well, there you have it, folks! A dramatic finish to a dramatic round. We hope you'll join us to find out what the judges decide on the next episode of _DANCING WITH THE DEMONS_!

(Roll end credits.)

**Author's Note**:  
Just a note to everyone reading along here, I'm sorry this episode ended up getting posted late. It's been more difficult to keep up the weekly schedule lately and with upcoming travel and other things I thought it would be better to put the show on hiatus rather than keep running episodes behind. So the next episode will start again at the end of July.

Perhaps in not very good timing I also wanted to thank everyone from the Wanton Folly Awards for the Runner-Up WIP award here. I promise this story won't stay a WIP. It'll definitely be getting its ending this year. Someone has also kindly nominated my Day in the Life of PuppetAngel story in Round Two for Best Characterization so thank you very much!

Also, I wanted to mention that my beta **yourlibrarian** has been nominated for Best Beta over at the SunnyD Awards (as is this story). Pop on over and vote for her, ( http sunnydawards com / vote html )but do it soon since voting wraps up May 13.


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